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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 409296" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>That's exactly what he's like DDD!! To a <strong>T</strong>! I have thought about logging it in and even this morning jokingly thought to myself that if I did, I'd spend all day writing as fast as I can and still not be able to keep up with all the conflicting direction, giving direction to start something else before having half the time needed to finish the first thing he told to do right away (stop what you're doing and do A; A takes 1 1/2 days to do; 4 hours later- stop what you're doing and do B, etc), logging the berating comments, etc. </p><p></p><p>But today- the issue was a little simpler so I thought I'd relay it here and see if you wise ones can help me forrm a plan to deal with this aspect of him, at least.</p><p></p><p>Background: Boss lets people put their time in work with a little flexibility- working from 7:00-4:00 with a 1 hour lunch or choosing to work 7:30-4:00 with 1/2 hour lunch, for example. He also allows 15 min breaks- once in am and once in pm. Fine. Now some take way too much advantage of this but since I normally like to come home and let my dogs out at lunch, I had never taken any am or pm breaks and took about 1 hour lunch and worked 7:30 to about 3:45-4:00. I thought that was fine because me position requires a lot of overtime with the travel involved and he'd never had a problem with this.</p><p></p><p>Today, we just avoided the need to converse which was good and a relief actually. This afternoon I was spent and had sent him 3 things I was finally able to finish- mainly because he didn't talk to me today. Also, in one of the emails, I reminded him I'd be out of town for this next project all next week- and he knows that means overtime. So then about 3:30, I asked if he minded if I took off. He asked to go where. I said Home. He said if I was willing to take it off my time sheet that was fine. I looked at the clock again and said I'd be fine taking 1/2 hour off. Then, I remembered that due to some special things going on at the property this week, I hadn't been coming home at linch and had taken 20-30 mins only for lunch (still no breaks) the past two days and I hadn't called this to his attention. </p><p></p><p>So I nicely said "oh, just so you'll be kept informed, I have only taken 20-30 min breaks at lunch the past two days." He said "So". I said "well, normally I take a longer lunch than that but since it would have taken me so much longer to get home and back the last few days, I didn't do that yesterday or today".</p><p></p><p>He started responding before I barely finished the sentence with (and in a tad bit of a defensive voice) "well, I have nothing to do with how long it takes you to get home and back and you should be accounting for that when you plan how long you'll need to take for lunch"</p><p></p><p>I just said OK and left. But I was thinking that his response had nothing to do with what I was saying or the topic at hand, which is usually how things spin out of control quickly with him. He had never, not even today, said anything about how long I take for lunch so I don't think that's what prompted his response. I wasn't complaining about taking a short lunch but maybe he assumed that before really hearing what I was saying. (I think he does that sort of thing A LOT.) But then, I also wonder if there's more of a glitch inhis thinking than I had originally thought. It never seemed to occur to him at all that I was trying to let him know that I hadn't taken an hour lunch today and still was asking to leave at 3:30. I was trying to nicely let him know that I wasn't trying to push things to the limit, time-wise.</p><p></p><p>Things started that way yesterday and the time before too. I had just been telling him something and before I finished the sentence he was jumping to conclusions and giving me the next direction based on those conclusions, which I knew was not making a well-informed, thought out decision on his part because he hadn't let me finish reporting all the findings I was giving him from my research before jumpinig to that conclusion. When I calmly suggested that he give it a little time and verify a couple of things before proceeding with that direction to others, he completely blew up on me and according to him, I might as well have been a pompass idiot.</p><p></p><p>So it's one thing to be the type of person who jumps to conclusions, but it's another to become basicly verbally abusive to someone when they try to work with you on it. That's the part I'm having a big problem with. And yes, it sure does stress me out and effect confidence and self-esteem. Mine was weak to begin with just getting back into the work force after all the other stuff i'd been thru and I'm sure that's how I ended up being his easy target. Anyway, I can prevent some fraction of this from happening to begin with, it might decrease the "incidences" a little. </p><p></p><p>Any ideas on how to prevent someone from jumping to conclusions or how to deal with it when they assume they know everything you're going to say before you get out half of it and you know that last half might make all the difference in the world?</p><p></p><p>I swear, after previous GAL, PO, and difficult child being that way, I am starting to feel doomed to having people like that in my life on a regular basis!! Do I have "doormat" written on me somewhere?? Or something else that automatically makes people think I deserve to be beaten down emotionally- like I've done something horrible to someone or something?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 409296, member: 3699"] That's exactly what he's like DDD!! To a [B]T[/B]! I have thought about logging it in and even this morning jokingly thought to myself that if I did, I'd spend all day writing as fast as I can and still not be able to keep up with all the conflicting direction, giving direction to start something else before having half the time needed to finish the first thing he told to do right away (stop what you're doing and do A; A takes 1 1/2 days to do; 4 hours later- stop what you're doing and do B, etc), logging the berating comments, etc. But today- the issue was a little simpler so I thought I'd relay it here and see if you wise ones can help me forrm a plan to deal with this aspect of him, at least. Background: Boss lets people put their time in work with a little flexibility- working from 7:00-4:00 with a 1 hour lunch or choosing to work 7:30-4:00 with 1/2 hour lunch, for example. He also allows 15 min breaks- once in am and once in pm. Fine. Now some take way too much advantage of this but since I normally like to come home and let my dogs out at lunch, I had never taken any am or pm breaks and took about 1 hour lunch and worked 7:30 to about 3:45-4:00. I thought that was fine because me position requires a lot of overtime with the travel involved and he'd never had a problem with this. Today, we just avoided the need to converse which was good and a relief actually. This afternoon I was spent and had sent him 3 things I was finally able to finish- mainly because he didn't talk to me today. Also, in one of the emails, I reminded him I'd be out of town for this next project all next week- and he knows that means overtime. So then about 3:30, I asked if he minded if I took off. He asked to go where. I said Home. He said if I was willing to take it off my time sheet that was fine. I looked at the clock again and said I'd be fine taking 1/2 hour off. Then, I remembered that due to some special things going on at the property this week, I hadn't been coming home at linch and had taken 20-30 mins only for lunch (still no breaks) the past two days and I hadn't called this to his attention. So I nicely said "oh, just so you'll be kept informed, I have only taken 20-30 min breaks at lunch the past two days." He said "So". I said "well, normally I take a longer lunch than that but since it would have taken me so much longer to get home and back the last few days, I didn't do that yesterday or today". He started responding before I barely finished the sentence with (and in a tad bit of a defensive voice) "well, I have nothing to do with how long it takes you to get home and back and you should be accounting for that when you plan how long you'll need to take for lunch" I just said OK and left. But I was thinking that his response had nothing to do with what I was saying or the topic at hand, which is usually how things spin out of control quickly with him. He had never, not even today, said anything about how long I take for lunch so I don't think that's what prompted his response. I wasn't complaining about taking a short lunch but maybe he assumed that before really hearing what I was saying. (I think he does that sort of thing A LOT.) But then, I also wonder if there's more of a glitch inhis thinking than I had originally thought. It never seemed to occur to him at all that I was trying to let him know that I hadn't taken an hour lunch today and still was asking to leave at 3:30. I was trying to nicely let him know that I wasn't trying to push things to the limit, time-wise. Things started that way yesterday and the time before too. I had just been telling him something and before I finished the sentence he was jumping to conclusions and giving me the next direction based on those conclusions, which I knew was not making a well-informed, thought out decision on his part because he hadn't let me finish reporting all the findings I was giving him from my research before jumpinig to that conclusion. When I calmly suggested that he give it a little time and verify a couple of things before proceeding with that direction to others, he completely blew up on me and according to him, I might as well have been a pompass idiot. So it's one thing to be the type of person who jumps to conclusions, but it's another to become basicly verbally abusive to someone when they try to work with you on it. That's the part I'm having a big problem with. And yes, it sure does stress me out and effect confidence and self-esteem. Mine was weak to begin with just getting back into the work force after all the other stuff i'd been thru and I'm sure that's how I ended up being his easy target. Anyway, I can prevent some fraction of this from happening to begin with, it might decrease the "incidences" a little. Any ideas on how to prevent someone from jumping to conclusions or how to deal with it when they assume they know everything you're going to say before you get out half of it and you know that last half might make all the difference in the world? I swear, after previous GAL, PO, and difficult child being that way, I am starting to feel doomed to having people like that in my life on a regular basis!! Do I have "doormat" written on me somewhere?? Or something else that automatically makes people think I deserve to be beaten down emotionally- like I've done something horrible to someone or something? [/QUOTE]
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