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This Memorial Day weekend marks..
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 432970" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>3S there can be so many many reasons a mother doesn't bond with her child, and many of them have little to do with the child at all. </p><p></p><p>My sis didn't bond with her youngest, the child she tried for 10 yrs to conceive (so was obviously wanted), due to a nasty bout of postpartum depression that lasted until after her daughter's first birthday. By then, the damage had been done. Sis wasn't mean to her or anything.........just well you could see it wasn't the same with this child as opposed to the other two. </p><p></p><p>My mom and I? Well there were several things going on. Her marriage was falling apart, her schizophrenia had her all over the place, her husband was cheating on her left and right, up she pops pregnant again when she can't feed the 4 she has......right after her husband walked out the door to be with his mistress. Who was also pregnant. Then a pregnancy where she was physically sick as well as suicidal........Me born 2 months early, told the survival rate was extremely low.....so plan a funeral, not a baby shower.........Me 6-8 wks in the hospital where she waited for the phone call to tell her I passed. Instead she got the call to bring me home, which she was totally NOT prepared for.</p><p></p><p>The bond never formed between us either. I think every time she looked at me all that above would flash back into mind. My grandma took over my care when she moved in when I was a baby.......when she moved out when I was 18 months old, I went with her.</p><p></p><p>I used to wonder the same things. Why wasn't I good enough? What was wrong with me? Until I was old enough to actually GET the stories of what I listed above.......and what that must have been like for her to live through. Then I just though how sad for the both of us.</p><p></p><p>But honestly? I'm the kid that lucked out. I had grandma and my aunt Janet who made up for my lacking in a mother........And because of it, I grew up totally different from my sibs. My kids, in my opinion, have also lucked out due to it, as I KNOW it made me a much better parent than I would've been otherwise. </p><p></p><p>Now in my mom's later years we've formed a relationship. Not a mother daughter thing really.......as honestly that bond is still not there for either of us. My "mother" passed away when I was 16. And there is not a single day of my life when I don't think of her. But my mom and I are friends now. We get along. We respect each other. We "get" each other.</p><p></p><p>So tormenting myself with such questions was futile. It had nothing really to do with me at all. Life happened. And when I look at my kids and I see them with their kids.........I think Life Happened for a reason. </p><p></p><p>Star is right. </p><p></p><p>((hugs))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 432970, member: 84"] 3S there can be so many many reasons a mother doesn't bond with her child, and many of them have little to do with the child at all. My sis didn't bond with her youngest, the child she tried for 10 yrs to conceive (so was obviously wanted), due to a nasty bout of postpartum depression that lasted until after her daughter's first birthday. By then, the damage had been done. Sis wasn't mean to her or anything.........just well you could see it wasn't the same with this child as opposed to the other two. My mom and I? Well there were several things going on. Her marriage was falling apart, her schizophrenia had her all over the place, her husband was cheating on her left and right, up she pops pregnant again when she can't feed the 4 she has......right after her husband walked out the door to be with his mistress. Who was also pregnant. Then a pregnancy where she was physically sick as well as suicidal........Me born 2 months early, told the survival rate was extremely low.....so plan a funeral, not a baby shower.........Me 6-8 wks in the hospital where she waited for the phone call to tell her I passed. Instead she got the call to bring me home, which she was totally NOT prepared for. The bond never formed between us either. I think every time she looked at me all that above would flash back into mind. My grandma took over my care when she moved in when I was a baby.......when she moved out when I was 18 months old, I went with her. I used to wonder the same things. Why wasn't I good enough? What was wrong with me? Until I was old enough to actually GET the stories of what I listed above.......and what that must have been like for her to live through. Then I just though how sad for the both of us. But honestly? I'm the kid that lucked out. I had grandma and my aunt Janet who made up for my lacking in a mother........And because of it, I grew up totally different from my sibs. My kids, in my opinion, have also lucked out due to it, as I KNOW it made me a much better parent than I would've been otherwise. Now in my mom's later years we've formed a relationship. Not a mother daughter thing really.......as honestly that bond is still not there for either of us. My "mother" passed away when I was 16. And there is not a single day of my life when I don't think of her. But my mom and I are friends now. We get along. We respect each other. We "get" each other. So tormenting myself with such questions was futile. It had nothing really to do with me at all. Life happened. And when I look at my kids and I see them with their kids.........I think Life Happened for a reason. Star is right. ((hugs)) [/QUOTE]
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