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Substance Abuse
This sums up my feelings pretty well
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 748643" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>TL, I am not sure there is that much difference between you and me. You have strong boundaries and won't let your son live at home. Many parents are not able to do that.</p><p></p><p>I do worry when you seem to blame the death of loved ones on parents exercising tough love. Before my husband and I were able to set and stick to boundaries, my daughter was living in our home and overdosed on our couch from heroin. I have told the story many times but the EMT's said that if my husband had walked in the house two minutes later she would have died.</p><p></p><p>We thought we were being supportive parents. We required her to have a part-time job and attend IOP twice a week. We were paying out of pocket for a very expensive program. During all of this, she was shooting heroin into her arms and we didn't even know it. Sadly, by letting her live with us, she was able to avoid paying for rent and food and used the part-time income to buy drugs instead.</p><p></p><p>I guess my point is that our kids can die from drugs whether we are practicing tough love or letting them live in our homes. The drugs can kill in any circumstances. My therapist often pointed out that we couldn't change our daughter's behavior but we also didn't have to pay for it. I told her that I was scared to set firm boundaries and expect her to become a functioning adult because I was scared that she would die. The therapist's response was that we had to face that it might happen but there was nothing we could do to stop if as long as our daughter was using heroin and abusing benzos and alcohol.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 748643, member: 1967"] TL, I am not sure there is that much difference between you and me. You have strong boundaries and won't let your son live at home. Many parents are not able to do that. I do worry when you seem to blame the death of loved ones on parents exercising tough love. Before my husband and I were able to set and stick to boundaries, my daughter was living in our home and overdosed on our couch from heroin. I have told the story many times but the EMT's said that if my husband had walked in the house two minutes later she would have died. We thought we were being supportive parents. We required her to have a part-time job and attend IOP twice a week. We were paying out of pocket for a very expensive program. During all of this, she was shooting heroin into her arms and we didn't even know it. Sadly, by letting her live with us, she was able to avoid paying for rent and food and used the part-time income to buy drugs instead. I guess my point is that our kids can die from drugs whether we are practicing tough love or letting them live in our homes. The drugs can kill in any circumstances. My therapist often pointed out that we couldn't change our daughter's behavior but we also didn't have to pay for it. I told her that I was scared to set firm boundaries and expect her to become a functioning adult because I was scared that she would die. The therapist's response was that we had to face that it might happen but there was nothing we could do to stop if as long as our daughter was using heroin and abusing benzos and alcohol. [/QUOTE]
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This sums up my feelings pretty well
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