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Time for change......
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<blockquote data-quote="Im a Believer" data-source="post: 358966" data-attributes="member: 6448"><p>Nomad ~ Sorry - This is my 22 year old. </p><p> </p><p>I was extrememly upset and having panic attacks when I posted yesterday.</p><p> </p><p>This son was the most abused by his dad - He has terrible anger issues along with drug use. He has been in and out of my home at least a half a dozen times. Last time which was over 2 years ago - he was caught smoking pot in my basement numerous times - stole and pawned my property - snuck a girl in to spend the night and the day he left - he threw my youngest son - then 16 into a wall and attacked my husband (his step dad) in the kitchen - we had to call the police.</p><p> </p><p>He has lived with my oldest daughter and her husband 2 or 3 times (my son in law is done) Two years ago I wrote on here about a friend of the family that took him in and came over and yelled at me for being a "bad parent" and throwing him out. by the way ~ This same "gentleman" threw him out a few months ago after letting him live there for a year and he wouldn't work.</p><p> </p><p>My mom took him in with the understanding he now wanted help and was to get on waiting list for rehab that he qualified for - our area has tons of places - he ended up not calling any of them and DEMANDS that I let him live with me so he can go to school cuz that's what he needs now ~ </p><p> </p><p>The last time I talked to him was about 2 weeks ago at my moms and he went off on me how everything is my fault - yadaa yadaa yadaa.</p><p> </p><p>Honestly - My son makes my blood pressure rise and I have panic attacks just talking to him. He is a lot like his father and has the same temper. I am afraid of him and it's easier to detach if I don't talk or see him.</p><p> </p><p>I feel bad saying that but since he came back into my life a few months ago - I have been spiraling out of control with my codependency and panic attacks from worrying.</p><p> </p><p>Because he was the most abused - I was always his protector so I struggle with not being able to help him now ~ It is a vicious circle.</p><p> </p><p>I had to add medication this week for the depression and panic attacks - I was totally out of control and my couselor was considering having me hospitalized.</p><p> </p><p>Today I had an awesome day with my husband - we went out for breakfast and worked in the yard and I did not think about him once (Again a little guilt about that).</p><p> </p><p>I will lose my mind if I continue to allow myself to get wrapped up in all the **** my addicted kids are into. I have to take care of myself. </p><p> </p><p>My 2 daughters are MAD at me because my 22 year old is calling them and "crying" - they say I am putting them in the parental role - I told them "No - You put yourself in that role." </p><p> </p><p>We need to let "J" hit bottom - we keep catching him as he's falling and sooner or later he goes over the cliff again and then we have to fight from being pulled over the edge with him - We have to stop the chaos - Let him fall so he can see where he is (the bottom) and has no where to look but up.</p><p> </p><p>It is hard to have my oldest daughter upset with me - I have a granddaughter - my whole family is codependent on each other. </p><p> </p><p>Thankfully I had a couselor appointment yesterday (perfect timing) - My couselor shared something I have never heard before.</p><p> </p><p>I am to think of my family as a chess game - I am the Queen - I am to hold my head high - I can move anywhere I want and they will follow - As moms we have a lot more power than we realize.</p><p> </p><p>I want to do what is best for my son - There's nothing I can do to help him. My church even approached me and offered to pay for his rehab. I have been a long time member and my husband and I are very involved and the church has a benevolence fund and voted to help my son if he really wants it.</p><p> </p><p>He knows that and has not returned their calls.</p><p> </p><p>I am going on and on but just in processing this to you - I know I have to Let Go ~</p><p> </p><p>Opinions - Advice - etc. are always welcome whenever I post.</p><p> </p><p>I have made so many mistakes I fear doing anything for making more.</p><p> </p><p>Thanks!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Im a Believer, post: 358966, member: 6448"] Nomad ~ Sorry - This is my 22 year old. I was extrememly upset and having panic attacks when I posted yesterday. This son was the most abused by his dad - He has terrible anger issues along with drug use. He has been in and out of my home at least a half a dozen times. Last time which was over 2 years ago - he was caught smoking pot in my basement numerous times - stole and pawned my property - snuck a girl in to spend the night and the day he left - he threw my youngest son - then 16 into a wall and attacked my husband (his step dad) in the kitchen - we had to call the police. He has lived with my oldest daughter and her husband 2 or 3 times (my son in law is done) Two years ago I wrote on here about a friend of the family that took him in and came over and yelled at me for being a "bad parent" and throwing him out. by the way ~ This same "gentleman" threw him out a few months ago after letting him live there for a year and he wouldn't work. My mom took him in with the understanding he now wanted help and was to get on waiting list for rehab that he qualified for - our area has tons of places - he ended up not calling any of them and DEMANDS that I let him live with me so he can go to school cuz that's what he needs now ~ The last time I talked to him was about 2 weeks ago at my moms and he went off on me how everything is my fault - yadaa yadaa yadaa. Honestly - My son makes my blood pressure rise and I have panic attacks just talking to him. He is a lot like his father and has the same temper. I am afraid of him and it's easier to detach if I don't talk or see him. I feel bad saying that but since he came back into my life a few months ago - I have been spiraling out of control with my codependency and panic attacks from worrying. Because he was the most abused - I was always his protector so I struggle with not being able to help him now ~ It is a vicious circle. I had to add medication this week for the depression and panic attacks - I was totally out of control and my couselor was considering having me hospitalized. Today I had an awesome day with my husband - we went out for breakfast and worked in the yard and I did not think about him once (Again a little guilt about that). I will lose my mind if I continue to allow myself to get wrapped up in all the **** my addicted kids are into. I have to take care of myself. My 2 daughters are MAD at me because my 22 year old is calling them and "crying" - they say I am putting them in the parental role - I told them "No - You put yourself in that role." We need to let "J" hit bottom - we keep catching him as he's falling and sooner or later he goes over the cliff again and then we have to fight from being pulled over the edge with him - We have to stop the chaos - Let him fall so he can see where he is (the bottom) and has no where to look but up. It is hard to have my oldest daughter upset with me - I have a granddaughter - my whole family is codependent on each other. Thankfully I had a couselor appointment yesterday (perfect timing) - My couselor shared something I have never heard before. I am to think of my family as a chess game - I am the Queen - I am to hold my head high - I can move anywhere I want and they will follow - As moms we have a lot more power than we realize. I want to do what is best for my son - There's nothing I can do to help him. My church even approached me and offered to pay for his rehab. I have been a long time member and my husband and I are very involved and the church has a benevolence fund and voted to help my son if he really wants it. He knows that and has not returned their calls. I am going on and on but just in processing this to you - I know I have to Let Go ~ Opinions - Advice - etc. are always welcome whenever I post. I have made so many mistakes I fear doing anything for making more. Thanks! [/QUOTE]
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