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<blockquote data-quote="WSM" data-source="post: 273091" data-attributes="member: 5169"><p>He is compliant about the grounding, he goes in there without argument. He never throws tantrums, his demeanor is timid and frightened.</p><p> </p><p>On the outside of his door we have a window alarm. When the door opens and the contact is broken, an alarm goes off. He's a masterful sneak. I've got amazing stories of how he got from point a to point b without anyone seeing that you wouldn't believe, except for the fact that he got from point a to point b.</p><p> </p><p>He does vandalize, but since his game is he's an angel and he didn't do it, it's kind of hard to pull off. But just the same he's destroyed most of his things, slashed his bed, dumped paint and syrup in his room, peeled plaster off walls, etc... "It was like that" "I don't know how that happened".</p><p> </p><p>He has very little furniture in his room, just the essentials, and his closet is padlocked shut. His room is kind of like a military barracks, it does not take long to search. The most tedious part is going through all the clothes, he will hide things in the pockets, or the fingers of gloves, etc...</p><p> </p><p>A week or so ago he snuck a knife upstairs and slashed his window screen. husband had liquid nailed the screens into the frames so they wouldn't blow out. difficult child on several occasions has slashed his mattress, but this time he only slashed his window screen. ("I didn't slash my window screen, how could I get a knife in this room, it won't fit in my pocket"--like it can't be tucked into a waste band. We are too stupid to think of that. The kinife was found under his mattress). </p><p> </p><p>Outside his window is a ledge that goes across the front of the house. I think he left in the night and either threw his shoes in the neighbor's yard, or somehow climbed down from the second storey. We know he can do that because about two years ago he did and the police picked him up in the middle of the night walking around with his pjs on over his clothes (usually it would be the other way around, clothes over pjs--weird). But how could he get back up? My 14 yo son was able to climb up using the side electrical box. But he's a gymnast and he was 2 years older and taller. difficult child is a scrawny little thing...but maybe...</p><p> </p><p>I think he might have left the room at night and disposed of his shoes. I told husband my theory and husband said (at the possibility that he left the room at night thru the window), "Well, nothing bad happened." Which tells me that husband probably thinks it's true but doesn't think it's a big deal. </p><p> </p><p>When I mentioned it to difficult child, he said, "How could I go out the window, I'd get hurt." I pointed out there was a ledge outside the window abt 2ft lower than the window sill (how dumb DOES he think we are?). So then he switched to the "How could I get back in my room. Every morning I'm in my room." The way he said it, too glib, too innocent, made me sure that this is what's happening.</p><p> </p><p>Ok, so what? Well, he can go out his window and come in downstairs and wander the house. The 17 and 19 yo wander in and out at all hours and don't always think to lock the door behind them. Because they are usually up until 3 or 4, it would be tricky for difficult child to wander freely downstairs, and the layout of the first floor is open, but it wouldn't be impossible. They aren't watching for him after all. I want husband to fix the window so it can't be opened more than 4 inches. (In case of fire, difficult child could break the glass. They are windows from 1979 and easy to break). Sometimes on the news you hear of people who chain their kids to a bed. We would NEVER do that, NEVER EVER...but I can understand why people might be driven to it.</p><p> </p><p>So I don't know. But I do know that the last 5 days of grounding him have been a relief for me, and for daughter. She gets to leave her DS on the coach when she goes to the bathroom. I noticed husband left his wallet and keys on the kitchen counter. </p><p> </p><p>But it brings us back to the idea that our dilemma: our freedom is purchased at the cost of his liberty; his freedom is deprives us of ours. But you can't morally keep a kid in his room whenever he's home and if you do so, you can't expect him to become an emotionally stable adult.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WSM, post: 273091, member: 5169"] He is compliant about the grounding, he goes in there without argument. He never throws tantrums, his demeanor is timid and frightened. On the outside of his door we have a window alarm. When the door opens and the contact is broken, an alarm goes off. He's a masterful sneak. I've got amazing stories of how he got from point a to point b without anyone seeing that you wouldn't believe, except for the fact that he got from point a to point b. He does vandalize, but since his game is he's an angel and he didn't do it, it's kind of hard to pull off. But just the same he's destroyed most of his things, slashed his bed, dumped paint and syrup in his room, peeled plaster off walls, etc... "It was like that" "I don't know how that happened". He has very little furniture in his room, just the essentials, and his closet is padlocked shut. His room is kind of like a military barracks, it does not take long to search. The most tedious part is going through all the clothes, he will hide things in the pockets, or the fingers of gloves, etc... A week or so ago he snuck a knife upstairs and slashed his window screen. husband had liquid nailed the screens into the frames so they wouldn't blow out. difficult child on several occasions has slashed his mattress, but this time he only slashed his window screen. ("I didn't slash my window screen, how could I get a knife in this room, it won't fit in my pocket"--like it can't be tucked into a waste band. We are too stupid to think of that. The kinife was found under his mattress). Outside his window is a ledge that goes across the front of the house. I think he left in the night and either threw his shoes in the neighbor's yard, or somehow climbed down from the second storey. We know he can do that because about two years ago he did and the police picked him up in the middle of the night walking around with his pjs on over his clothes (usually it would be the other way around, clothes over pjs--weird). But how could he get back up? My 14 yo son was able to climb up using the side electrical box. But he's a gymnast and he was 2 years older and taller. difficult child is a scrawny little thing...but maybe... I think he might have left the room at night and disposed of his shoes. I told husband my theory and husband said (at the possibility that he left the room at night thru the window), "Well, nothing bad happened." Which tells me that husband probably thinks it's true but doesn't think it's a big deal. When I mentioned it to difficult child, he said, "How could I go out the window, I'd get hurt." I pointed out there was a ledge outside the window abt 2ft lower than the window sill (how dumb DOES he think we are?). So then he switched to the "How could I get back in my room. Every morning I'm in my room." The way he said it, too glib, too innocent, made me sure that this is what's happening. Ok, so what? Well, he can go out his window and come in downstairs and wander the house. The 17 and 19 yo wander in and out at all hours and don't always think to lock the door behind them. Because they are usually up until 3 or 4, it would be tricky for difficult child to wander freely downstairs, and the layout of the first floor is open, but it wouldn't be impossible. They aren't watching for him after all. I want husband to fix the window so it can't be opened more than 4 inches. (In case of fire, difficult child could break the glass. They are windows from 1979 and easy to break). Sometimes on the news you hear of people who chain their kids to a bed. We would NEVER do that, NEVER EVER...but I can understand why people might be driven to it. So I don't know. But I do know that the last 5 days of grounding him have been a relief for me, and for daughter. She gets to leave her DS on the coach when she goes to the bathroom. I noticed husband left his wallet and keys on the kitchen counter. But it brings us back to the idea that our dilemma: our freedom is purchased at the cost of his liberty; his freedom is deprives us of ours. But you can't morally keep a kid in his room whenever he's home and if you do so, you can't expect him to become an emotionally stable adult. [/QUOTE]
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