As always, thanks for the comments and replies.
I guess I'm confused because it was like he was asking for permission, or warning me that he was going to "relapse"-he hasn't even really been sober-and then after about 40 minutes he says, "Well, ma, I have to be honest, I've pretty much decided I'm going to do it anyway. I don't want to let you and Dad down but I'm just not going to survive the next 3 years sober. I don't want to. I'm glad you are 1,000 miles away so you can't see what a disappointment I am to you".
The next day his theme was a little more cocky-probably because of the substances he had ingested. He said, "The die is cast". So it was a no going back attitude. Nothing else for me to do but accept it.
It doesn't help that his exgf's mother texted me several times today, saying she was worried about him , as he hadn't contacted her and that she had been in touch with him a lot over the last few days and that he wasn't doing well, mentally. She said "I'm just stressed about our kids".
I replied that she shouldn't do that with mine and that I cannot control him but only hope that he made safe choices. I don't want to tell her what I know. I don't get why she is so hell bent on adding to her stress by involving herself in MY son's life-isn't her daughter's shitstorm chaotic enough for her?
Or does she just have a bigger heart than I do? I don't even, on many levels, want to hear about my OWN kid! I mean I THINK I have largely got past the stage of wanting to torture myself with all his details and "truths". Couldn't take on another one at the same time!
