The fish is on the counter

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by Shari, Jul 8, 2010.

  1. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    any suggestiions on how to handle this one?

    Talking gets me no where (obviously). I am working from home today and plan to do some laundry and the dishes at lunch, but I am thinking about leaving the entire fish mess un-touched.

    And if I have to say something about it, using Fran's line of that totally disprespects me to come home expected to deal with that.

  2. Mom2oddson

    Mom2oddson Active Member

    I wish I had words of advice. All I know from my experiences with my Ex, a battle of wills had only losers, no winners. My Ex was as stubborn as I was. I had stopped doing ANY work around our place. I had one clean plate, pot, and set of utensils that I hid in my dresser drawer waiting for Him to start helping. For six months, we lived with nothing and I mean nothing being cleaned. Finally, I got tired of it, kicked him out and STILL had to clean up the very, very nasty mess. (dirty dishes that sat for six months, etc.... it was gross).

    Again, I wish there was something I could say to help you out. It sounds like you are having a very hard time right now. {{{HUGS!!}}}
  3. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    ...You know, husband, when I come home and there is a mess on the counter like this, I really begin to feel that my attempts to keep our home livable are not respected at all. In the future, can I expect that this won't happen again?

    ...May work... I never think of these things when I am right with husband... But you know... I might, now...
  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Tried that one, Step. He doesn't like housework. And somehow, that makes it ok not to do it.

    And M2O, I've tried. I can't let it go that long before it just makes me ill. He has a weak stomache, tho. It won't take long for this fish to start stinking...
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Wish I had an answer for you. I've gone on strike over similar things, and refused to cook until SOMEONE (namely, the person who made the colossal mess) cleans it up. And no, YOU can't cook OR eat anything until you clean that up. No, we are NOT calling for pizza. No dinner till it's cleaned up. Tough to be you.

    And depending on how hungry the offender gets, it gets cleaned sooner or later.
  6. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Oh....maybe I'll invite the friends over that he seems to care about how our house looks when they're around....they know I wasn't home the past 2 days...
  7. muttmeister

    muttmeister Well-Known Member

    Wrap the fish mess up in a paper and when mealtime comes, serve it to him on a platter. Tell him that you figured he thought it was food as it was on the counter.:mad:

    With advice like that I guess it figures that I am divorced (and loving it).
  8. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Mutt, right at this exact moment, I'm missing my single life...

    I looked at trucks yesterday, and I don't even want to share what the basis of my search was centering on...

    Particularly since I just spent $600 on a new rear-end to put in my 17 uear old truck, and that $600 is a HUGE bargain...and husband spent the 3 days prior to that rearend shattering (which happened on a paved, flat road - somewhere you or I could have literally PUSHED the truck forward, and that shattered the rear end...) pulling big round bales for the Brooms with it.
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2010
  9. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    If it were me...I would not set foot in the kitchen until that mess was cleaned up...

    AND I would put on my very best "delicate female" performance...explaining that the very SIGHT of the fish has made me so faint, ill, weak in the knees...etc that I cannot even go into the kitchen to do the dishes, fix a sandwich or anything else...and even though I had INTENDED to work at home for a few hours...I was so affected by the fish mess that I had to go out to a nice restaurant instead.

    If this doesn't work...I'd continue to eat out.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Have you ever tried just flat-out asking him WHY there was fish on the counter?

    I've started doing that with my kids: WHY are your shoes in the hallway? WHY are your dishes in the livingroom? WHY are there dirty clothes on your floor? WHY is this bread still out?

    The implication in your question is that things SHOULD be otherwise and you are dumbfounded at any possible explanation they might come up with.

    Whatever the answer, your response has to be: Well YOU need to take care of this. And then just walk away from it. You've just set a boundary.
  11. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I can see it now...he'll stomp around and clean up the fish, then start in on Wee about anything of his that is out of place, and then start throwing anything off mine onto my side of the bed, and the pissing match will have commenced.

    And maybe if that happens, I think maybe he needs to spend some time with mommy.

    Its really sad that my house was WAY cleaner when I was a single mom of 3 boys than a married mom with 1.5 children at home...
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would just walk by him and repeat the title of your thread, "The fish is on the counter." and walk away.
  13. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    What Wendy said - I LOVE IT!!!
  14. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    When that happens at home, now, I just throw it outside. husband is notorious for leaving dutch ovens, iron skillets, etc. on the counter with stinky water in them. I just toss the whole thing outside (after asking him to clean them up several times).

    I think it is better than hitting him in the head with them. He gets really mad, but the smell is gone!
  15. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    This wasn't even IN anything. Its just parts he trimmed off, lying there stuck to the counter.
  16. Mamaof5

    Mamaof5 Guest

    I've done this! Works to some degree and you're right it does depend on how hungry the offender(s) are.

    Ultimatum? Pull your socks up or ship out (done that too, works with my family). Sometimes (with the kids) bribing works but I never do that with hubby just doesn't seem like the best idea. I know this next one might sound crude but studies have proven that when a man does house work it makes him more desirable (if you know what I mean) - maybe a bedroom strike?
  17. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    He got hungry and cleaned up the fish mess, only to replace it with the mess he made cooking shrimp scampi (don't get excited - it was frozen...)

    I haven't said much of anything to him yet. Still way too angry.
  18. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    ...Ugh, after how many days???

    I hope he gets hungry again soon and makes something non-messy...
  19. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    I told a girlfriend that when he does this stuff, its like he may as well hold up his middle finger to me and tell me the f word and that apparently my time isn't worth anything more to him than picking up fish guts after him.
    Maybe that's extreme, but that's how I feel, and my friend thought he might *get* that analogy...
  20. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Take the mess and put it on his side of the bed. NO.....I'm not joking. Leave it there. When he goes to IN bed and when he says "WHAT THE H?" you say "I want you to remember EXACTLY how you feel right this minute, how angry you are, how shocked you are, how surprised you are. Because you finding YOUR mess here is EXACTLY how I feel when I find YOUR mess in the kitchen and have to clean up after a 40 year old man. Fish don't belong in our bed anymore than they belong on the kitchen counter but this is how you make ME feel - but talking didn't work, and I'm frustrated so I thought this may get my point across. I have my work - you have yours. I don't go out of my way to make extra work for you and I'd appreciate it if from here on out you wouldn't make extra work for me. I have quite enough."

    if he leaves the bedroom and doesn't clean up the fish? I'd say you have bigger problems than fish on the counter - you have another child and need more counseling than you're going to get from us. - Seriously. I'm really sorry Shari - You're an awesome gal. Too freakin' fantastic to put up with all you do. HUGE HUGS.