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The dagger of grief
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 413122" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>I understand Sven. You know this guy that I have been hiking with and developing a friendship with is the one who really pushed me to fly to Oregon ASAP. I am so very glad he did. In a very serendipitous way, we met and realized that we have had almost identical life experiences the last 4 years. His brother committed suicide in Feb., a year before my sister died. Then his mom died 7 months later, and now he is taking care of his dad who has Alzheimers. It is amazing to be able to talk openly with someone who so profoundly understands all aspects of death. We both lost someone suddenly. And we both are losing/lost someone to cancer. Each has its own kind of grief. There are really so many kinds of grief, and like you are talking about, there are some like yours which so delayed it may take years to process.</p><p></p><p>This grief right now, is in particularly hard because I have to watch him suffer. The hospice lady called it anticipatory grief. Every time he chokes my heart flip flops. Each day he loses more and more function, and I see him fade more and more into the world of death. It is gut wrenching. And then once he is gone, I will grieve the loss of him. Kind of a double whammy in a way - but at least I get to say goodbye - which I did not have with my sister nor did you have with your parents. I think that is worse than watching the suffering.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 413122, member: 3301"] I understand Sven. You know this guy that I have been hiking with and developing a friendship with is the one who really pushed me to fly to Oregon ASAP. I am so very glad he did. In a very serendipitous way, we met and realized that we have had almost identical life experiences the last 4 years. His brother committed suicide in Feb., a year before my sister died. Then his mom died 7 months later, and now he is taking care of his dad who has Alzheimers. It is amazing to be able to talk openly with someone who so profoundly understands all aspects of death. We both lost someone suddenly. And we both are losing/lost someone to cancer. Each has its own kind of grief. There are really so many kinds of grief, and like you are talking about, there are some like yours which so delayed it may take years to process. This grief right now, is in particularly hard because I have to watch him suffer. The hospice lady called it anticipatory grief. Every time he chokes my heart flip flops. Each day he loses more and more function, and I see him fade more and more into the world of death. It is gut wrenching. And then once he is gone, I will grieve the loss of him. Kind of a double whammy in a way - but at least I get to say goodbye - which I did not have with my sister nor did you have with your parents. I think that is worse than watching the suffering. [/QUOTE]
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