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General Parenting
The guilt is unbearable.
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<blockquote data-quote="Vanilla" data-source="post: 135361" data-attributes="member: 2026"><p>Sarajane, please know how very "un-alone" you are. My difficult child is now 19, still lives at home, some days are ok, but when he is in a "brain lock" or perseveration on one thing, it's still hell. When he is focused on acquiring something (usually with a "loan" from me and husband), it does not matter how much we have done in the past, if we say "no" to his latest obsession, we are worthless, untrustworthy, selfish, and some less printable adjectives. He proceeds to bring out all his past injustices, including when I called the police when at age 17 he held a knife to me and his brother. Oh, but I "knew" he really wasn't going to "use" it, according to him. He gets particularly incensed when I tell him to borrow from his friends, because he always says how much more they are there for him then we, his parents, are. Really? I don't believe they provide a home, food, clothes, vehicle, etc. I think that would be my husband and I giving him all this. Bottom line, reject the guilt. You're doing what you can and you cannot succumb to the verbal abuse, because if it works it will only be repeated. Try and get your son the help he needs, but do NOT accept failure as a definition of your parenting. Hang tough, Vanilla in Arkansas</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Vanilla, post: 135361, member: 2026"] Sarajane, please know how very "un-alone" you are. My difficult child is now 19, still lives at home, some days are ok, but when he is in a "brain lock" or perseveration on one thing, it's still hell. When he is focused on acquiring something (usually with a "loan" from me and husband), it does not matter how much we have done in the past, if we say "no" to his latest obsession, we are worthless, untrustworthy, selfish, and some less printable adjectives. He proceeds to bring out all his past injustices, including when I called the police when at age 17 he held a knife to me and his brother. Oh, but I "knew" he really wasn't going to "use" it, according to him. He gets particularly incensed when I tell him to borrow from his friends, because he always says how much more they are there for him then we, his parents, are. Really? I don't believe they provide a home, food, clothes, vehicle, etc. I think that would be my husband and I giving him all this. Bottom line, reject the guilt. You're doing what you can and you cannot succumb to the verbal abuse, because if it works it will only be repeated. Try and get your son the help he needs, but do NOT accept failure as a definition of your parenting. Hang tough, Vanilla in Arkansas [/QUOTE]
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The guilt is unbearable.
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