Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
The win and the loss
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 677033" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Thank you Cedar, I am at work, so cannot respond at length. You are right, about circling on my sensitivity.</p><p>I wanted to let you know I am reading a book on being highly sensitive which was first researched in the 90's, by Elaine Aaron, Ph.D. , the author. It is helping me to understand this personality trait, it also has accounts from others who were treated much the same as I was in their FOO, because it was looked at as a <em><strong>problem.</strong></em></p><p></p><p>My writing of it, </p><p>now, </p><p>I do not see it that way, </p><p>it is <em>part of who I am.</em></p><p> <em>I am </em><strong>sensitive</strong><em>.</em></p><p><strong>Roar!!!</strong></p><p></p><p>But, unfortunately, that trait was looked at in my childhood as a <em><strong>fault</strong></em>, not an attribute. It was something to be <em>tormented out of me</em>. I was bullied by my own, and it was allowed. It was my <em>training. </em>Then I was chided into smiling. </p><p>I felt tortured, misunderstood and unshielded, naked. As I was scolded for reacting to bullying, my siblings would giggle and make fun of me, in triumph. </p><p>My parents would tell me.......</p><p> "Just smile, I know you can smile."</p><p>How sadistic is that?</p><p>So, I would force a red eyed tearing, lower lip trembling smile, to suit them, even though I felt like bloody hell, then my sibs would give me the gas all over again. </p><p></p><p>It was twisted.</p><p></p><p><em>F'ing FOO boot camp.</em></p><p></p><p>I am learning to realize the ugly truth of how I was treated, as well as that this intrinsic part of my <em><strong>personality</strong></em> is what allows me to see the world differently, to draw, paint, sculpt, it is the heart of my creativity.</p><p></p><p>When I write of my sensitivity now, I am acknowledging and accepting it. </p><p></p><p>Something I was misjudged and mistreated for, my entire life.</p><p></p><p>I am <em>blessed with it, truly.</em></p><p></p><p>And yes, it has also been my prison. Rather than being celebrated and encouraged by my own FOO, for who I was- <em>all of me,</em> I was shamed into thinking there was something wrong with how I felt. </p><p></p><p>So what, if I cried at beautiful music, saw butterflies and called them fairy insects, made up my own songs and sang them loudly, talked to myself, wrote imaginative stories. </p><p></p><p>I was the butt of many cruelties, and when I tried to defend myself, it only got worse. Any attempt to help myself, was laughed at. I supposedly over <em>exaggerated</em> everything, it was hell. </p><p></p><p>There was no one to turn to.</p><p></p><p> I am surprised, as I look back, that I survived it.</p><p> I very nearly didn't.</p><p></p><p>It becomes even more of a bewildering quandary, when comments are made by my FOO, about my artwork, writing, sculpting. " Such a waste, you are so talented, why have you not done anything with your gift?" </p><p></p><p>They may think they are complimenting and encouraging me, but it is like salt in the wound.</p><p></p><p>Wait, can I put my mom in the motorcycle pouch please?</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/mcsmiley1.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":mcsmiley1:" title="mcsmiley1 :mcsmiley1:" data-shortname=":mcsmiley1:" /></p><p></p><p>Okay there she goes.....</p><p></p><p>I can hit anger at this one because realistically, </p><p>my reply could be</p><p>"Because you ignorant, f****** tried to annihilate the very root of my creativity from my soul."</p><p></p><p>Ahem.</p><p></p><p>It is the ugly truth.</p><p></p><p>Dammit.</p><p>@$$#o13$...</p><p>....<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/919Mad.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":919Mad:" title="Mad :919Mad:" data-shortname=":919Mad:" /></p><p>WTF</p><p>"Don't be yourself."</p><p>"Be yourself."</p><p>It cannot be both ways........</p><p></p><p>To my FOO</p><p>Not ps I love you</p><p>It's</p><p>F you, I Iove you.</p><p>@$$#013$</p><p>Sorry</p><p>Touched a nerve</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/916blusher.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":916blusher:" title="blushing :916blusher:" data-shortname=":916blusher:" /></p><p>Thanks Cedar</p><p>Back to work</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 677033, member: 19522"] Thank you Cedar, I am at work, so cannot respond at length. You are right, about circling on my sensitivity. I wanted to let you know I am reading a book on being highly sensitive which was first researched in the 90's, by Elaine Aaron, Ph.D. , the author. It is helping me to understand this personality trait, it also has accounts from others who were treated much the same as I was in their FOO, because it was looked at as a [I][B]problem.[/B][/I] My writing of it, now, I do not see it that way, it is [I]part of who I am. I am [/I][B]sensitive[/B][I].[/I] [B]Roar!!![/B] But, unfortunately, that trait was looked at in my childhood as a [I][B]fault[/B][/I], not an attribute. It was something to be [I]tormented out of me[/I]. I was bullied by my own, and it was allowed. It was my [I]training. [/I]Then I was chided into smiling. I felt tortured, misunderstood and unshielded, naked. As I was scolded for reacting to bullying, my siblings would giggle and make fun of me, in triumph. My parents would tell me....... "Just smile, I know you can smile." How sadistic is that? So, I would force a red eyed tearing, lower lip trembling smile, to suit them, even though I felt like bloody hell, then my sibs would give me the gas all over again. It was twisted. [I]F'ing FOO boot camp.[/I] I am learning to realize the ugly truth of how I was treated, as well as that this intrinsic part of my [I][B]personality[/B][/I] is what allows me to see the world differently, to draw, paint, sculpt, it is the heart of my creativity. When I write of my sensitivity now, I am acknowledging and accepting it. Something I was misjudged and mistreated for, my entire life. I am [I]blessed with it, truly.[/I] And yes, it has also been my prison. Rather than being celebrated and encouraged by my own FOO, for who I was- [I]all of me,[/I] I was shamed into thinking there was something wrong with how I felt. So what, if I cried at beautiful music, saw butterflies and called them fairy insects, made up my own songs and sang them loudly, talked to myself, wrote imaginative stories. I was the butt of many cruelties, and when I tried to defend myself, it only got worse. Any attempt to help myself, was laughed at. I supposedly over [I]exaggerated[/I] everything, it was hell. There was no one to turn to. I am surprised, as I look back, that I survived it. I very nearly didn't. It becomes even more of a bewildering quandary, when comments are made by my FOO, about my artwork, writing, sculpting. " Such a waste, you are so talented, why have you not done anything with your gift?" They may think they are complimenting and encouraging me, but it is like salt in the wound. Wait, can I put my mom in the motorcycle pouch please? :mcsmiley1: Okay there she goes..... I can hit anger at this one because realistically, my reply could be "Because you ignorant, f****** tried to annihilate the very root of my creativity from my soul." Ahem. It is the ugly truth. Dammit. @$$#o13$... ....:censored2: :919Mad: WTF "Don't be yourself." "Be yourself." It cannot be both ways........ To my FOO Not ps I love you It's F you, I Iove you. @$$#013$ Sorry Touched a nerve :916blusher: Thanks Cedar Back to work leafy [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
The win and the loss
Top