The pity me conversation again...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by tracyf551, Apr 9, 2009.

  1. tracyf551

    tracyf551 New Member

    Well here we go again. Let me get you up to date. difficult child is now doing the oh my god drug, heroin. (saw the track marks and he admitted it) So that was it I told him he cannot come here for anything till he goes thru treatment. Well he says he won't go cuz of the warrant out for him. They will pick him up in treatment so he wont go. So I haven't heard from him in a few days (I'm sure he staying with a friend) Now tonight he contacts me to ask if I made supper he hasn't eaten in 3 days. I told him he could come get something to eat but he had to leave right after. then all the sudden he wasn't hungry anymore. Then says he slept in a park, then he's in a park "right now doing dope". And if he OD's it'll be my fault cuz he can't come home. I told him go to the emergency room and ask for crisis they will feed him and give him a bed.
    All this after just 3 days ago everything in his life is my fault, he hates me, he hopes I can live with myself and so on.
    Oh yeah this is all thru text messaging by the way.
    I feel bad he is out there but I have to be strong and not give him the satisfaction of not letting him know that.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Next time, offer nothing.

    I have alot of trouble being generous with someone who blames me for everything wrong in their lives.

    He's trying to manipulate thru guilt. Doing a rather poor job of it....but that's what he is attempting to do.

    I am so sorry he's progressed to heroine. That's an extremely hard drug to give up, so I hear. It's my best friend's drug of choice. Well, she'd be my best friend if she could ever manage to get clean.

    You did the right thing. Stay strong. I know it's hard......especially knowing what you know now.

  3. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    You sound like me. My son would say the same things to me. He has no where to call home right now either. It is so hard sometimes I wonder if it is worth it to let them suffer. I believe we suffer more.
  4. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I'm just offering a hug. Living with a drug addicted difficult child is so stressful even when the drugs are pills and pot, I can't imagine the hard OMG drugs. We have had some CD family success stories when H was involved. Also we have
    never lost a difficult child who has traveled that wretched road. Hopefully those two
    facts might give a little flicker of light at the end of the tunnel. Please know that I have included you in my prayers with hope that your son can face his demons and get on a normal life road. DDD
  5. goldenguru

    goldenguru Active Member

    Oh how very difficult. You did an amazing job by staying so strong. Kudos for you.

  6. gottaloveem

    gottaloveem Active Member

    Oh DDD that is not true, that is how we lost our son Alex.

    I'm proud of you for being strong. Next time he starts whining, remind him that he is living the life of a drug addict. If he wants a warm bed and food, he needs to get clean. I'm not sure about him getting hauled into jail if he goes into treatment.

    I'm sorry he is throwing the guilt at you. If it makes you feel any better, my son was living at home with us supporting him (17) when he died. He didn't OD in a park because we wouldn't help. It was quite the opposite. Unfortunately the drug of choice our sons chose is extremely dangerous. There is no other option for him but to quit.

    Remind him the only help you will give him is to a treatment center, perhaps you can pay for the suboxone? Tell him you wont help until he wants to get clean. I'm so sorry.

  7. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Another here that understands emotional manipulation and an addict who will say anything they can to "use" you too when drugs aren't enough. That's what they do, use, use, use People Places and Things.

    You were did good.
    Offering the right kind of help instead of temporary "feel goods" seems to be the way to go.
  8. Star*

    Star* call 911

    People who do drugs and abuse drugs do NOT have the ability to think logically - other wise they would call heroin SMARTIES.......

    When I got to this point with my x? I finally said out of sheer frustration - "Oh you're going to kill yourself if I don't go write a bad check for $100 and bring you cash to do more dope so you can come down on?" huh.......

    Then long pause and then I said
    "So what happens to YOU if you don't get to come down? Will you die?" and he said "Yes!!!!! and it will be all your fault." and so I said "Okay well, then go ahead and die, I'm not going to get you any money, write a bad check or bring my son to the baddest end of town - it was nice knowing you." and I hung up.

    He's still alive, he still is getting high at 54 and he's still an idiot......and I'm still wishing he had OD and got out of our lives. NO matter what I said or did or wished or told him - NOTHING changed - just the faces of the people who could give him cash and let him bully them.

    I'm so sorry for you - stay strong - sending huge hugs.
  9. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    He's just as likely to get picked up sleeping in a park as he is in treatment. MAybe the only way to get him into treatment is to tell him that if he comes home you will call the police and turn him in. That way when he gets out of prison he can go to treatment. Then you can assure him that most likely they would let him stay in treatment and reschedule his hearing. They don't want to hold onto a junkie in withdrawal if the junkie has a bed to do it somewhere else.
  10. standswithcourage

    standswithcourage New Member

    I can understand your concern. You are really strong. The others have posted very smart advice toyou. Personally my son hasnt done herion in a while (I think) anyway I do know what you are feeling. Keep being tough. I believe that is the only thing we can do to help.