Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 641752" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Thanks again, Cedar. We do have similar parents probably with similar personality disorders.</p><p></p><p>Nomad, I think my father sort of loves me, as much as a narcissist can, but that won't stop him from never speaking to me again unless I break the ice first, or take back that he has to treat me with respect, neither which will ever happen. Because I don't want to feel guilty later (in other words I did this for ME) I sent him a lovely Channukah card, although it was not a personal card, and wrote a short note inviting him warmly again to call me if he wanted to as long as we treat each other with the respect we both deserve.</p><p></p><p>I mean, he's 90. I can't cut him off. I never cut off anybody. I do set boundaries and THEY can decide to cut ME off for those boundaries, but I have never told anyone, including Scott, never to call me again. Sorry, but I know how borderlines act and I don't want to be the borderline that my sister keeps insisting I am (although she has far more traits of it than I do).</p><p></p><p>Nomad, did my mother love me? Maybe when I was a child. I can't say. She was clearly furious at me by the time she passed away. I will try to explain the story that made her cut me off. I've told it before. I'll try to make it as simple as I can.</p><p></p><p>Grandma told me before she passed away that she was leaving $5000 to my biological son 37, but nothing for her two adopted grands, Scott and Julie. I told her not to waste her time because I'll split it three ways. So she got my mother to be in charge of 37s $5000 (you'd think it was $500,000 by the way this money was treated). My mother wanted some tax break and to put it in 37s name so she called 37 for the first time in probably 12 years and asked for his social security number. She needed it or she couldn't put the inheritance in his name and she had asked me many times and I would never tell her because the whole clusterfick was making me sick. I wouldn't help her do this.</p><p></p><p>So 37 was asked his social security number as my mother secretly called him. He was upstairs so I didn't know he was talking to her. 37 said he didn't know it, which was true. She called him a liar and a jerk and hung up on him and he came downstairs puzzled that she had called him at all (she did not explain the inheritance to him) and he was upset. By then, I was living with my soon-to-be husband who blew a gasket that she would do that. He called her up and told her never to call 37 again, that she had upset him and me and that it was not acceptable and then he asked what kind of a mother she was as he'd heard the stories. God, he stood up for me and raised his voice to her. Maybe he shouldn't have, but it felt validating to me. She hung up on him. My mother never called me again and when Tom and I married she did not come to the wedding or even send a card.</p><p></p><p>Her reasoning was that "This is what Grandma wanted and you dared not to do what she wanted." Also, she hated Tom. "HOW DARE HE TALK TO ME THAT WAY????"</p><p></p><p>Too bad what she wanted had been mean.</p><p></p><p>My mother was always this way. She and grandma would fight, but she would never go against what her mother wanted. It was plain nuts. I did the right thilng, I think, and was villified for it for the rest of her life. 37 knows the whole story and doesn't blame me or care, but SHE did and slapped me from the grave by her disinheritance and not mentioning me as her daughter in her obit. She had two kids in her obit. That was MY siblings doing what THEIR mother wanted.</p><p></p><p>This taught me a lot about trying to please people, if they don't like you, even if you grew in their womb. That means so little. Anyone can get pregnant and spit out a kid. Animals do it. The lowest form of creature can procreate. Love is not the same and does not go hand-and-hand with procreation. Usually it does. But not always.</p><p></p><p>And if you're wondering if my grandma was trying to make Scott and JUlie feel as if they were not part of the family because of that precious DNA, you bet she was. It turned out that my mother got tired of paying the very small yearly tax on the inheritance so she sent it to me and we split it. Hehe.</p><p></p><p>THAT was why my mother truly hated me in the end. I did not respect my grandma's heinous wish for her small inheritance she planned on giving to only 37.</p><p></p><p>You can't make this stuff up. If I could make this up, I could probably write a bestselling novel.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 641752, member: 1550"] Thanks again, Cedar. We do have similar parents probably with similar personality disorders. Nomad, I think my father sort of loves me, as much as a narcissist can, but that won't stop him from never speaking to me again unless I break the ice first, or take back that he has to treat me with respect, neither which will ever happen. Because I don't want to feel guilty later (in other words I did this for ME) I sent him a lovely Channukah card, although it was not a personal card, and wrote a short note inviting him warmly again to call me if he wanted to as long as we treat each other with the respect we both deserve. I mean, he's 90. I can't cut him off. I never cut off anybody. I do set boundaries and THEY can decide to cut ME off for those boundaries, but I have never told anyone, including Scott, never to call me again. Sorry, but I know how borderlines act and I don't want to be the borderline that my sister keeps insisting I am (although she has far more traits of it than I do). Nomad, did my mother love me? Maybe when I was a child. I can't say. She was clearly furious at me by the time she passed away. I will try to explain the story that made her cut me off. I've told it before. I'll try to make it as simple as I can. Grandma told me before she passed away that she was leaving $5000 to my biological son 37, but nothing for her two adopted grands, Scott and Julie. I told her not to waste her time because I'll split it three ways. So she got my mother to be in charge of 37s $5000 (you'd think it was $500,000 by the way this money was treated). My mother wanted some tax break and to put it in 37s name so she called 37 for the first time in probably 12 years and asked for his social security number. She needed it or she couldn't put the inheritance in his name and she had asked me many times and I would never tell her because the whole clusterfick was making me sick. I wouldn't help her do this. So 37 was asked his social security number as my mother secretly called him. He was upstairs so I didn't know he was talking to her. 37 said he didn't know it, which was true. She called him a liar and a jerk and hung up on him and he came downstairs puzzled that she had called him at all (she did not explain the inheritance to him) and he was upset. By then, I was living with my soon-to-be husband who blew a gasket that she would do that. He called her up and told her never to call 37 again, that she had upset him and me and that it was not acceptable and then he asked what kind of a mother she was as he'd heard the stories. God, he stood up for me and raised his voice to her. Maybe he shouldn't have, but it felt validating to me. She hung up on him. My mother never called me again and when Tom and I married she did not come to the wedding or even send a card. Her reasoning was that "This is what Grandma wanted and you dared not to do what she wanted." Also, she hated Tom. "HOW DARE HE TALK TO ME THAT WAY????" Too bad what she wanted had been mean. My mother was always this way. She and grandma would fight, but she would never go against what her mother wanted. It was plain nuts. I did the right thilng, I think, and was villified for it for the rest of her life. 37 knows the whole story and doesn't blame me or care, but SHE did and slapped me from the grave by her disinheritance and not mentioning me as her daughter in her obit. She had two kids in her obit. That was MY siblings doing what THEIR mother wanted. This taught me a lot about trying to please people, if they don't like you, even if you grew in their womb. That means so little. Anyone can get pregnant and spit out a kid. Animals do it. The lowest form of creature can procreate. Love is not the same and does not go hand-and-hand with procreation. Usually it does. But not always. And if you're wondering if my grandma was trying to make Scott and JUlie feel as if they were not part of the family because of that precious DNA, you bet she was. It turned out that my mother got tired of paying the very small yearly tax on the inheritance so she sent it to me and we split it. Hehe. THAT was why my mother truly hated me in the end. I did not respect my grandma's heinous wish for her small inheritance she planned on giving to only 37. You can't make this stuff up. If I could make this up, I could probably write a bestselling novel. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
Top