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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 753138" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>I just woke up so I am groggy and only read the initial post. But boy can I FEEL it. </p><p></p><p>For over a decade I looked happy and was friendly and worked at our business and went out to social events and tried to enjoy two thriving kids. My husband did too.</p><p></p><p>We were dying inside. . I obsessed and worried about only my troubled daughter and if she was having a good or bad day. I took bathroom breaks for crying. Holidays were sad even if she came because she fought and my heart pain for her just throbbed. I worried about drugs, domestic abuse, her child whom she didn't care for properly. My world was Kay.</p><p></p><p>Our marriage almost ended as my husband handed his pain in a different way. We grew apart. I questioned God. Yes, I did. I was angry at God.</p><p></p><p>I took six months of an SSRI. The doctor wanted me to go for therapy. I told myself that now I was officially crazy, but I went, not expecting relief. </p><p></p><p>But my sweet kind therapist who understood addiction reached into my thick skull and eventually I realized that Kay is an addict. She had quit hard drugs, so she said, but used pot so much it was ruining her brain. She has not had one sober day in twenty years. Yes, chronic daily pot brain is addiction. I blamed myself and the fact that she was adopted (her excuse) and tentatively joined Al Anon.</p><p></p><p>I did not think I belonged there. Although I couldnt be sure, I thought she smokes pot only and that pot chronically used was not bad enough to sit with other people in Al Anon.</p><p></p><p>But the others told me.I belonged there and a few others had just alcohol and pot users like my Kay. And it had ruined their lives too.</p><p></p><p>But Al Anon is not about how we can fix our addict. It is about how to fix us and our codependency.</p><p></p><p>Kay got worse. We stopped rescuing her and we had been Masters at that. She grew angrier at us but we had to go this route. The other route was killing us. </p><p></p><p>Today she is squatting after an eviction and her sister is about to try for custody of my grandson. Very bad for her, sadly, but as a family we are stronger, saner and more peaceful. We can not fix her but we can fix us.</p><p></p><p>Go for as much help as you need to function. You help nobody by wearing your child's pain and refusal to heal. </p><p></p><p>Things are so much more tolerable now for all of us and we will gladly help Kay if she asks. She knows this too. </p><p></p><p>I believe strongly in God so, per my personal beliefs, I hope she hears Him. In my belief system, I gave her to God. </p><p></p><p>I pray for her day and night, but my life is good again, although we never forget Kay.</p><p></p><p>Blessings to all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 753138, member: 23706"] I just woke up so I am groggy and only read the initial post. But boy can I FEEL it. For over a decade I looked happy and was friendly and worked at our business and went out to social events and tried to enjoy two thriving kids. My husband did too. We were dying inside. . I obsessed and worried about only my troubled daughter and if she was having a good or bad day. I took bathroom breaks for crying. Holidays were sad even if she came because she fought and my heart pain for her just throbbed. I worried about drugs, domestic abuse, her child whom she didn't care for properly. My world was Kay. Our marriage almost ended as my husband handed his pain in a different way. We grew apart. I questioned God. Yes, I did. I was angry at God. I took six months of an SSRI. The doctor wanted me to go for therapy. I told myself that now I was officially crazy, but I went, not expecting relief. But my sweet kind therapist who understood addiction reached into my thick skull and eventually I realized that Kay is an addict. She had quit hard drugs, so she said, but used pot so much it was ruining her brain. She has not had one sober day in twenty years. Yes, chronic daily pot brain is addiction. I blamed myself and the fact that she was adopted (her excuse) and tentatively joined Al Anon. I did not think I belonged there. Although I couldnt be sure, I thought she smokes pot only and that pot chronically used was not bad enough to sit with other people in Al Anon. But the others told me.I belonged there and a few others had just alcohol and pot users like my Kay. And it had ruined their lives too. But Al Anon is not about how we can fix our addict. It is about how to fix us and our codependency. Kay got worse. We stopped rescuing her and we had been Masters at that. She grew angrier at us but we had to go this route. The other route was killing us. Today she is squatting after an eviction and her sister is about to try for custody of my grandson. Very bad for her, sadly, but as a family we are stronger, saner and more peaceful. We can not fix her but we can fix us. Go for as much help as you need to function. You help nobody by wearing your child's pain and refusal to heal. Things are so much more tolerable now for all of us and we will gladly help Kay if she asks. She knows this too. I believe strongly in God so, per my personal beliefs, I hope she hears Him. In my belief system, I gave her to God. I pray for her day and night, but my life is good again, although we never forget Kay. Blessings to all. [/QUOTE]
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