Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 641695" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>My mother, MWM.</p><p></p><p>How can these people be so similar?</p><p></p><p>The story my mother tells is that she sent me back when they brought me in to her, because I had red hair. "I told them I would never have a red headed baby." she said. "But they brought you back in and said, "Here is your red headed baby, Mrs. Cedar."</p><p></p><p>It was my youngest brother who, back in the days when abortion first became legal, was told that he would not exist if abortion had been legal when she learned she was pregnant with him.</p><p></p><p>I never dreamed there would be someone else who had been told the same kinds of things growing up. We were not Jewish though, so we cannot be from the same family. I am English/Danish/Irish. This is so much like when I realized other families' children were saying the same things, almost word for word, by own children were saying.</p><p></p><p>Suddenly, you realize it was nothing you did, and that you need to stop apologizing and start responding differently.</p><p></p><p>In fact, THAT might be the thing I did wrong in raising my kids. At least once they started changing, I should have stood up for myself, instead of always and forever trying to do better, or to find someone who knew more about how to help them than I did.</p><p></p><p>***</p><p></p><p>husband and I (well, husband) claimed my mother was jealous ~ of me, of what I had, of who I married, of my children. I now understand that part of her hatred for husband is that he did protect me from her. And though she may not have been jealous of those things husband thought she was jealous of, what she did hate was that I had anything.</p><p></p><p>Anything at all, and that she did not and never would find a way to control that I had those things or ruin them.</p><p></p><p>My mother broke or ruined (maybe on purpose?) so many of my things, growing up.</p><p></p><p>And she hurt me repeatedly, of course.</p><p></p><p>OK you guys. So, hello...maybe the miracle here is that my children have managed as well as they have, between the drugs and their genetic heritages.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, what I was going to say is that when the kids started having trouble, that was a vulnerability my mother could use ~ and she did. She sneered, "Well, I guess you weren't such a good mother after all, were you.", when I told her (upon husband's insistence that of course our parents should know) that difficult child daughter had been admitted to the first dual diagnostic facility. </p><p>(When she was 14). </p><p></p><p>And that is so much why I believed I had done this, had done something so wrong in raising my children. But for heaven's sake ~ look at the genetic material they had to work with.</p><p></p><p>What a morning this has been.</p><p></p><p>How does that go? "Nothing is as they taught us." </p><p></p><p>Pasa, I agree that our mothers did the best they were capable of.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 641695, member: 17461"] My mother, MWM. How can these people be so similar? The story my mother tells is that she sent me back when they brought me in to her, because I had red hair. "I told them I would never have a red headed baby." she said. "But they brought you back in and said, "Here is your red headed baby, Mrs. Cedar." It was my youngest brother who, back in the days when abortion first became legal, was told that he would not exist if abortion had been legal when she learned she was pregnant with him. I never dreamed there would be someone else who had been told the same kinds of things growing up. We were not Jewish though, so we cannot be from the same family. I am English/Danish/Irish. This is so much like when I realized other families' children were saying the same things, almost word for word, by own children were saying. Suddenly, you realize it was nothing you did, and that you need to stop apologizing and start responding differently. In fact, THAT might be the thing I did wrong in raising my kids. At least once they started changing, I should have stood up for myself, instead of always and forever trying to do better, or to find someone who knew more about how to help them than I did. *** husband and I (well, husband) claimed my mother was jealous ~ of me, of what I had, of who I married, of my children. I now understand that part of her hatred for husband is that he did protect me from her. And though she may not have been jealous of those things husband thought she was jealous of, what she did hate was that I had anything. Anything at all, and that she did not and never would find a way to control that I had those things or ruin them. My mother broke or ruined (maybe on purpose?) so many of my things, growing up. And she hurt me repeatedly, of course. OK you guys. So, hello...maybe the miracle here is that my children have managed as well as they have, between the drugs and their genetic heritages. Anyway, what I was going to say is that when the kids started having trouble, that was a vulnerability my mother could use ~ and she did. She sneered, "Well, I guess you weren't such a good mother after all, were you.", when I told her (upon husband's insistence that of course our parents should know) that difficult child daughter had been admitted to the first dual diagnostic facility. (When she was 14). And that is so much why I believed I had done this, had done something so wrong in raising my children. But for heaven's sake ~ look at the genetic material they had to work with. What a morning this has been. How does that go? "Nothing is as they taught us." Pasa, I agree that our mothers did the best they were capable of. Cedar [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
Top