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Those of us with- narcissistic parents- do you attract narcissist friends?
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 550601" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>I completely understand what you are talking about. And, I agree that it is something that impacts one's adult relationships. I can offer my take on it and if it makes sense to you, great, if not, just disregard......</p><p></p><p>It was explained to me like this: If your experience is the shape of a pie and let's say 1/4 of that pie is "contaminated" (that was the word used) by an unhealthy parent, if you do not heal/acknowledge/recognize/understand (insert whatever word works) that relationship you will re create that 1/4 of the pie in your future relationships in the same way. It's pre-verbal learned behavior which is generally out of our awareness, but can actually run the show. </p><p></p><p>My early experience shaped my personality to be that accommodating person you speak of, with people who are narcissistic or just plain ole selfish and self serving (or mentally ill) and once that personality is forged, we're spring loaded to react in the same ways. It takes conscious awareness and the desire to change that makes a difference. </p><p></p><p>I had to back out of my connection with my boyfriend from the 7th grade (entitled, selfish) because our entire relationship was based on that unhealthy balance. For her to be able to really "see" me and the needs I have would have entailed a personality transplant and it was just not impossible. Finally, it became obvious to both of us and I had to make a choice and I did. It's a tough scenario because once I became aware of that, I did not want to be 'invisible' any longer and that awareness necessitated changes which I wasn't all that willing to make, it was painful and involved losses. It was across the board too, with <u>all</u> of those I had forged this "harmonious neurosis" with, and I had to let go of all of them. The imbalance became obvious and it hurt.</p><p></p><p>I also raised a narcissist. We don't know any better when we're younger and we train those around us to treat us in a certain way. And, when we pop out of that reality as adults we can see that it no longer works for us. In fact, it's now become hurtful to us. Sigh. The good news is that you've become aware of it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 550601, member: 13542"] I completely understand what you are talking about. And, I agree that it is something that impacts one's adult relationships. I can offer my take on it and if it makes sense to you, great, if not, just disregard...... It was explained to me like this: If your experience is the shape of a pie and let's say 1/4 of that pie is "contaminated" (that was the word used) by an unhealthy parent, if you do not heal/acknowledge/recognize/understand (insert whatever word works) that relationship you will re create that 1/4 of the pie in your future relationships in the same way. It's pre-verbal learned behavior which is generally out of our awareness, but can actually run the show. My early experience shaped my personality to be that accommodating person you speak of, with people who are narcissistic or just plain ole selfish and self serving (or mentally ill) and once that personality is forged, we're spring loaded to react in the same ways. It takes conscious awareness and the desire to change that makes a difference. I had to back out of my connection with my boyfriend from the 7th grade (entitled, selfish) because our entire relationship was based on that unhealthy balance. For her to be able to really "see" me and the needs I have would have entailed a personality transplant and it was just not impossible. Finally, it became obvious to both of us and I had to make a choice and I did. It's a tough scenario because once I became aware of that, I did not want to be 'invisible' any longer and that awareness necessitated changes which I wasn't all that willing to make, it was painful and involved losses. It was across the board too, with [U]all[/U] of those I had forged this "harmonious neurosis" with, and I had to let go of all of them. The imbalance became obvious and it hurt. I also raised a narcissist. We don't know any better when we're younger and we train those around us to treat us in a certain way. And, when we pop out of that reality as adults we can see that it no longer works for us. In fact, it's now become hurtful to us. Sigh. The good news is that you've become aware of it. [/QUOTE]
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Those of us with- narcissistic parents- do you attract narcissist friends?
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