Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
The fish is on the counter
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 368876" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Shari, you have cleaned your house now. Maybe set ground rules and reinforce them? "When you disrespect the house and our kids, you disrespect me. When you disrespect me, you loudly proclaim you are not contributing anything positive to this relationship. Fix it or leave. Your choice."</p><p></p><p>Or you could put it all aside for now and see how things pan out. Your choice. But when anybody makes a choice, even a choice to do nothing, they have to own that choice.</p><p></p><p>Wee would not suffer for being removed from this sort of environment. Wee needs stability and a good example. He needs a good example fro you, too, on how a woman should be treated. If Wee sees you putting up with so much stuff, it tells him that it is acceptable.</p><p></p><p>I get that your husband has his own problems. He sounds like he has major addiction issues - take away the TV and the beer, he would find something to replace it. He is wanting an easy ride through life on someone else's coat tails, with other people looking after his needs and then letting him do what he wants. He probably does love you, but you come second to himself. A long way second. When was the last time he spontaneously did something nice for you that he thought of himself, that wasn't birthday or Christmas? I know not all blokes will do this, the lack doesn't necessarily mean anything but I think with your husband, it does.</p><p></p><p>I really think that for your husband, you are an extension of himself, in his mind. Your sole purpose in life it to smooth his, to have resources he can call on. Your house, your truck, your cleaning abilities, your housekeeping. Although in his mind, it is all his. It all belongs to him. This attitude has come form his family who reinforce it by only referring to HIS place, for example. And what is his is also not worth respecting, it is disposable, to be used and abused until it burns out or gets broken (this includes you). Then it gets replaces somehow, by magic. He whines long enough and magic happens. </p><p></p><p>If at any time he leaves a mess like the one that started this thread, then you take Wee on a holiday until the problem gets sorted. As for your fear that pushing husband to clean up will mean he takes it out on Wee - that is classic passive-aggressive bullying and abuse, it is not to be tolerated. </p><p></p><p>If this is your house from before the marriage, then even more he should respect it as this was your space previously. He should respect it anyway, but he doesn't respect his own stuff because he's never had to value it.</p><p></p><p>I would be tempted to put that rotting deer head in the bed, Godfather-style. "I'm gonna make him an offer that he can't refuse."</p><p></p><p>As for his beer - leave it. What's the worst that can happen? It goes warm and flat? Tell him it's exactly the same as imported English beer... (old joke between Aussies & Poms) But stop buying his beer. Permanently. Now. Do not throw it out but do not replace it.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 368876, member: 1991"] Shari, you have cleaned your house now. Maybe set ground rules and reinforce them? "When you disrespect the house and our kids, you disrespect me. When you disrespect me, you loudly proclaim you are not contributing anything positive to this relationship. Fix it or leave. Your choice." Or you could put it all aside for now and see how things pan out. Your choice. But when anybody makes a choice, even a choice to do nothing, they have to own that choice. Wee would not suffer for being removed from this sort of environment. Wee needs stability and a good example. He needs a good example fro you, too, on how a woman should be treated. If Wee sees you putting up with so much stuff, it tells him that it is acceptable. I get that your husband has his own problems. He sounds like he has major addiction issues - take away the TV and the beer, he would find something to replace it. He is wanting an easy ride through life on someone else's coat tails, with other people looking after his needs and then letting him do what he wants. He probably does love you, but you come second to himself. A long way second. When was the last time he spontaneously did something nice for you that he thought of himself, that wasn't birthday or Christmas? I know not all blokes will do this, the lack doesn't necessarily mean anything but I think with your husband, it does. I really think that for your husband, you are an extension of himself, in his mind. Your sole purpose in life it to smooth his, to have resources he can call on. Your house, your truck, your cleaning abilities, your housekeeping. Although in his mind, it is all his. It all belongs to him. This attitude has come form his family who reinforce it by only referring to HIS place, for example. And what is his is also not worth respecting, it is disposable, to be used and abused until it burns out or gets broken (this includes you). Then it gets replaces somehow, by magic. He whines long enough and magic happens. If at any time he leaves a mess like the one that started this thread, then you take Wee on a holiday until the problem gets sorted. As for your fear that pushing husband to clean up will mean he takes it out on Wee - that is classic passive-aggressive bullying and abuse, it is not to be tolerated. If this is your house from before the marriage, then even more he should respect it as this was your space previously. He should respect it anyway, but he doesn't respect his own stuff because he's never had to value it. I would be tempted to put that rotting deer head in the bed, Godfather-style. "I'm gonna make him an offer that he can't refuse." As for his beer - leave it. What's the worst that can happen? It goes warm and flat? Tell him it's exactly the same as imported English beer... (old joke between Aussies & Poms) But stop buying his beer. Permanently. Now. Do not throw it out but do not replace it. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
The fish is on the counter
Top