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Substance Abuse
This sums up my feelings pretty well
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 748644" data-attributes="member: 15801"><p>Kathy thanks for your comments. And oh my goodness I definitely dont mean to sound like I am blaming parents for their kids OD deaths. I definitely don’t. You are absolutely right an OD can happen anywhere including our own homes. In no way do I think parents are responsible when their kids OD. The hard fact about drug addiction is that it kills way too often and that is the reality we as parents have to live with, our kids may die no matter what we do.</p><p></p><p>I think what I am reacting to is the many people who are so ready to just tell you “you are enabling” when you try in some way to help your kid. Sometimes this is from people who havent been there. I think every parent has to find that fine line balance of what is right for them and their kid.</p><p></p><p>Copa that distinction you rtalk about it, is exactly right. For me their is a big difference in setting a boundary trying to make my son do something versus setting a boundary so that I am safe or comfortable in what I am doing. One thing I have come to realize is that my sons drug use is his own doing and own choice that I have no control over whatsoever. For him to be in full recovery is totally up to him to do when he is ready to do it. I can’t make him ready....gosh I have tried. </p><p></p><p>So for me I see a difference between kicking a kid out of the house because you know they are using drugs outside of your home and you disapprove and want them to stop and so kick them out to try and make them stop..... and kicking a kid out of the house who is using drugs, but is bringing illegal drugs into your home, is stealing from you and is basically making you miserable from his terrible behavior. In the second case I dont think having this kid live with you si good for you or for them.....the first time we kicked our son out his behavior was out of control, flagrantly violating all rules and then he threatened me. I felt that the message I was sending my letting him stay was that there were no consequences for that kind of behavior and that is just not true in life. I have no regrets about kicking him out then. </p><p></p><p>A few years later he did live with us again.... and we hated having him here and he was using heroin by that time. We finally did help him find a cheap place to live because we needed our home back....after he left I discovered he had stolen the silver my father gave me for a wedding present. That changed some things for me and I dont want him to ever live with me again. It comes down to trust. I love my son but I dont trust him and I dont want to live with someone I dont trust.</p><p></p><p>To enable or not enable, to help or not help is a very fine line to walk for all of us.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 748644, member: 15801"] Kathy thanks for your comments. And oh my goodness I definitely dont mean to sound like I am blaming parents for their kids OD deaths. I definitely don’t. You are absolutely right an OD can happen anywhere including our own homes. In no way do I think parents are responsible when their kids OD. The hard fact about drug addiction is that it kills way too often and that is the reality we as parents have to live with, our kids may die no matter what we do. I think what I am reacting to is the many people who are so ready to just tell you “you are enabling” when you try in some way to help your kid. Sometimes this is from people who havent been there. I think every parent has to find that fine line balance of what is right for them and their kid. Copa that distinction you rtalk about it, is exactly right. For me their is a big difference in setting a boundary trying to make my son do something versus setting a boundary so that I am safe or comfortable in what I am doing. One thing I have come to realize is that my sons drug use is his own doing and own choice that I have no control over whatsoever. For him to be in full recovery is totally up to him to do when he is ready to do it. I can’t make him ready....gosh I have tried. So for me I see a difference between kicking a kid out of the house because you know they are using drugs outside of your home and you disapprove and want them to stop and so kick them out to try and make them stop..... and kicking a kid out of the house who is using drugs, but is bringing illegal drugs into your home, is stealing from you and is basically making you miserable from his terrible behavior. In the second case I dont think having this kid live with you si good for you or for them.....the first time we kicked our son out his behavior was out of control, flagrantly violating all rules and then he threatened me. I felt that the message I was sending my letting him stay was that there were no consequences for that kind of behavior and that is just not true in life. I have no regrets about kicking him out then. A few years later he did live with us again.... and we hated having him here and he was using heroin by that time. We finally did help him find a cheap place to live because we needed our home back....after he left I discovered he had stolen the silver my father gave me for a wedding present. That changed some things for me and I dont want him to ever live with me again. It comes down to trust. I love my son but I dont trust him and I dont want to live with someone I dont trust. To enable or not enable, to help or not help is a very fine line to walk for all of us. TL [/QUOTE]
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