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Theft & difficult child's
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<blockquote data-quote="erbaledge" data-source="post: 362601" data-attributes="member: 4334"><p>Talked with gfg15 and the resident supervisor yesterday, in person, about all the stealing/manipulating and some fits that she's been having there. (one fit was over 2 hours long, just over not making her bed) I reitterated the deal with the hair dye. (no stealing at all, get community service all done (20 hrs), and when she can come on next home visit we'd do her hair)</p><p></p><p>Well, gfg15 will not be earning hair dye. <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> She stole yet again YESTERDAY! Not long after our talk. This time it was a shirt that was donated to the unit in a pile of donations on the unit, and she was caught wearing it today. They had her call me and tell me what she did to take ownership. However, at first she wouldn't, I could hear them in the background reminding her what she did, but she had a hard time doing it (telling me her actions). And then, when she did tell me, there was excuses/lies and more manipulation as to why it occurred. </p><p></p><p>Well, this mom was ANGRY. I started talking in a loud and angry tone, gfg15 said I was yelling (personally I don't think I was truly yelling, but after re-hashing it this evening I can see how it was taken as yelling). And after the call, I had called back to talk with staff about what I can do - they say I need to listen to her more. Because when she started in using her lies/excuses I DID cut her off, and told her to stop it, that I wanted the truth. But staff there are saying I should just completely hear her out, not yell, and tell her then the truths I know and believe and then dole out consequences (if it were my opportunity to do).</p><p></p><p>So I guess, I did learn I need to try to listen more, even though I know she may be lying to me, I need to hear her out, so she can say her peace - I guess. I don't know, it doesn't make complete sense to me. Why do I want to allow her to keep feeding me lies/excuses when I know the real truth and reality of what occured/how/why. I feel me listening to her is not a good thing, because then maybe she'll start thinking 'hmmmm, mom does believe, the lies are working'. But staff said that won't happen, because once I've heard all that she wants to say, then I address the reality.</p><p></p><p>I don't know. It's something I said I'd work on, if it will help my daughter. </p><p></p><p>Does anyone else do that? Like, listen completely to their whole lies, without interrupting them? How has that went for you and your difficult child?</p><p></p><p>(yes, I'm still waiting to talk with psychiatrist about Lexapro)</p><p></p><p>Edited to add: they did tack on another 20 hours of community service for this t-shirt she stole. So now she owe's a total of 40 hours. She definitely won't be able to come home until at least the first 20 hours are done, when those are done, I'm under the understanding that home visits will then be discussed.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="erbaledge, post: 362601, member: 4334"] Talked with gfg15 and the resident supervisor yesterday, in person, about all the stealing/manipulating and some fits that she's been having there. (one fit was over 2 hours long, just over not making her bed) I reitterated the deal with the hair dye. (no stealing at all, get community service all done (20 hrs), and when she can come on next home visit we'd do her hair) Well, gfg15 will not be earning hair dye. :( She stole yet again YESTERDAY! Not long after our talk. This time it was a shirt that was donated to the unit in a pile of donations on the unit, and she was caught wearing it today. They had her call me and tell me what she did to take ownership. However, at first she wouldn't, I could hear them in the background reminding her what she did, but she had a hard time doing it (telling me her actions). And then, when she did tell me, there was excuses/lies and more manipulation as to why it occurred. Well, this mom was ANGRY. I started talking in a loud and angry tone, gfg15 said I was yelling (personally I don't think I was truly yelling, but after re-hashing it this evening I can see how it was taken as yelling). And after the call, I had called back to talk with staff about what I can do - they say I need to listen to her more. Because when she started in using her lies/excuses I DID cut her off, and told her to stop it, that I wanted the truth. But staff there are saying I should just completely hear her out, not yell, and tell her then the truths I know and believe and then dole out consequences (if it were my opportunity to do). So I guess, I did learn I need to try to listen more, even though I know she may be lying to me, I need to hear her out, so she can say her peace - I guess. I don't know, it doesn't make complete sense to me. Why do I want to allow her to keep feeding me lies/excuses when I know the real truth and reality of what occured/how/why. I feel me listening to her is not a good thing, because then maybe she'll start thinking 'hmmmm, mom does believe, the lies are working'. But staff said that won't happen, because once I've heard all that she wants to say, then I address the reality. I don't know. It's something I said I'd work on, if it will help my daughter. Does anyone else do that? Like, listen completely to their whole lies, without interrupting them? How has that went for you and your difficult child? (yes, I'm still waiting to talk with psychiatrist about Lexapro) Edited to add: they did tack on another 20 hours of community service for this t-shirt she stole. So now she owe's a total of 40 hours. She definitely won't be able to come home until at least the first 20 hours are done, when those are done, I'm under the understanding that home visits will then be discussed. [/QUOTE]
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