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The gods of irony
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 372895" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>In defence of C's mother - when you have an Aspie child, you DO need to hover a lot more. I get a lot of flak at times for not letting go, but it has to be a careful, slow let-go over a long time. Bit by bit. They seem to cope really well then in surprising little things, you discover they are struggling with this or that.</p><p></p><p>difficult child 1 finished high school several years late, at 20. I then told him that he would not be allowed to sit at home and do nothing, he had to either work (including volunteer work) or enrol in a college course. I got him into a course but also enrolled his Aspie friend in the same course. They needed each other to support one another. On the ay of enrolment, those boys would not have coped if I hadn't already put a lot of things in place, including the disability support. We met with the disability counsellor (double appointment) and from there, the boys helped one another. I stayed in touch with the disability counsellor over he phone from then on. difficult child 1 was more capable tan his friend in a lot of ways, but as not a good traveller. Friend was used to getting around the city on his own, so they ravelled together and over time, difficult child 1 got more confidence. But friend found the study challenging, so difficult child 1 held him together with that (and I rang friend and talked to him too, when he was stressed and wanting to quit). </p><p></p><p>Over the years in lots of little ways, I help. Some of my friends tell me to back off, but I know if I do, nothing happens. For example, right now easy child 2/difficult child 2 is having difficulty making phone calls. So I'm working with her to help her. If I leave it, if I let her continue to stay home on her days off and not go out at all, we risk this sliding into agoraphobia. My friend says, "She's married now. That means she thinks she's ready to play at being grown up. Let her sink or swim."</p><p></p><p>Not with such a difficult child. I want to hand her the water wings for a while longer. It's a better alternative to letting her drown. So instead of making phone calls for her, I talk her through writing a script, then sit with her while she makes the phone call.</p><p></p><p>Some helicopter parenting is justified. But it does sound like C's mother is protecting rather than supporting. But when you raise a difficult child, unless you find a mob like us you are working in isolation and you do what you feel you have to do.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 372895, member: 1991"] In defence of C's mother - when you have an Aspie child, you DO need to hover a lot more. I get a lot of flak at times for not letting go, but it has to be a careful, slow let-go over a long time. Bit by bit. They seem to cope really well then in surprising little things, you discover they are struggling with this or that. difficult child 1 finished high school several years late, at 20. I then told him that he would not be allowed to sit at home and do nothing, he had to either work (including volunteer work) or enrol in a college course. I got him into a course but also enrolled his Aspie friend in the same course. They needed each other to support one another. On the ay of enrolment, those boys would not have coped if I hadn't already put a lot of things in place, including the disability support. We met with the disability counsellor (double appointment) and from there, the boys helped one another. I stayed in touch with the disability counsellor over he phone from then on. difficult child 1 was more capable tan his friend in a lot of ways, but as not a good traveller. Friend was used to getting around the city on his own, so they ravelled together and over time, difficult child 1 got more confidence. But friend found the study challenging, so difficult child 1 held him together with that (and I rang friend and talked to him too, when he was stressed and wanting to quit). Over the years in lots of little ways, I help. Some of my friends tell me to back off, but I know if I do, nothing happens. For example, right now easy child 2/difficult child 2 is having difficulty making phone calls. So I'm working with her to help her. If I leave it, if I let her continue to stay home on her days off and not go out at all, we risk this sliding into agoraphobia. My friend says, "She's married now. That means she thinks she's ready to play at being grown up. Let her sink or swim." Not with such a difficult child. I want to hand her the water wings for a while longer. It's a better alternative to letting her drown. So instead of making phone calls for her, I talk her through writing a script, then sit with her while she makes the phone call. Some helicopter parenting is justified. But it does sound like C's mother is protecting rather than supporting. But when you raise a difficult child, unless you find a mob like us you are working in isolation and you do what you feel you have to do. Marg [/QUOTE]
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