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The elephant in the room for all with abusive relatives
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 641832" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I understand MWM, I have had similar experiences. I think denial, wanting to believe what we want to believe rather then the truth, is for some people a very powerful pull. It has been painful for me when I am confronted with that denial.....in some cases, I had to retreat and walk away from people I love........and practice "radical acceptance" realizing I have absolutely no control over another. That lesson comes in many different disguises, not just with our kids and our families.</p><p></p><p>As I got older and hopefully a tad wiser, I began to recognize the signs where others choose to stay in their own version of reality.......it got a lot easier for me to just let go.......but it was very hard when I was younger. </p><p></p><p>I too am interested in what makes people "tick." And, I also feel monumentally grateful that I don't feel tied or obligated to my bio family, after many, many experiences of having to let go, it did get easier. </p><p></p><p>Many years ago I read a book which had a quote that in many ways turned it around for me and simply explained the choice we have (for me anyway) and that quote is, "<em>Argue for your limitations and guess what? You get to keep them." </em>It gave me an insight into the fact that we <em>choose </em>our experience of life........as in that other quote, "<em>misery is optional." </em>Certainly not to say that life doesn't have tragedy in it.......I've had a lot of tragedy.......but it is a choice to define our lives out of those tragedies. </p><p></p><p>At this point in my life, I choose to hang out with folks who feel the same way I do, not to say I'm right, or wrong, but for me, energetically we "radiate" what is inside of us and because I am so sensitive, I pick up on that "radiation" and it harms me, so I keep my boundaries very well maintained. And, I learned that in my bio family because so many of them are people I cannot be around because of their toxicity. As I separated from their sphere of influence, my life improved in every possible way. This last go around with my daughter was the topper......and that's what changed everything for me. And, the irony for me is that she "seems" to be changing too. Remarkable. </p><p></p><p>You're very wise MWM. And I know that wisdom has come from a lot of struggles and suffering........yet you've come out the other side of it with an ability to experience the joys of life in a deep and meaningful way. I admire you for all the work you've done on yourself and how you've overcome so many obstacles. It is more rare than I think you realize..........<em>.it is so much to be grateful for. </em></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 641832, member: 13542"] I understand MWM, I have had similar experiences. I think denial, wanting to believe what we want to believe rather then the truth, is for some people a very powerful pull. It has been painful for me when I am confronted with that denial.....in some cases, I had to retreat and walk away from people I love........and practice "radical acceptance" realizing I have absolutely no control over another. That lesson comes in many different disguises, not just with our kids and our families. As I got older and hopefully a tad wiser, I began to recognize the signs where others choose to stay in their own version of reality.......it got a lot easier for me to just let go.......but it was very hard when I was younger. I too am interested in what makes people "tick." And, I also feel monumentally grateful that I don't feel tied or obligated to my bio family, after many, many experiences of having to let go, it did get easier. Many years ago I read a book which had a quote that in many ways turned it around for me and simply explained the choice we have (for me anyway) and that quote is, "[I]Argue for your limitations and guess what? You get to keep them." [/I]It gave me an insight into the fact that we [I]choose [/I]our experience of life........as in that other quote, "[I]misery is optional." [/I]Certainly not to say that life doesn't have tragedy in it.......I've had a lot of tragedy.......but it is a choice to define our lives out of those tragedies. At this point in my life, I choose to hang out with folks who feel the same way I do, not to say I'm right, or wrong, but for me, energetically we "radiate" what is inside of us and because I am so sensitive, I pick up on that "radiation" and it harms me, so I keep my boundaries very well maintained. And, I learned that in my bio family because so many of them are people I cannot be around because of their toxicity. As I separated from their sphere of influence, my life improved in every possible way. This last go around with my daughter was the topper......and that's what changed everything for me. And, the irony for me is that she "seems" to be changing too. Remarkable. You're very wise MWM. And I know that wisdom has come from a lot of struggles and suffering........yet you've come out the other side of it with an ability to experience the joys of life in a deep and meaningful way. I admire you for all the work you've done on yourself and how you've overcome so many obstacles. It is more rare than I think you realize..........[I].it is so much to be grateful for. [/I] [/QUOTE]
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