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Things are going from bad to worse!!!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 658521" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>So Tired, what are your options regarding this daughter and her children?</p><p></p><p>When I am in a welter of emotion, if I can list options, I can see with clarity.</p><p>What are your options where this grandson is concerned? List them. What would happen if you took one or all your people in. What would happen if you took only the three year old and the grandson.</p><p></p><p>What would happen if you take none of them.</p><p></p><p>Could it be true that your daughter will mother her children better once she knows beyond doubt that you are not there to take care of she and her children?</p><p></p><p>Give her a chance to stand up and do that. You don't need to make excuses. Don't offer, and if she asks, say "No." You can do it. No explanation is best. That is how we get tricked into doing things we never can remember agreeing to.</p><p></p><p>I think it might help you to be more centered if you had something like a set point. A place where you tell yourself: If so and so happens, I am calling Child Welfare. If such and so happens, I am not bringing the three year old back home. Those kinds of things, so you know what you will do is something bad happens and you can stop worrying and worrying about it. If the grandson sleeps at the bus station, call Social Services. Tell him he needs to keep his eye on his future; he needs to get a job, make a plan. Sleeping at the bus station is not a plan.</p><p></p><p>It is very hard to stay focused when our children's lives are in chaos, but when we can see through the FOG of it, there are things that the people who are making the bad choices could do that could make the situation better. If you know what those things are, if you have made set points around each chaotic potential thing that might happen, then you will have that knowledge too running through your mind when everyone tries to get you to take on their responsibilities. This helped me: If you take on their responsibilities, they will never, ever, learn to depend on themselves. They will always be people whose story is that if only I can make this bad enough, someone will help me.</p><p></p><p>They need to be people who trust themselves.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry this is happening. It must have been awful to hear the baby cry and still bring him home.</p><p></p><p>I would be upset too, SoTired.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 658521, member: 17461"] So Tired, what are your options regarding this daughter and her children? When I am in a welter of emotion, if I can list options, I can see with clarity. What are your options where this grandson is concerned? List them. What would happen if you took one or all your people in. What would happen if you took only the three year old and the grandson. What would happen if you take none of them. Could it be true that your daughter will mother her children better once she knows beyond doubt that you are not there to take care of she and her children? Give her a chance to stand up and do that. You don't need to make excuses. Don't offer, and if she asks, say "No." You can do it. No explanation is best. That is how we get tricked into doing things we never can remember agreeing to. I think it might help you to be more centered if you had something like a set point. A place where you tell yourself: If so and so happens, I am calling Child Welfare. If such and so happens, I am not bringing the three year old back home. Those kinds of things, so you know what you will do is something bad happens and you can stop worrying and worrying about it. If the grandson sleeps at the bus station, call Social Services. Tell him he needs to keep his eye on his future; he needs to get a job, make a plan. Sleeping at the bus station is not a plan. It is very hard to stay focused when our children's lives are in chaos, but when we can see through the FOG of it, there are things that the people who are making the bad choices could do that could make the situation better. If you know what those things are, if you have made set points around each chaotic potential thing that might happen, then you will have that knowledge too running through your mind when everyone tries to get you to take on their responsibilities. This helped me: If you take on their responsibilities, they will never, ever, learn to depend on themselves. They will always be people whose story is that if only I can make this bad enough, someone will help me. They need to be people who trust themselves. I am sorry this is happening. It must have been awful to hear the baby cry and still bring him home. I would be upset too, SoTired. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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