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The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 641715" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Good for you, that you caught on to those toxic family patterns early, MWM. I am still as surprised as can be at the way my family of origin is starting to look to me. I knew the wrongnesses that were easily spotted, but I have been missing the subtler cruelties and toxicities.</p><p></p><p>Those hurt places, those times when I had to do alone what everyone else has family joyfully present for...those times require healing, too. </p><p></p><p>Before we can do that though, it must be that we have to go through all that "What is the matter with me, that I am thinking this way?" </p><p></p><p>It is hard to believe that the truth is what it is.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is so hurtful. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That makes me sad, MWM. Your mom should have been so proud of you, so pleased that her mother loved you as she did. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>What a mean thing for a mother to do. I can feel the venom in it from here.</p><p></p><p>WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THE MATTER WITH THESE PEOPLE?</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I'm glad you did that, glad you stood up to them.</p><p></p><p>You told the truth.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>This is horrifying.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry that happened to you, and to your new baby. Explaining the unexplainable to the husband's family is a whole other kind of shame. </p><p></p><p>I am glad your husband's mom was there for you.</p><p></p><p>My husband's mom has been there for me, too.</p><p></p><p>It is nice that they have loved us, that they took us under their wings, that they were excited about our babies.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I know that you do that. You have posted some excellent articles for us, here. I haven't wanted to read them though, because it seems unfair somehow to ~ I don't know why I haven't wanted to read them. </p><p></p><p>But that's how it was when you posted about abusive adult children, too.</p><p></p><p>I am very glad that you do post such things for us.</p><p></p><p>I tell myself my mother must have done the best she knew. I try not to dwell on it. It is a gift to be able to look back now, to see myself in the stories each of us tell, and to tell my own story. </p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 641715, member: 17461"] Good for you, that you caught on to those toxic family patterns early, MWM. I am still as surprised as can be at the way my family of origin is starting to look to me. I knew the wrongnesses that were easily spotted, but I have been missing the subtler cruelties and toxicities. Those hurt places, those times when I had to do alone what everyone else has family joyfully present for...those times require healing, too. Before we can do that though, it must be that we have to go through all that "What is the matter with me, that I am thinking this way?" It is hard to believe that the truth is what it is. This is so hurtful. That makes me sad, MWM. Your mom should have been so proud of you, so pleased that her mother loved you as she did. What a mean thing for a mother to do. I can feel the venom in it from here. WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THE MATTER WITH THESE PEOPLE? I'm glad you did that, glad you stood up to them. You told the truth. This is horrifying. I'm so sorry that happened to you, and to your new baby. Explaining the unexplainable to the husband's family is a whole other kind of shame. I am glad your husband's mom was there for you. My husband's mom has been there for me, too. It is nice that they have loved us, that they took us under their wings, that they were excited about our babies. I know that you do that. You have posted some excellent articles for us, here. I haven't wanted to read them though, because it seems unfair somehow to ~ I don't know why I haven't wanted to read them. But that's how it was when you posted about abusive adult children, too. I am very glad that you do post such things for us. I tell myself my mother must have done the best she knew. I try not to dwell on it. It is a gift to be able to look back now, to see myself in the stories each of us tell, and to tell my own story. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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