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Family of Origin
The win and the loss
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 676743" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Thank you Cedar. I have read through the FOO chronicles. You have all done a lot of work, and come very far. I am following behind. I am tardy to the class, so to speak. I am thankful for your kindness and patience.</p><p></p><p>This is true, we are meant to be healthy and whole, in every way.</p><p>Not being sure how to do it I think has to do with a lot of these feelings and memories coming back full force <em>concurrently</em> with the emotional turmoil of dealing with my two girls. More so, with detachment. There is this void. Then the stages of grief, and guilt, self examination.</p><p>It is a rawness, that connects with the feelings from the past.</p><p>It becomes a huge rabbit hole fallen into. Dream, or real? </p><p><img src="https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/01/e3/37/01e337183dce1c5284e6fde4e9847720.jpg" alt="" class="fr-fic fr-dii fr-draggable " style="" /></p><p>"Compassion is reason with a human face, </p><p>sympathetic rationality, </p><p><em>suffering yearning for its own expiration</em>."</p><p><a href="http://www.erudit.org/revue/LTP/1998/v54/n1/401135ar.pdf" target="_blank">http://www.erudit.org/revue/LTP/1998/v54/n1/401135ar.pdf</a></p><p> Here is a good article on perfectionism. Dad was a perfectionist. It is not good. Nobody is perfect. Perfection prevents our vulnerability, which stops us dead in our tracks. We are afraid to make a mistake. </p><p><a href="http://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/Perfectionism.pdf" target="_blank">http://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/Perfectionism.pdf</a></p><p></p><p>This is true Cedar. <em>Our children are in danger and in trouble.</em> </p><p> It is up to them to want to change their situation.</p><p> It is up to me, to understand better ways to respond to their suffering.</p><p> Not to allow them to pull me into it, but to know that they are not whole, either.</p><p>I had to give them to God, it is too much for me, or them it seems, to handle. But I still have hope.</p><p></p><p>In the meantime, I need to pull myself together and figure this thing out. </p><p>So, if they do contact me, I am able to step away from the patterned responses. </p><p>Be stronger. Kinder. But not a rug......</p><p> It doesn't mean<em> I can rescue them,</em></p><p>I can only rescue myself. </p><p></p><p>I am thinking much on this. It is a lot. A mountain. It is distressing, at times, climbing the hills, precipices, and the narrow trails of emotion. </p><p>I am trying to learn different ways to work through.</p><p></p><p>Here is a calming piece I found. </p><p>Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis. </p><p>Lamb of God, you who took away the sins of the world, have mercy on us. </p><p></p><p>Isn't it hauntingly beautiful? </p><p></p><p><em>Mercy and compassion are sisters.</em></p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]wQdm4oTb1-c[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>The work all of you have done,in FOO, is quite amazing. </p><p></p><p>I truly appreciate your helping me. </p><p></p><p>Thank you very much.</p><p> </p><p>I have an early day tomorrow, with Sons paddling. So I must sleep. </p><p></p><p>Before I go to bed, I must tell you, I have been thinking about the quote from Special Olympics.....</p><p></p><p>"Let me win, but if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt."</p><p></p><p>I like that very much. I am going to think of being brave.</p><p></p><p>That would be a nice thread- being brave, what does that mean for us?</p><p></p><p>Good night all, or should I say, Good Morning.......Have a wonderful Saturday.</p><p></p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 676743, member: 19522"] Thank you Cedar. I have read through the FOO chronicles. You have all done a lot of work, and come very far. I am following behind. I am tardy to the class, so to speak. I am thankful for your kindness and patience. This is true, we are meant to be healthy and whole, in every way. Not being sure how to do it I think has to do with a lot of these feelings and memories coming back full force [I]concurrently[/I] with the emotional turmoil of dealing with my two girls. More so, with detachment. There is this void. Then the stages of grief, and guilt, self examination. It is a rawness, that connects with the feelings from the past. It becomes a huge rabbit hole fallen into. Dream, or real? [IMG]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/01/e3/37/01e337183dce1c5284e6fde4e9847720.jpg[/IMG] "Compassion is reason with a human face, sympathetic rationality, [I]suffering yearning for its own expiration[/I]." [URL]http://www.erudit.org/revue/LTP/1998/v54/n1/401135ar.pdf[/URL] Here is a good article on perfectionism. Dad was a perfectionist. It is not good. Nobody is perfect. Perfection prevents our vulnerability, which stops us dead in our tracks. We are afraid to make a mistake. [URL]http://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/Perfectionism.pdf[/URL] This is true Cedar. [I]Our children are in danger and in trouble.[/I] It is up to them to want to change their situation. It is up to me, to understand better ways to respond to their suffering. Not to allow them to pull me into it, but to know that they are not whole, either. I had to give them to God, it is too much for me, or them it seems, to handle. But I still have hope. In the meantime, I need to pull myself together and figure this thing out. So, if they do contact me, I am able to step away from the patterned responses. Be stronger. Kinder. But not a rug...... It doesn't mean[I] I can rescue them,[/I] I can only rescue myself. I am thinking much on this. It is a lot. A mountain. It is distressing, at times, climbing the hills, precipices, and the narrow trails of emotion. I am trying to learn different ways to work through. Here is a calming piece I found. Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis. Lamb of God, you who took away the sins of the world, have mercy on us. Isn't it hauntingly beautiful? [I]Mercy and compassion are sisters.[/I] [MEDIA=youtube]wQdm4oTb1-c[/MEDIA] The work all of you have done,in FOO, is quite amazing. I truly appreciate your helping me. Thank you very much. I have an early day tomorrow, with Sons paddling. So I must sleep. Before I go to bed, I must tell you, I have been thinking about the quote from Special Olympics..... "Let me win, but if I cannot win, let me be brave in the attempt." I like that very much. I am going to think of being brave. That would be a nice thread- being brave, what does that mean for us? Good night all, or should I say, Good Morning.......Have a wonderful Saturday. leafy [/QUOTE]
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