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<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 764751" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>New Leaf,</p><p></p><p>No need to ’fess up, as we all have our own limits and past history with our wayward kids and I don’t think anyone’s way is right or wrong, or the best. With the caveat that you are not enabling. And you clearly know your limits on that and have held them strong.</p><p></p><p>I think this is wonderful news and I feel it with good reason. I had started counseling about four months before my son passed and my counselor at one time told me we had done everything we could for our son. And truly, we had. At that time the ball was in his court to want to get well. I wrote about it here. But, she did say that when my son was actively seeking help and was enrolled in a mental health or drug treatment program, that was the time to let him be a part of our lives. </p><p></p><p>So we waited and every time I would speak to my son I would tell him, “we can help you when you are seeking help for yourself.” I said it dozens of times. And he finally did. But he had difficulty finding places that accepted his insurance and some other issues, such as he had been clean too long to qualify for drug treatment. Wow—two whole months of sobriety—that one was hard to take.</p><p></p><p>So with my counselor’s support, we decided to do a trial period with my son staying here just on weekends. The rules were, he had to stop living on the streets and stay at the shelter during the week. Of course, he had to meet with his probation officer every week and attend any court dates, etc. and start taking medications again. I helped take him to his appointments. His mental health was such that he wasn’t healthy enough for a regular job but he very much wanted to work. Once his mental health was under control, that would have been a next step.</p><p></p><p>As I‘ve said on the forum, things were working the best they have since he left home 5 years ago after turning 18. He was helpful, kind, hard-working, took initiative on his own to do things, and we were so proud of him and the man he was becoming.</p><p></p><p>Of course we know the outcome, but unfortunately, he made a bad choice due to his addiction and did drugs after having been sober for several months.</p><p></p><p>New Leaf, I think you know as her mother, better than anyone, if your daughter seems ready for change. I think you are right to do what is in your heart. Tornado has been at this a long time. It sounds like she is ready. The hard part is the uncertainty, of whether she will stick with it—the doubt. But I hope you won’t concern yourself with that and just take it a day and a step at a time.</p><p></p><p>I pray that this is the start of a new lifestyle for her…and you. It’s time to be able to enjoy Tornado for the beautiful soul that you know she is, and sober. And that she can truly feel the love that you have so deep in your heart for her. Praying for your strength. </p><p></p><p>Love, Nandina</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 764751, member: 23742"] New Leaf, No need to ’fess up, as we all have our own limits and past history with our wayward kids and I don’t think anyone’s way is right or wrong, or the best. With the caveat that you are not enabling. And you clearly know your limits on that and have held them strong. I think this is wonderful news and I feel it with good reason. I had started counseling about four months before my son passed and my counselor at one time told me we had done everything we could for our son. And truly, we had. At that time the ball was in his court to want to get well. I wrote about it here. But, she did say that when my son was actively seeking help and was enrolled in a mental health or drug treatment program, that was the time to let him be a part of our lives. So we waited and every time I would speak to my son I would tell him, “we can help you when you are seeking help for yourself.” I said it dozens of times. And he finally did. But he had difficulty finding places that accepted his insurance and some other issues, such as he had been clean too long to qualify for drug treatment. Wow—two whole months of sobriety—that one was hard to take. So with my counselor’s support, we decided to do a trial period with my son staying here just on weekends. The rules were, he had to stop living on the streets and stay at the shelter during the week. Of course, he had to meet with his probation officer every week and attend any court dates, etc. and start taking medications again. I helped take him to his appointments. His mental health was such that he wasn’t healthy enough for a regular job but he very much wanted to work. Once his mental health was under control, that would have been a next step. As I‘ve said on the forum, things were working the best they have since he left home 5 years ago after turning 18. He was helpful, kind, hard-working, took initiative on his own to do things, and we were so proud of him and the man he was becoming. Of course we know the outcome, but unfortunately, he made a bad choice due to his addiction and did drugs after having been sober for several months. New Leaf, I think you know as her mother, better than anyone, if your daughter seems ready for change. I think you are right to do what is in your heart. Tornado has been at this a long time. It sounds like she is ready. The hard part is the uncertainty, of whether she will stick with it—the doubt. But I hope you won’t concern yourself with that and just take it a day and a step at a time. I pray that this is the start of a new lifestyle for her…and you. It’s time to be able to enjoy Tornado for the beautiful soul that you know she is, and sober. And that she can truly feel the love that you have so deep in your heart for her. Praying for your strength. Love, Nandina [/QUOTE]
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