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<blockquote data-quote="TeDo" data-source="post: 581613" data-attributes="member: 15799"><p>As far as I'm concerned, the school was WAY out of line by punishing him for something that was voluntary, from what you said. You filled out the forms but didn't let the school know that he won't be doing it. You also asked if he wanted to without expalining it to him in the first place. Those are simple things that you can change in yourself.</p><p></p><p>Your post reminds me so much of difficult child 1 at that age, when we had an incorrect diagnosis. The problem was that he didn't do things (school saw it as defiance) because the activities didn't make any sense to him. Why do something if you have no idea WHY you should. What's the point? Those are questions difficult child 1 asked me all the time when I asked him about his refusals. When he reached a certain "level" of work at school, he wouldn't do any of it at school. He brought EVERYTHING home (school saw it as defiance). The problem was that he didn't understand the work as they explained it, or didn't explain it. I would explain to him what he was supposed to do and he'd do it quickly. Another issue difficult child 1 had was with work that seemed "too big" or "too much" for him. He'd take one look at it and freak out because it seemed like so much work and then just not do it. It had to be broken down for him and given to him a little at a time.</p><p></p><p>As for the IEP, you can definitely add that he not be forced to participate in certain activities and definitely not punished for non-participation. I think you need to figure out WHY he doesn't want to do certain things during school. WHY is he refusing. Taking away privileges only made difficult child 1's anxiety go even higher because he had "reasons" for not wanting to that he couldn't verbalize (lacked the skill of putting thoughts into proper words) and then he got punished on top of it. He gave up even trying anymore. What really helped me figure out the why's, I read the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It gave me ideas on how to get to the root of the problems and it really WORKED. It made a HUGE difference and I learned how very differently (and somtimes faulty) difficult child 1 thought. You might want to give it a shot.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TeDo, post: 581613, member: 15799"] As far as I'm concerned, the school was WAY out of line by punishing him for something that was voluntary, from what you said. You filled out the forms but didn't let the school know that he won't be doing it. You also asked if he wanted to without expalining it to him in the first place. Those are simple things that you can change in yourself. Your post reminds me so much of difficult child 1 at that age, when we had an incorrect diagnosis. The problem was that he didn't do things (school saw it as defiance) because the activities didn't make any sense to him. Why do something if you have no idea WHY you should. What's the point? Those are questions difficult child 1 asked me all the time when I asked him about his refusals. When he reached a certain "level" of work at school, he wouldn't do any of it at school. He brought EVERYTHING home (school saw it as defiance). The problem was that he didn't understand the work as they explained it, or didn't explain it. I would explain to him what he was supposed to do and he'd do it quickly. Another issue difficult child 1 had was with work that seemed "too big" or "too much" for him. He'd take one look at it and freak out because it seemed like so much work and then just not do it. It had to be broken down for him and given to him a little at a time. As for the IEP, you can definitely add that he not be forced to participate in certain activities and definitely not punished for non-participation. I think you need to figure out WHY he doesn't want to do certain things during school. WHY is he refusing. Taking away privileges only made difficult child 1's anxiety go even higher because he had "reasons" for not wanting to that he couldn't verbalize (lacked the skill of putting thoughts into proper words) and then he got punished on top of it. He gave up even trying anymore. What really helped me figure out the why's, I read the book The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. It gave me ideas on how to get to the root of the problems and it really WORKED. It made a HUGE difference and I learned how very differently (and somtimes faulty) difficult child 1 thought. You might want to give it a shot. [/QUOTE]
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