Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
The letter was delivered.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 381448" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Shari, by making that statement that "restraint is a last resort when Wee is a danger to himself and others" I think the supervisor is saying, in this case restraint was definitely not warranted.</p><p></p><p>It increasingly seems to me that the paras were knowingly escalating this. Not to deliberately provoke him, but think about it - how man of us feel angry and want to make a point with a difficult kid, of "you won't push me around"? The kid tries this, we block it. So the kid tries that, we block that too.</p><p>The trouble is, if you do that to a difficult child who is either still vey young, or socially immature, or just doesn't get it, you escalate, and all that happens is major fallout. Nothing learned on either side.</p><p></p><p>From my observation, some schools have staff who work this way. They shouldn't, not in this day and age, but there are still many pockets of recalcitrance in eduction systems around the world. The training they have had (if any) is probably outdated and limited to ow to keep themselves safe form a kid on a rampage, rather than how to prevent the rampage in the first place.</p><p></p><p>Removing those cards was a mistake. With hindsight it was shown to be a mistake. Those who had remained in the room with Wee should have spoken up at that point and corrected this. The problem then became one of the para not wanting to lose face. The trouble is, our difficult children learn how to behave by modelling the behaviour shown to them. ANd how else can a child learn to say, "I got it wrong, I'm sorry," if the adults they look up to don't model this?</p><p></p><p>It can be the most difficult thing in the world to admit to a child, especially one who is on the cusp of bad behaviour, that you have made a mistake. So often, too, I have seen someone make such a mistake, trigger a rage, and the adult then says, "Well, I realise I made a mistake but given the way you're behaving now, there is no way I will reward that bad behaviour."</p><p></p><p>THAT IS WRONG THINKING! There is ALWAYS room to say, "I got it wrong." If the child is now raging, then you say, "I got it wrong, I am sorry, but you need to get yourself back under control so I can fix this." The child does NOT necessarily get rewarded by the bad behaviour; you still have plenty of scope to say, "Your behaviour, while understandable, is not acceptable. I am letting you have what you want because I made a mistake, not because of your behaviour." And you keep maknig tht clear, after the child has calmed down.</p><p></p><p>Calm the child first, then try to teach. You can rarely successfully "teach a lesson" to a raging child.</p><p></p><p>They're flamin' idiots, Shari. But what you are describing by Due Process - sounds like what I was trying to describe. And the advocate who is champing at the bit for a battle - IF that advocate will follow through and not drop the ball halfway (as some battle-hungry individuals can do) then hand the ball to her. I think it's time to put the boot in. Yes, the IEP should be followed. But they still have too much wiggle room in there, for them to do things the way they want and then justify it afterwards. I think the only way to remove the wiggle room fast, is to threaten DP and then follow through. What is needed right now, is follow-through.</p><p></p><p>As you said, they've had enough time to get this right, they've had enough time to get the training and experience, you've had enough input with them (including you showing up free of charge to demonstrate how it works) and they still are making excuses and blaming you and Wee.</p><p></p><p>Sorry to hassle you, but my vote is - throw them to the lions. These people are metaphorically standing on the edge of the lion pit, dancing about, saying, "I'm not doing anything inappropriate!" andgenerally in everything they say or do they are demonstrating that they not only can't do the right thing, but will continue to make excuses when they get it wrong. Repeatedly. And every day this continues, Wee gets another day older and another day of his educational opportunities is wasted.</p><p></p><p>Shari, the lions need feeding. </p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 381448, member: 1991"] Shari, by making that statement that "restraint is a last resort when Wee is a danger to himself and others" I think the supervisor is saying, in this case restraint was definitely not warranted. It increasingly seems to me that the paras were knowingly escalating this. Not to deliberately provoke him, but think about it - how man of us feel angry and want to make a point with a difficult kid, of "you won't push me around"? The kid tries this, we block it. So the kid tries that, we block that too. The trouble is, if you do that to a difficult child who is either still vey young, or socially immature, or just doesn't get it, you escalate, and all that happens is major fallout. Nothing learned on either side. From my observation, some schools have staff who work this way. They shouldn't, not in this day and age, but there are still many pockets of recalcitrance in eduction systems around the world. The training they have had (if any) is probably outdated and limited to ow to keep themselves safe form a kid on a rampage, rather than how to prevent the rampage in the first place. Removing those cards was a mistake. With hindsight it was shown to be a mistake. Those who had remained in the room with Wee should have spoken up at that point and corrected this. The problem then became one of the para not wanting to lose face. The trouble is, our difficult children learn how to behave by modelling the behaviour shown to them. ANd how else can a child learn to say, "I got it wrong, I'm sorry," if the adults they look up to don't model this? It can be the most difficult thing in the world to admit to a child, especially one who is on the cusp of bad behaviour, that you have made a mistake. So often, too, I have seen someone make such a mistake, trigger a rage, and the adult then says, "Well, I realise I made a mistake but given the way you're behaving now, there is no way I will reward that bad behaviour." THAT IS WRONG THINKING! There is ALWAYS room to say, "I got it wrong." If the child is now raging, then you say, "I got it wrong, I am sorry, but you need to get yourself back under control so I can fix this." The child does NOT necessarily get rewarded by the bad behaviour; you still have plenty of scope to say, "Your behaviour, while understandable, is not acceptable. I am letting you have what you want because I made a mistake, not because of your behaviour." And you keep maknig tht clear, after the child has calmed down. Calm the child first, then try to teach. You can rarely successfully "teach a lesson" to a raging child. They're flamin' idiots, Shari. But what you are describing by Due Process - sounds like what I was trying to describe. And the advocate who is champing at the bit for a battle - IF that advocate will follow through and not drop the ball halfway (as some battle-hungry individuals can do) then hand the ball to her. I think it's time to put the boot in. Yes, the IEP should be followed. But they still have too much wiggle room in there, for them to do things the way they want and then justify it afterwards. I think the only way to remove the wiggle room fast, is to threaten DP and then follow through. What is needed right now, is follow-through. As you said, they've had enough time to get this right, they've had enough time to get the training and experience, you've had enough input with them (including you showing up free of charge to demonstrate how it works) and they still are making excuses and blaming you and Wee. Sorry to hassle you, but my vote is - throw them to the lions. These people are metaphorically standing on the edge of the lion pit, dancing about, saying, "I'm not doing anything inappropriate!" andgenerally in everything they say or do they are demonstrating that they not only can't do the right thing, but will continue to make excuses when they get it wrong. Repeatedly. And every day this continues, Wee gets another day older and another day of his educational opportunities is wasted. Shari, the lions need feeding. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
The letter was delivered.
Top