Years ago I confided in a few people that I thought were friends, the reason I did this is because they told me they were dealing with either a bipolar wife or child. I confided in several men that I thought were my friends, professional men with good jobs and reputations. The part that makes me so sick is each one of those men that I had confided in tried to put the moves on my daughter, all were married men. I was desperately looking for help and it back fired. I wrote before that I had confided in other women about how horrible my daughter was and was told off for not doing enough etc etc. Even though my daughter can grieve me like a death, it hurts me to the core when others try to take advantage of her illness. A few months ago my husband confided in the wrong person and she is making my daughters life harder. Sometimes I am so full of sorrow and need to express my feelings and get genuine direction. I hate it that my husband and myself, had to talk so ugly about our own daughter. I have found out the hard way and that is to talk to a counselor or this wonderful support group. I have taught classes on energy fields and how damaging it is to talk ill about someone or to someone, even a flower or plant will die if you talk ugly to it. I know and understand how powerful our tones and voices are and the damage they can do. I have to retrain my mind to think that I am being firm and solid in my boundaries. That is why boundaries are so important because they can prevent so much of the crap that gets filtered in. My daughter and I are on talking terms, yet I still hear lies or I think she is lying to me about this, that, anything. She knows I am highly intuitive yet continues. If I called her on every lie, we would not have any dialog. Sometimes I listen to her noise and just listen for tone and then I put the puzzle together and make my own truth. Some days I do not have the strength to sort through the BS and make myself unavailable. What kind of life is this? A couple of days ago I suggested she goes back to counseling. I had the number ready but then I thought, hell no, I have spent thousands of dollars, time and gas and yet she is the way she is.It really has to come from her and in reality I am not helping her at her age, she needs to dig deep inside and help herself.. I feel ashamed that I am so engulfed and overwhelmed with my daughter's mental illness. Even if I were to go to the moon, I could still feel her grief in my shoulders. Years ago I got the flu so bad that I passed out. When I came to, first thing I felt was the heaviness in my shoulders with my daughters off the wall behavior. She got real sick and stayed with me and ended up in the hospital with dehydration. Even though I had the flu as bad as she did, I took care of her. Sometimes I feel as if I am writing the same thing over and over again hoping to find another miracle nugget of wisdom that will help me move forward without this mountain of pain. Some of say, make this life smooth and peaceful no matter what my daughter does with her life. God designed me as a care giver. In my real life, my jobs are all geared to serving the hurting.. I have this desire and back ground yet can't reach my own daughter. My deceased son was also a born care giver, doing many things that truly helped and aided people on their life journey. Years ago my friend took me to see John Edwards, it was a gift for me, something I would never buy for myself or spend that kind of money on. Anyway, my son came through and John Edwards told the crowd, over 2000 people that my son was here and his job was to bring all the souls with him so they can visit their loved ones. John Edwards told me my son's name and how he died, his age and that he loves me very much. (Sorry got off track, it's raining, the sky is crying with me.) When I read your posts I try to envision what you look like. I know we need to stay anonymous but I would love to see the person behind the post. Possibly could we do something like this. I am 5'7 meduim length brown and silver hair. I look like Susan St James, Emma Peel, Natalie Wood or Ali McGraw, I have also heard Cher. Big boobs, all natural and saggy. 120 lb I am completely sugar free, it will be one year and half on March 11th. I have short nails because I love to garden. My butt is flat. Looks like someone let the air out of it. I have a back with a crack.