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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 249862" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>That is true, DDD. And I think it gets worse in the middle of the night when I'm awake worried about it. I have tried to tell myself that maybe I'm wrong about my bro, but then I'll remember something I saw him do and heard him say to difficult child and I can't ever accept that solution as tolerable, even temporarily.</p><p></p><p>I'm trying to deal with it all and find personal resolution. I <em>think</em> I am coming up with decent ideas part of the time and the rest of the time is being spent venting or too emotional. I'm writing a lot of it out (just to get it out- not to send anywhere) and that helps me sort out what is rational to take action on and what isn't.</p><p></p><p>Right before I went to bed this morning, I did find the clause in the law that still allows a judge to allow a parent of a child on a chins to do a parental placement with dss to place the child in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It is written as a separate option than removal of parental rights. This makes much more sense and I think this is where the confusion lies, based on the exact terms that the sw from dss referred to and saying she needed to talk to gal asap to get this clarified. IOW, in court the gal said one option is to allow me to pursue parental placement and asked that dss be put on stand-by. Well, the sw said those are two different things and she needs to find this out from gal which she really wants pursued. </p><p></p><p>That probably sounds like I'm still going in circles and maybe I am, but it was helpful to me because I at least have a little hope that gal did want Residential Treatment Center (RTC) pursued. The sw told me she would let me know as soon as she found out from gal on Monday, she hopes.</p><p></p><p>I wouldn't dare go into court and challenge what the judge (or even the gal) says they can or cannot do. But, I could ask an attny about it if I was that concerned, or I could keep some info "in my back pocket" for an appeal if I found for sure that there was some legal grounds to dispute a decision.</p><p></p><p>That being said, please feel free to post a "you are going in circles again" comment whenever you see me getting too hung up on something that isnt feasible to explore!!</p><p></p><p>The one thing that will never add up to me and Yes, I am stuck on it, is why, if you thought a kid needed to be placed somewhere because that level of care was necessary but you found out you couldn't get it, why would the next option considered be to place the child in a different home with someone who has NO experience raising a child or with mental issues? If you believed that the child really just needed to be removed from home because is is the parent causing the problem, why would you look into a placement with higher level of care for the child to begin with? Now, that might be reason to request a psychiatric evaluation in order to determine if it's the parent, and that might make sense from the CA because she is new to this. But, it doesn't make sense from the others because they already know the background and furthermore, they had a written letter from psychiatrist stating that he recommended Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for difficult child. I just think that the question of whether or not I was the cause was answered a long time ago and don't understand why it comes up each time difficult child is unstable.</p><p></p><p>This might have crossed sw's mind too because she said if Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can't be gotten, then detention would be the next feasible consideration because difficult child would be in secure environment with more psychiatric care. My first reaction of course (menatlly- not spoken) was that they couldn't even keep difficult child's medications straight for 2 weeks. But, along the lines of meeting his needs, I can see where this would add up more than sending him to my bro. </p><p></p><p>I am glad I spoke with sw yesterday and feel more comfortable that she will clarify some things with gal before calling my family. If it doesn't add up to sw, <em>she</em> can question it with the gal without it causing a problem.</p><p></p><p>Another thing I'm having a problem with, besides getting stuck on things at times, is feeling so exhausted by being in the system for so long that I'm to a point where something has to give. So, I'm finding myself thinking that I could go along with "ABC" as they want, <em><strong>IF</strong></em> they were willing to change or agree to "DEF". But that creates conflict between me and the people in the system, if I said that to them. They want to make more demands, I'm sitting there thinking how to relieve demands to make difficult child coming home more feasible. I don't know how to resolve this appropriately. I like the suggestion of discussing it with gal, but she won't return a call so I can't even ask. Plus, I don't think she will have a sit-down discussion over these things. I tried something like that a couple of years ago and she reminded me that she was there to look out for difficult child's best interest, not what I wanted, and hse was not my attny. </p><p></p><p>Does anyone have any ideas of an appropriate way to let these people know the big stressors for difficult child and me and that I'm willing to try to work something out if we can discuss ways to go about it that relieve stress instead of causing more? I'm very concerned about not getting this out to people before court. And of course, after court they will just say that "they didn't know- I should have told them".</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 249862, member: 3699"] That is true, DDD. And I think it gets worse in the middle of the night when I'm awake worried about it. I have tried to tell myself that maybe I'm wrong about my bro, but then I'll remember something I saw him do and heard him say to difficult child and I can't ever accept that solution as tolerable, even temporarily. I'm trying to deal with it all and find personal resolution. I [I]think[/I] I am coming up with decent ideas part of the time and the rest of the time is being spent venting or too emotional. I'm writing a lot of it out (just to get it out- not to send anywhere) and that helps me sort out what is rational to take action on and what isn't. Right before I went to bed this morning, I did find the clause in the law that still allows a judge to allow a parent of a child on a chins to do a parental placement with dss to place the child in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). It is written as a separate option than removal of parental rights. This makes much more sense and I think this is where the confusion lies, based on the exact terms that the sw from dss referred to and saying she needed to talk to gal asap to get this clarified. IOW, in court the gal said one option is to allow me to pursue parental placement and asked that dss be put on stand-by. Well, the sw said those are two different things and she needs to find this out from gal which she really wants pursued. That probably sounds like I'm still going in circles and maybe I am, but it was helpful to me because I at least have a little hope that gal did want Residential Treatment Center (RTC) pursued. The sw told me she would let me know as soon as she found out from gal on Monday, she hopes. I wouldn't dare go into court and challenge what the judge (or even the gal) says they can or cannot do. But, I could ask an attny about it if I was that concerned, or I could keep some info "in my back pocket" for an appeal if I found for sure that there was some legal grounds to dispute a decision. That being said, please feel free to post a "you are going in circles again" comment whenever you see me getting too hung up on something that isnt feasible to explore!! The one thing that will never add up to me and Yes, I am stuck on it, is why, if you thought a kid needed to be placed somewhere because that level of care was necessary but you found out you couldn't get it, why would the next option considered be to place the child in a different home with someone who has NO experience raising a child or with mental issues? If you believed that the child really just needed to be removed from home because is is the parent causing the problem, why would you look into a placement with higher level of care for the child to begin with? Now, that might be reason to request a psychiatric evaluation in order to determine if it's the parent, and that might make sense from the CA because she is new to this. But, it doesn't make sense from the others because they already know the background and furthermore, they had a written letter from psychiatrist stating that he recommended Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for difficult child. I just think that the question of whether or not I was the cause was answered a long time ago and don't understand why it comes up each time difficult child is unstable. This might have crossed sw's mind too because she said if Residential Treatment Center (RTC) can't be gotten, then detention would be the next feasible consideration because difficult child would be in secure environment with more psychiatric care. My first reaction of course (menatlly- not spoken) was that they couldn't even keep difficult child's medications straight for 2 weeks. But, along the lines of meeting his needs, I can see where this would add up more than sending him to my bro. I am glad I spoke with sw yesterday and feel more comfortable that she will clarify some things with gal before calling my family. If it doesn't add up to sw, [I]she[/I] can question it with the gal without it causing a problem. Another thing I'm having a problem with, besides getting stuck on things at times, is feeling so exhausted by being in the system for so long that I'm to a point where something has to give. So, I'm finding myself thinking that I could go along with "ABC" as they want, [I][B]IF[/B][/I] they were willing to change or agree to "DEF". But that creates conflict between me and the people in the system, if I said that to them. They want to make more demands, I'm sitting there thinking how to relieve demands to make difficult child coming home more feasible. I don't know how to resolve this appropriately. I like the suggestion of discussing it with gal, but she won't return a call so I can't even ask. Plus, I don't think she will have a sit-down discussion over these things. I tried something like that a couple of years ago and she reminded me that she was there to look out for difficult child's best interest, not what I wanted, and hse was not my attny. Does anyone have any ideas of an appropriate way to let these people know the big stressors for difficult child and me and that I'm willing to try to work something out if we can discuss ways to go about it that relieve stress instead of causing more? I'm very concerned about not getting this out to people before court. And of course, after court they will just say that "they didn't know- I should have told them". [/QUOTE]
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