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The yet to be known route in the sea which is my life.
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 743672" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>One of the things that struck me in all of this.... and in my own situation is our sons in their own ways feel helpless and so in their manipulations of us want us to also feel helpless... they want us to feel helpless that we cant do anything else but help them the way they want us to help them. In your case to let him come home with no responsibility on his part. In my case yesterday to buy into his scheme and convince the program to give him a ride to the interview to a job that they (and we) do not consider appropriate for his recovery. In fact your son is not completely helpless.... he has choices, he could actually take some responsibility, he could take some charge for his health issues. My son if he is is so passionate about this job could have found a way on his own to get to that job interview (he could have walked the 2 miles for heavens sake).</p><p></p><p>So what I am coming to in this round about way.... is they want to manipulate us into feeling helpless into helping them. But that would in many ways be totally counterproductive on so many levels. What we need to model for them is that in fact we are not helpless. We are not helpless and neither are they!! So I think standing our ground and standing up for ourselves is what we need to model for them.... even if it doesn’t always feel good at the time.</p><p></p><p>Anyway Copa I wanted to share that with you...... as it is something I need to remember in these times.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 743672, member: 15801"] One of the things that struck me in all of this.... and in my own situation is our sons in their own ways feel helpless and so in their manipulations of us want us to also feel helpless... they want us to feel helpless that we cant do anything else but help them the way they want us to help them. In your case to let him come home with no responsibility on his part. In my case yesterday to buy into his scheme and convince the program to give him a ride to the interview to a job that they (and we) do not consider appropriate for his recovery. In fact your son is not completely helpless.... he has choices, he could actually take some responsibility, he could take some charge for his health issues. My son if he is is so passionate about this job could have found a way on his own to get to that job interview (he could have walked the 2 miles for heavens sake). So what I am coming to in this round about way.... is they want to manipulate us into feeling helpless into helping them. But that would in many ways be totally counterproductive on so many levels. What we need to model for them is that in fact we are not helpless. We are not helpless and neither are they!! So I think standing our ground and standing up for ourselves is what we need to model for them.... even if it doesn’t always feel good at the time. Anyway Copa I wanted to share that with you...... as it is something I need to remember in these times. TL [/QUOTE]
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