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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 149332" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I think he has to accept that as things are getting a bit tense, and the only way someone can be found to do the service is that he has to do the counselling in order to get SOMEONE to marry them - just do it. For heaven's sake, if they are so happy together that they feel counselling is not needed, then surely that will be quickly obvious to the pastor and he will get the counselling over and done with quickly? </p><p></p><p>Even in a good relationship, a bit of counselling never hurts. </p><p></p><p>husband & I were getting married in the parish where I grew up. We'd both lost contact with the various churches where we grew up - me especially, as my family had moved, twice, the second time having to leave me behind to live on my own.</p><p></p><p>So the minister didn't know me from a bar of soap. I knew his organist, I knew the choir people, I knew a lot of the congregation - but we no longer went to that church (too far from where I'd been scratching out a living in the city).</p><p></p><p>So of course the minister wanted to counsel us. "Where are you living?"</p><p>We gave the address. The same one.</p><p>"Hm," he said. "There's a lot of that going around these days. And you have a best man - who is he and where does he live?"</p><p>We gave him the details - the best man was sharing a three-bedroom place with us. Same address. By now the minister's eyebrows were climbing into his hairline.</p><p></p><p>I'm sure he must have had misgivings, thinking we were living in some permissive free love hippie household, but he did perform the ceremony for us.</p><p></p><p>When easy child was born a few years later, husband & I still didn't have a church of our own to belong to, so we had her christened back in my old parish, with the same minister. He seemed surprised and flattered we'd thought of him, and we felt vindicated - we were still married (to each other) and had now brought our child along.</p><p></p><p>He retired soon after, probably still thinking odd things about us, but frankly, it doesn't matter. What matters is we got married, to each other, we're happy still after 30 years, OUR opinions of each other count for far more.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 149332, member: 1991"] I think he has to accept that as things are getting a bit tense, and the only way someone can be found to do the service is that he has to do the counselling in order to get SOMEONE to marry them - just do it. For heaven's sake, if they are so happy together that they feel counselling is not needed, then surely that will be quickly obvious to the pastor and he will get the counselling over and done with quickly? Even in a good relationship, a bit of counselling never hurts. husband & I were getting married in the parish where I grew up. We'd both lost contact with the various churches where we grew up - me especially, as my family had moved, twice, the second time having to leave me behind to live on my own. So the minister didn't know me from a bar of soap. I knew his organist, I knew the choir people, I knew a lot of the congregation - but we no longer went to that church (too far from where I'd been scratching out a living in the city). So of course the minister wanted to counsel us. "Where are you living?" We gave the address. The same one. "Hm," he said. "There's a lot of that going around these days. And you have a best man - who is he and where does he live?" We gave him the details - the best man was sharing a three-bedroom place with us. Same address. By now the minister's eyebrows were climbing into his hairline. I'm sure he must have had misgivings, thinking we were living in some permissive free love hippie household, but he did perform the ceremony for us. When easy child was born a few years later, husband & I still didn't have a church of our own to belong to, so we had her christened back in my old parish, with the same minister. He seemed surprised and flattered we'd thought of him, and we felt vindicated - we were still married (to each other) and had now brought our child along. He retired soon after, probably still thinking odd things about us, but frankly, it doesn't matter. What matters is we got married, to each other, we're happy still after 30 years, OUR opinions of each other count for far more. Marg [/QUOTE]
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