Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
this is a big question?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Dixies_fire" data-source="post: 598151" data-attributes="member: 16184"><p>Liahona- he had the surgery a little less then a month ago and it has not produced much of a change besides him not being in so much pain and not being so very very very easy to agitate. His blood pressure is still high and no one cares.</p><p>I have talked to him before about needing to get away from him during big fights, intellectually he agrees it is not a bad idea, emotionally it is a different story.</p><p></p><p>There isn't really an account he has no access to. I have 3 accounts his mine and ours, ours has a savings account an empty one. But while he was drinking he would terrorize me till I gave him the debit card to my account, and though he isn't drinking now and in general much easier to live with I don't want to go through anything similar ever again.</p><p></p><p>His immediate wants out weigh the needs of the family. I can sort of understand splurging a little on pay day or when we have money, but there are a lot of things I need right now that I am refraining from buying anything. When I first moved here he was used to s both having a decent income we always had money for frivolous things, even while I was on unemployment we had cash. I didn't ever get a chance to buy the things I needed because he was either at work or drunk until February when he had the break down I could not leave any of the 3 kids with him for me to get the things I needed and if there was a surplus he made sure he drank it away. I have been off unemployment for several months, I could apply for the extension but its pointless to me because I can not work here right now. I could apply for several jobs that are over 50,000 range based off of my experience in the military, but I don't have money to stick mr Lewis in day care this would be a career that would be very hard to leave because its a lot of money. I don't want to stay here when he gets out of the military we don't know how long he's going to stay in. I want to go "home" wherever home is be near people who know me and care about me who can offer some support. I realize I can not depend on hubs there may always be times when I don't want to leave him with the children. I obviously need to go back to work I can not stand a man having dominion over me, I thought I could handle it but I can not. </p><p>We have talked about getting divorced before, he feels no obligation to help me leave him or take all of the things I brought with me to the marriage which is most everything. All of these things I earned before we were married, I am very touchy about this stuff because my ex walked out and left me sleeping on a floor at one point and all the things I have and everything I've done was being built up from that point.</p><p></p><p>If I left he would surely want to see mr. Lewis but I can almost guarantee it wouldn't happen if I left here I'd e going to Oklahoma a state he has no ties to, I doubt he would move there just to be near his son. He would probably move back to Ohio if he didn't kill himself first. He has not threatened to kill himself but he is aware he has nothing and no one outside of this family, me, my kids, our son. He would not have a career there are no jobs in the city he is from it is a big drug town black hole, my step sons are there with his parents but he is really not prepared to parent two four year old that have no emotional connection to him at all, they have never been able to visit him out of state he has only been allowed to see them when he took leave and trekked home for a few days and even then had limited availability to them. We were seeking custody because they had finally FINALLY been taken away from the mother, we spent 2000 dollars driving all the way over there and all the way back, this was not a lavish trip by any means we did not blow money getting there or coming home we paid bills and barely covered gas and stayed with his parents and almost all came down with pneumonia there by because she wouldn't turn the heat on. But that is neither here nor there.</p><p></p><p>He came home fell apart. And everything has been touch and go for months since then.</p><p></p><p>Other behavior strategies hmmm... Well when he drank I spent all my time in our bedroom avoided him like The plague.</p><p></p><p>But the bad part about this is. Most of the time he's great he could be totally normal one second and I could say anything negative And it may or may not produce an out burst. And negative is a relative term. I didn't attack him when I asked him why he spent our last twenty dollars, but I did ask because it needed to be asked. I can ask him about the truck and what effort he has made getting it sold and he could be fine with that four or five times and then the last time blow up because he knows he really hasn't done anything to try To get the thing sold and is tired of being pushed.</p><p></p><p>Now I tried to sell that truck by myself but it has many specialty parts and things that justifies why we want to sell it for the 5000 we are asking. He really needs to handle it.</p><p></p><p>I've talked to his therapist and the inspector general an jag and even our congressman and dragged him to talk to these people and forced him to talk to people he didn't want to talk to. Me calling and reporting his medical condition to the hospital 4 times is the only reason he got surgery at all!</p><p></p><p>He recently like a week ago accepted the fact he was going to have to make an effort he sent off the 1500 letter, cleaned the truck took pictures wrote another ad for Craigslist and finally made a dentist appointment so he could get his crown that broke repaired (which is a 5000 procedure in the civilian world) he did miss the dentist appointment but said he would go this week to get it rescheduled, before he got removed from the house and probably hasn't done a **** thing.</p><p></p><p>It feels like a big waste that I went through the alcoholism and the worst parts of his temper to leave now when by comparison he is so much "better" sober and able to take care of himself to some extent and help with the house and parenting. But I'm just defeated. Totally defeated and hopeless and tired and no I don't really think they should of removed him for what he did. He wasn't hurting me. But I'm tired of this **** in my life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Dixies_fire, post: 598151, member: 16184"] Liahona- he had the surgery a little less then a month ago and it has not produced much of a change besides him not being in so much pain and not being so very very very easy to agitate. His blood pressure is still high and no one cares. I have talked to him before about needing to get away from him during big fights, intellectually he agrees it is not a bad idea, emotionally it is a different story. There isn't really an account he has no access to. I have 3 accounts his mine and ours, ours has a savings account an empty one. But while he was drinking he would terrorize me till I gave him the debit card to my account, and though he isn't drinking now and in general much easier to live with I don't want to go through anything similar ever again. His immediate wants out weigh the needs of the family. I can sort of understand splurging a little on pay day or when we have money, but there are a lot of things I need right now that I am refraining from buying anything. When I first moved here he was used to s both having a decent income we always had money for frivolous things, even while I was on unemployment we had cash. I didn't ever get a chance to buy the things I needed because he was either at work or drunk until February when he had the break down I could not leave any of the 3 kids with him for me to get the things I needed and if there was a surplus he made sure he drank it away. I have been off unemployment for several months, I could apply for the extension but its pointless to me because I can not work here right now. I could apply for several jobs that are over 50,000 range based off of my experience in the military, but I don't have money to stick mr Lewis in day care this would be a career that would be very hard to leave because its a lot of money. I don't want to stay here when he gets out of the military we don't know how long he's going to stay in. I want to go "home" wherever home is be near people who know me and care about me who can offer some support. I realize I can not depend on hubs there may always be times when I don't want to leave him with the children. I obviously need to go back to work I can not stand a man having dominion over me, I thought I could handle it but I can not. We have talked about getting divorced before, he feels no obligation to help me leave him or take all of the things I brought with me to the marriage which is most everything. All of these things I earned before we were married, I am very touchy about this stuff because my ex walked out and left me sleeping on a floor at one point and all the things I have and everything I've done was being built up from that point. If I left he would surely want to see mr. Lewis but I can almost guarantee it wouldn't happen if I left here I'd e going to Oklahoma a state he has no ties to, I doubt he would move there just to be near his son. He would probably move back to Ohio if he didn't kill himself first. He has not threatened to kill himself but he is aware he has nothing and no one outside of this family, me, my kids, our son. He would not have a career there are no jobs in the city he is from it is a big drug town black hole, my step sons are there with his parents but he is really not prepared to parent two four year old that have no emotional connection to him at all, they have never been able to visit him out of state he has only been allowed to see them when he took leave and trekked home for a few days and even then had limited availability to them. We were seeking custody because they had finally FINALLY been taken away from the mother, we spent 2000 dollars driving all the way over there and all the way back, this was not a lavish trip by any means we did not blow money getting there or coming home we paid bills and barely covered gas and stayed with his parents and almost all came down with pneumonia there by because she wouldn't turn the heat on. But that is neither here nor there. He came home fell apart. And everything has been touch and go for months since then. Other behavior strategies hmmm... Well when he drank I spent all my time in our bedroom avoided him like The plague. But the bad part about this is. Most of the time he's great he could be totally normal one second and I could say anything negative And it may or may not produce an out burst. And negative is a relative term. I didn't attack him when I asked him why he spent our last twenty dollars, but I did ask because it needed to be asked. I can ask him about the truck and what effort he has made getting it sold and he could be fine with that four or five times and then the last time blow up because he knows he really hasn't done anything to try To get the thing sold and is tired of being pushed. Now I tried to sell that truck by myself but it has many specialty parts and things that justifies why we want to sell it for the 5000 we are asking. He really needs to handle it. I've talked to his therapist and the inspector general an jag and even our congressman and dragged him to talk to these people and forced him to talk to people he didn't want to talk to. Me calling and reporting his medical condition to the hospital 4 times is the only reason he got surgery at all! He recently like a week ago accepted the fact he was going to have to make an effort he sent off the 1500 letter, cleaned the truck took pictures wrote another ad for Craigslist and finally made a dentist appointment so he could get his crown that broke repaired (which is a 5000 procedure in the civilian world) he did miss the dentist appointment but said he would go this week to get it rescheduled, before he got removed from the house and probably hasn't done a **** thing. It feels like a big waste that I went through the alcoholism and the worst parts of his temper to leave now when by comparison he is so much "better" sober and able to take care of himself to some extent and help with the house and parenting. But I'm just defeated. Totally defeated and hopeless and tired and no I don't really think they should of removed him for what he did. He wasn't hurting me. But I'm tired of this **** in my life. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
The Watercooler
this is a big question?
Top