The knuckle scraping incident

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ML, Dec 31, 2008.

  1. ML

    ML Guest

    Some of you may remember that last year manster told me that a friend of his at school, "N", told him about his friend who cut herself and that he thought it was somehow "cool". So manster, always the impressionable one, was obsessed by this and curious. One day he went outside and scraped his knuckles with a rock. He came in and told me about it right away. He decided it wasn't all that and the issue sort of just went away. BUT, I did have an opportunity to confront the mother of the boy who share this with manster when she was at field day last year. I did it in a very nice, non-accusatory way. I just said "our boys are talking about this cutting stuff and I though you should know. I told her I didn't want to make an issue out of it but that I felt she should know what the boys were discussing. She admitted to me that her daughter's "friend" was doing this. Perhaps it is true but I also thought it could be the daughter, just a feeling.

    Well this "N" is the only boy friend that manster has taken to and I like the kid. He did come to manster's birthday party last Sept but mom came too (which was fine, I have had to accompany manster to many a birthday part and was the only mom there). Since then I have tried to schedule play dates and she either doesn't return my calls or acts very strange when I ask her if N could have a playdate. I called yesterday to see if I could take the boys to the skating rink but she was awkwardly silent with me. There is something very strange there. Or maybe she just doesn't want N to play with manster, it's hard to tell.

    What do you think?

  2. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Maybe it was really her daughter doing the cutting and now she is reluctant to have play dates as she doesn't want to be found out. Maybe she is concerned that your son will pick up this habit as a result of her daughter or the "friend". It doesn't sound like she is worried about your son being the bad influence or she wouldn't have told you about her daughter's "friend".

    What if you politely ask her if there is a problem. Tell her you notice she is a bit standoffish with you. Explain to her that your son really likes her son as do you and you are concerned that something might have happened that you are not aware of to make her suddenly hesitant to allow the kids to play together. I think you should confront her on this. In a nice manner of course. She might be embarrassed about the whole cutting thing and think that you might pass judgment on her.

    Just a thought. Good luck, let us know how it plays out. :)
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    That's a tough one. I think you handled the situation very well, so I can't imagine that it was anything you did. It sounds like she could be having issues in her own house that she's trying to keep "hidden" for now or maybe she discussed things with her son and who knows what he might have told her.

    difficult child had a great friend last year- at least we thought. It was a friendship on a deeper level than what difficult child had experienced before so I was hoping it could last a long time. They got in trouble together- they went in a someone's shed, but didn't steal anything. Still, it was wrong, illegal, and they got caught and arrested. Both difficult child and the other boy's mother told me it was the other boy who initiated the incident. But, for whatever reason, the other boys' parents will not let him visit difficult child or let difficult child go to their house. The boy told my son that his parents can't stand difficult child. The boys are friends at school. The mom had said a couple of things that seemed odd to me on the phone during the "shed" period- I think something isn't quite adding up with them, either.

    Anyway, I think sometimes all we can do is try to take the high road, stay away, and maybe they'll figure out at some point that we can let our sons be friends and get together socially. It's tough on our difficult child's though- I don't know what to do other than try to console them some. We can't explain others' actions when they make no sense to us either!! I try to tell myself that sometimes, this could be a blessing in disguise!

    ps-I'm going to pm you later today- we are heading to the store right now.

    Another thought on this- I wonder if her son started doing this and she knows you'd have your eyes open to it.
    Last edited: Dec 31, 2008
  4. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    What if Manster were to initiate the call, and then if he gets a "yes", you can get on the line to hash out the details with the mom? One, it would give him some good practice with phone skills, and two, it provides a buffer between you and the for-whatever-reason awkward mom.

    There's no telling what's going on with her. It might be related to the boys' relationship. It might be something completely unrelated. You may never know.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Sounds clear that the mom wants to distance herself and possibly her son.
    I agree with-Gcv, that you could have Manster initiate the call. Otherwise, you may be out of luck. From your description, she sounds very hesitant.
    I wish I had more advice.
  6. Jena

    Jena New Member


    Mother's can be so odd, can't they?? LOL

    I agree, she's probably feeling kind weird, maybe bad that her son got your son to do that sort of thing. I think i'd just go over one day with-coffee call first and say hey can we talk?? say how Manster really likes her son, and how kids do things yet it's great that the two of you have an open line of communication so that the two of you can keep ontop of things regarding both your kids. Maybe that approach would work??? I'm not quite sure if i'd manster initiate only because i did that once with difficult child adn it blew up in my face and she wound up getting hurt and rejected.

    wish you luck.