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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 378274" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi ya - </p><p> </p><p>First time talker - long time reader - </p><p> </p><p>I have a really good book recommendation for you - or anyone with a budding ODD'er- It even has a work book in it and chapters to do as you go along. It would have been a heaven sent for me with my severely ADHD and off the chart ODD with borderline trait, and so many other things mixed in son - (now 20) and a friend here got me this one and the teen one and I have read and re read them both so much they are cover bare.</p><p> </p><p>How to Talk to kids so they will listen and how to listen to kids so they will talk </p><p>How to talk to teens so they will listen and how to listen to teens so they will talk.....</p><p> </p><p>BOTH are excellent examples of effective communication between people, not just parents. My son and I used to long ago have a silent shopping trip. Once a week we would pick a store and shop but not talk. The goal? To just LISTEN to how other Mother's spoke to their kids and how other kids spoke to their Mothers. (since it was just he and I for a long time) and IT WAS A REVELATION. It let me know a lot of areas I needed improvement and how I must look to the world that was listening to ME.......same for him. I've never heard of anyone else doing an exercise like it - but I still do it. Oddly enough - so does he. For a 20 year old kid - I think that's neat. </p><p> </p><p>just an idea - hope it helps. As far as wanting to be the bad boy? Pretty typical, but the neat thing is to show him how to be the coolest kid in the room by having the kindest behavior - can be done. But it's a work in progress - and NOT telling him it's being done - just letting him WANT to be that person. Maybe you can check with a local MENTOR agency and see if there is a big brother or shadow available for him? Schools often provide shadows FREE of charge through a childs IEP - just ask. (neat huh?) I never knew that until I came here either. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs and welcome. </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 378274, member: 4964"] Hi ya - First time talker - long time reader - I have a really good book recommendation for you - or anyone with a budding ODD'er- It even has a work book in it and chapters to do as you go along. It would have been a heaven sent for me with my severely ADHD and off the chart ODD with borderline trait, and so many other things mixed in son - (now 20) and a friend here got me this one and the teen one and I have read and re read them both so much they are cover bare. How to Talk to kids so they will listen and how to listen to kids so they will talk How to talk to teens so they will listen and how to listen to teens so they will talk..... BOTH are excellent examples of effective communication between people, not just parents. My son and I used to long ago have a silent shopping trip. Once a week we would pick a store and shop but not talk. The goal? To just LISTEN to how other Mother's spoke to their kids and how other kids spoke to their Mothers. (since it was just he and I for a long time) and IT WAS A REVELATION. It let me know a lot of areas I needed improvement and how I must look to the world that was listening to ME.......same for him. I've never heard of anyone else doing an exercise like it - but I still do it. Oddly enough - so does he. For a 20 year old kid - I think that's neat. just an idea - hope it helps. As far as wanting to be the bad boy? Pretty typical, but the neat thing is to show him how to be the coolest kid in the room by having the kindest behavior - can be done. But it's a work in progress - and NOT telling him it's being done - just letting him WANT to be that person. Maybe you can check with a local MENTOR agency and see if there is a big brother or shadow available for him? Schools often provide shadows FREE of charge through a childs IEP - just ask. (neat huh?) I never knew that until I came here either. Hugs and welcome. Star [/QUOTE]
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