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The Explosive Child, ODD and difficult child's Christmas wish list
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<blockquote data-quote="Ma Kettle" data-source="post: 488111" data-attributes="member: 13066"><p>A week ago we finally had a family session with Half Pint's therapist. Got his diagnosis for her as ODD and Major Depressive Disorder. Was told not to speak badly about 'S' to Half Pint. (For those who don't know the backstory of 'S', he a guy, 4 years older than difficult child, who gave HP her first taste of drugs, got her drugged up and drunk and took advantage of her sexually.) Got manipulated by therapist and difficult child through a dialog to invite another 18 year old guy over to hang out with difficult child (under our supervision, but I never had a chance to explain why I would be against it). Ended with therapist asking me if I wanted to have a relationship with Half Pint. I said yes (crying the whole time). husband said no, not the way she has been acting and how she treats me. And, difficult child said no, she does not want to have a relationship with us. therapist said there would be consequences of having us treat her essentially like a roommate instead of a daughter, but she could choose that. I piped in that we wouldn't buy our roommate the special treats she likes for her lunches and make any special dinner requests she had. therapist said she would have to still clean her room, do the chores she always does and do her homework. HP said she didn't know what she wanted. We all left feeling worse than when we walked in. Why am I all worked up when I am the only one who wants this relationship? </p><p></p><p>Bought 'The Explosive Child' and read it in less than 24 hours. Fast forward to Saturday morning. Let HP sleep in a bit and nicely woke her up, told her breakfast and coffee is ready and asked her to do one of the items she has to do every weekend (homework or chores) because she was signed up to help set up for a party at church. (She has to do service project hours for religion class at her private school.) She chose to add to and decorate her Christmas list. Top item is a ferret and second is a tongue ring. Both items have been requested by her before, and the answer has always been no. She (with no problems or attitude) set up for the church party. We get home and somehow she brings up the ferrets. I decide to employ my new found parenting skills from my earlier readings. I said I know she wants a ferret, and that I didn't want her to be disappointed on Christmas morning, so is there any other items on her wish list that she wants more than others? She said no, that's what she wants most, doesn't see why we won't give it to her. I explained (calmly and just short and matter of factly) (for the millionth time) that besided the fact that we rent our home, she doesn't take care of the two kitties we currently live with. Instead of hammering her with Plan A (from the book), I just asked her to think about it and get back with me. Then husband and I asked her what she wants to do that evening (go to dinner, a move, shopping??) By then she was moody and said just stay here. We ended up letting her watch Pokemon Movies while we read/interneted. Best thing was we ended up not spending any money, but it certainly wasn't a fun Saturday.</p><p></p><p></p><p>So, for you all who have had more therapist and family therapy sessions, was that how it was supposed work out? The manipulation (oh, and she lied to him about something, too, while we were all in there, but I did not call her on it), the 'let's let the 15 year old already choose to not have a relationship with her parents, the sad ending of it all? And, no request for us to do another family session?</p><p></p><p>I know I shouldn't be suprised, but why is HP still asking for things that the answer is 'no'? Is it hopes that I feel bad, want her to like me and she thinks I will give in? Is it just to tick me off??? A little of both??</p><p></p><p>Right now, I dont' want to get her anything. I don't want really want Christmas at all. The best part is that easy child daughter is coming home from college, and I am afraid to be too excited about that in front of difficult child because she told the therapist we love easy child more than her. I am sure many of you know that old song and dance. So my biggest joy has to be contained. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for listening.</p><p></p><p>Ma Kettle-40ish married 21 years to </p><p>Pa Kettle-40ish, type I diabetes</p><p>Mary-PCDD-18 away at college, sunshine of our life</p><p>Half Pint-15, ODD, MDD breaking our hearts</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Ma Kettle, post: 488111, member: 13066"] A week ago we finally had a family session with Half Pint's therapist. Got his diagnosis for her as ODD and Major Depressive Disorder. Was told not to speak badly about 'S' to Half Pint. (For those who don't know the backstory of 'S', he a guy, 4 years older than difficult child, who gave HP her first taste of drugs, got her drugged up and drunk and took advantage of her sexually.) Got manipulated by therapist and difficult child through a dialog to invite another 18 year old guy over to hang out with difficult child (under our supervision, but I never had a chance to explain why I would be against it). Ended with therapist asking me if I wanted to have a relationship with Half Pint. I said yes (crying the whole time). husband said no, not the way she has been acting and how she treats me. And, difficult child said no, she does not want to have a relationship with us. therapist said there would be consequences of having us treat her essentially like a roommate instead of a daughter, but she could choose that. I piped in that we wouldn't buy our roommate the special treats she likes for her lunches and make any special dinner requests she had. therapist said she would have to still clean her room, do the chores she always does and do her homework. HP said she didn't know what she wanted. We all left feeling worse than when we walked in. Why am I all worked up when I am the only one who wants this relationship? Bought 'The Explosive Child' and read it in less than 24 hours. Fast forward to Saturday morning. Let HP sleep in a bit and nicely woke her up, told her breakfast and coffee is ready and asked her to do one of the items she has to do every weekend (homework or chores) because she was signed up to help set up for a party at church. (She has to do service project hours for religion class at her private school.) She chose to add to and decorate her Christmas list. Top item is a ferret and second is a tongue ring. Both items have been requested by her before, and the answer has always been no. She (with no problems or attitude) set up for the church party. We get home and somehow she brings up the ferrets. I decide to employ my new found parenting skills from my earlier readings. I said I know she wants a ferret, and that I didn't want her to be disappointed on Christmas morning, so is there any other items on her wish list that she wants more than others? She said no, that's what she wants most, doesn't see why we won't give it to her. I explained (calmly and just short and matter of factly) (for the millionth time) that besided the fact that we rent our home, she doesn't take care of the two kitties we currently live with. Instead of hammering her with Plan A (from the book), I just asked her to think about it and get back with me. Then husband and I asked her what she wants to do that evening (go to dinner, a move, shopping??) By then she was moody and said just stay here. We ended up letting her watch Pokemon Movies while we read/interneted. Best thing was we ended up not spending any money, but it certainly wasn't a fun Saturday. So, for you all who have had more therapist and family therapy sessions, was that how it was supposed work out? The manipulation (oh, and she lied to him about something, too, while we were all in there, but I did not call her on it), the 'let's let the 15 year old already choose to not have a relationship with her parents, the sad ending of it all? And, no request for us to do another family session? I know I shouldn't be suprised, but why is HP still asking for things that the answer is 'no'? Is it hopes that I feel bad, want her to like me and she thinks I will give in? Is it just to tick me off??? A little of both?? Right now, I dont' want to get her anything. I don't want really want Christmas at all. The best part is that easy child daughter is coming home from college, and I am afraid to be too excited about that in front of difficult child because she told the therapist we love easy child more than her. I am sure many of you know that old song and dance. So my biggest joy has to be contained. Thanks for listening. Ma Kettle-40ish married 21 years to Pa Kettle-40ish, type I diabetes Mary-PCDD-18 away at college, sunshine of our life Half Pint-15, ODD, MDD breaking our hearts [/QUOTE]
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