So I wrote my dad a short (paragraph long) letter explaining that since he doesn't want me to contact him anymore, I will respect his wishes. I told him I loved him, but that only if he wanted to talk to me in a respectful way and contacted me first would we have a relationship. I wished him well and it had a cheerful, but sort of firm tone to it. So you'd think I wouldn't worry that he will call again and be mean. The problem with these people is that they don't respect boundaries. Although I think my letter will infuriate him because I took away his control over me (my inheritance and putting up with listening to hos swell he is and how rotten all of "you kids" are) I am afraid the effect on him WILL wear off. With my mother, she would hold a grudge forever. My father tends to get softer as time goes on, however, his phone calls after his extreme abuse and subsequent cutting out a child are not apologetic. More than that, they are like "You were still horrible, but I'm doing you the honor of talking to you again. I want to forget about this now. So because I choose not to discuss it again, it's over. Your wishes don't matter." I hope he doesn't do this to me. If there is one adult child who may get his wrath forever, fortunately, it is me as I am the family black sheep. However, I still worry when the cell rings that it's him and I breathe a sigh of relief when I see it's not. I know he'd never call me with respect and I am not ready to face more of this crapola and I may never be ready. I mean, I love him and dwish him well, but...I just am not the same person I used to be. I just plain CAN'T put up with abuse anymore. Period. So the elephant in the room now is my father. Unlike my sister, who will never ever contact me again unless I do it first, he could. And it's a mild stress. And as time goes on there is a bigger and bigger chance that he will. And nothing will change...he is 90, after all. I suppose, due to his age, if he calls me first and does not curse or tell me I'm a loser, I would let him talk and say "Uh huh" "yes" "ok" and "I love you. Bye. Have to go." But I don't think he will give me that normal conversation. So...hopefully it will be so far into the future when he calls that I am ready to take him on in the calm, measured way I did this time...and with the ability to just move on. It is sad when you have to hope your DNA collection will all leave you alone so that your life can stay peaceful and good. I feel that, even if he sadly passes soon, I have made my last words to him that I love him in spite of everything. I put it into writing. The saddest thing to me is that my father had it all...he was a successful pharmacist, well off, had kids that started out nice and not screwed up (although that changed as time went on), he saw the entire world, he has wonderful grandkids from me and my Sis and even has great-grands he chose to never meet...but his life could have been perceived by him as a wonderful, full life. Not to mention he is 90 and still sharp. But he chooses to see his life as himself never being appreicated, his kids being disappointments whom he couldn't brag about, no interest in the grands or great grands, my mom divorcing him...he is still bitter, his whole life is a bust in his mind. I feel for the personality disorder that he has (Narcissism) which blocks him from being able to look back and say, "I did it all. I have no regrets." He could have had so much love from so many people, but he repeatedly abused those who did love him and gave him many chances and did not try to have relationship with his children's children. His big beef is, "Your brother never married so MY NAME WILL DIE OFF! HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?" Yeah, bro didn't marry. It is sad to feel this way about a life that was always so filled with riches and good luck (health-wise).