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Oh boy, is the pain of this familiar.  If you're a school teacher like I was until I retired two years ago, hello to a colleague.


My difficult daughter who is now 41 with two children has not spoken to me for four years and has kept my grandchildren from me.  I tried to help hundreds of times in so many ways: money, rent, cars, taking her in, hiring lawyers, traveling to retrieve her from her choices, paying for therapy, and on, and on.  It sounds like you have done as much to help your daughter turn her life around. 


My daughter always showed up when she wanted rescuing, but wanted little to do with me otherwise.  I am the villain in her story.   The verbal abuse, worry, rage, legal issues took their toll.  I hear them taking their toll on you.  I came to believe that I deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.  You deserve that too.


You are justified in setting boundaries to protect yourself emotionally and physically.  It's heartbreaking and hurts to see those we love on their destructive paths, especially when children are involved, but I think you are making the right choice.  I am strong, but I still stumble and fall. It takes healing and practice to hold the boundaries and detach with love.  Be gentle with yourself on this journey.


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