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The nights are the longest
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<blockquote data-quote="ANewLife4Me" data-source="post: 764871" data-attributes="member: 32799"><p>Welcome healinginside, I had tears reading this. If you have read my story daughter also is in jail right now, she has severe mental issues, some drug and alcohol use. </p><p></p><p>You explain how much you have helped him, that everyone has and he had thousands of chances. That’s where we must stop and think. We did the same for our daughter, 10 years now and we are at the same result today as when we started helping her. Nothing has changed one bit. My daughter once said to me, I dont ask but, if your going to give me money or a place to stay…I will take it. That hurt, no gratitude, almost blaming us for helping her out. It’s a hard thing for us to accept that they will continue to use us, they will shame us, they will abuse us into getting their way. </p><p></p><p>My daughter is also very violent and we are the only ones who have helped her out. She will be super mad at us once she gets out of jail and I know she will come right to our home and try to plead how she is different now, she found God in jail, she will do whatever we want. The jail is within a 2 hour walk from our home. <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😬" title="Grimacing face :grimacing:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f62c.png" data-shortname=":grimacing:" /> This time around when we received that collect call from jail, we did not accept it. When the bail bondsmen called, we said no. It came to a point of everytime that phone rang I had a panic attack. This is the point with you both having health issues to make a very hard decision. For me it was changing my phone number. Oh healing, I cannot tell you how doing that tore me up! <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="😭" title="Loudly crying face :sob:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/1f62d.png" data-shortname=":sob:" /> I was depressed for months, nothing but thoughts of her every waking moment. I had to force myself out of this out of fear for my own health or self harm. We have made the decision of no contact, no calls, no money in her canteen, no visits to jail. No more living with us when she gets out, no money….ect. </p><p></p><p>Our children are masters at manipulating us. We deserve a peaceful life, we deserve to not fear what they will do to us and our home. Maybe seek a trespassing order and restraining order before he gets out. I am thinking he will be in for awhile this time as the same with my daughter…she punched a hospital employee which is a felony plus her other times in jail will weigh heavily on her with this one. Also, I would put up cameras around the house. I have Ring set up on my front door and 2 others attached to my gutters, I might need one more for full coverage. This is still not enough protection for me and told my husband will not be opening curtains or windows for fresh air….will not go outside alone when she gets out. The fear of her attacking us or our home is great as with you. If this becomes an issue we will absolutely move. I hate if it comes to this, since we bought our home houses are double now what we are paying currently. </p><p></p><p>I pray for you and your family and neighbors….PLEASE try and separate yourself from him. He knows your heart, he knows how weak you are, he knows what to say or demand things to get his way. You should think of yourself at this time, nothing has worked in the past for him nor will it now unless he wants to start helping himself first. If my daughter showed true wanting of helping herself, going to mental health counseling, mental health drugs, holding a job…..I know she can work as she had a job 3 years when she lived with us. Only then will I consider helping her but, never ever living with us again. The day to day verbal abuse, walking on eggshells she will be aggressive any second. We have chosen to do for us this time around. Oh it hurts! Trust me! But it’s been a year since she left us and at this very moment, I am at peace. Until she gets out of jail that is. </p><p></p><p>Big hugs to you! I pray you can make a choice that you are comfortable with. Each of us has our own timeline and how we do things. After 10 years, my husband and I deserve our life now. <img class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" alt="❤️" title="Red heart :heart:" src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/6.6/png/unicode/64/2764.png" data-shortname=":heart:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="ANewLife4Me, post: 764871, member: 32799"] Welcome healinginside, I had tears reading this. If you have read my story daughter also is in jail right now, she has severe mental issues, some drug and alcohol use. You explain how much you have helped him, that everyone has and he had thousands of chances. That’s where we must stop and think. We did the same for our daughter, 10 years now and we are at the same result today as when we started helping her. Nothing has changed one bit. My daughter once said to me, I dont ask but, if your going to give me money or a place to stay…I will take it. That hurt, no gratitude, almost blaming us for helping her out. It’s a hard thing for us to accept that they will continue to use us, they will shame us, they will abuse us into getting their way. My daughter is also very violent and we are the only ones who have helped her out. She will be super mad at us once she gets out of jail and I know she will come right to our home and try to plead how she is different now, she found God in jail, she will do whatever we want. The jail is within a 2 hour walk from our home. 😬 This time around when we received that collect call from jail, we did not accept it. When the bail bondsmen called, we said no. It came to a point of everytime that phone rang I had a panic attack. This is the point with you both having health issues to make a very hard decision. For me it was changing my phone number. Oh healing, I cannot tell you how doing that tore me up! 😭 I was depressed for months, nothing but thoughts of her every waking moment. I had to force myself out of this out of fear for my own health or self harm. We have made the decision of no contact, no calls, no money in her canteen, no visits to jail. No more living with us when she gets out, no money….ect. Our children are masters at manipulating us. We deserve a peaceful life, we deserve to not fear what they will do to us and our home. Maybe seek a trespassing order and restraining order before he gets out. I am thinking he will be in for awhile this time as the same with my daughter…she punched a hospital employee which is a felony plus her other times in jail will weigh heavily on her with this one. Also, I would put up cameras around the house. I have Ring set up on my front door and 2 others attached to my gutters, I might need one more for full coverage. This is still not enough protection for me and told my husband will not be opening curtains or windows for fresh air….will not go outside alone when she gets out. The fear of her attacking us or our home is great as with you. If this becomes an issue we will absolutely move. I hate if it comes to this, since we bought our home houses are double now what we are paying currently. I pray for you and your family and neighbors….PLEASE try and separate yourself from him. He knows your heart, he knows how weak you are, he knows what to say or demand things to get his way. You should think of yourself at this time, nothing has worked in the past for him nor will it now unless he wants to start helping himself first. If my daughter showed true wanting of helping herself, going to mental health counseling, mental health drugs, holding a job…..I know she can work as she had a job 3 years when she lived with us. Only then will I consider helping her but, never ever living with us again. The day to day verbal abuse, walking on eggshells she will be aggressive any second. We have chosen to do for us this time around. Oh it hurts! Trust me! But it’s been a year since she left us and at this very moment, I am at peace. Until she gets out of jail that is. Big hugs to you! I pray you can make a choice that you are comfortable with. Each of us has our own timeline and how we do things. After 10 years, my husband and I deserve our life now. ❤️ [/QUOTE]
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