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Family of Origin
The win and the loss
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 677030" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Oh, Leafie. This part is so true.</p><p>In my case, I believed it was all my fault as a child. I MADE my mother act like Joan Crawford. I CAUSED every ill in my home because I was differently wired and had a tantrum if I was disrespected or yelled at. It was my fault for being so "bad" that I ruined my family, even though it started it infancy and my mother did nothing about it, although she insisted on being the one tyrant who ruled the house.</p><p></p><p>Once I finally was shown who was truly at blame, the first time I realized it, I cried in therapy.</p><p></p><p>In my FOO you never criticized Mom, who was the main person screwing u her kids. We said, "Oh, that's just Mom." "You know how Mom is." "That's the way she is. No big deal." This is after she had a major tantrum a nd woke me up at 3am about something she was obviously still angry about that happened three weeks before...also waking Sis who shared my room. It couldn't wait until morning either. She had to wake us and yell THEN. "But it's just her way." This is but one example of her instability.</p><p></p><p>I think I am the only one who "gets it." All three of us are damaged, and not lightly, because of her parenting. Even Golden Child is damaged badly. But they love her too much to blame her so they blame me.</p><p></p><p>All dysfunctional families have a code of honor that you don't tell about your sick family. </p><p>Somehow I just didn't want to have to explain. I did tell my therapists. That was my relief.</p><p></p><p>Leafie, you are so right in this comment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 677030, member: 1550"] Oh, Leafie. This part is so true. In my case, I believed it was all my fault as a child. I MADE my mother act like Joan Crawford. I CAUSED every ill in my home because I was differently wired and had a tantrum if I was disrespected or yelled at. It was my fault for being so "bad" that I ruined my family, even though it started it infancy and my mother did nothing about it, although she insisted on being the one tyrant who ruled the house. Once I finally was shown who was truly at blame, the first time I realized it, I cried in therapy. In my FOO you never criticized Mom, who was the main person screwing u her kids. We said, "Oh, that's just Mom." "You know how Mom is." "That's the way she is. No big deal." This is after she had a major tantrum a nd woke me up at 3am about something she was obviously still angry about that happened three weeks before...also waking Sis who shared my room. It couldn't wait until morning either. She had to wake us and yell THEN. "But it's just her way." This is but one example of her instability. I think I am the only one who "gets it." All three of us are damaged, and not lightly, because of her parenting. Even Golden Child is damaged badly. But they love her too much to blame her so they blame me. All dysfunctional families have a code of honor that you don't tell about your sick family. Somehow I just didn't want to have to explain. I did tell my therapists. That was my relief. Leafie, you are so right in this comment. [/QUOTE]
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The win and the loss
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