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Family of Origin
Time to cut off from my FOO?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 665961" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I think most of us think that becsuse they raised us or lived with us that we owe them, even if they are not nice to us. Also who doesnt want the television version of a family? The problem is, it is so uncommon. But its hard to let go of the dream. In my case I was scapegoated since I was little and it took me well until my 30s to figure out that abuse is always the fault of the parent. Kids do not abuse on purpose. Loving parents are supposed to teach us how and how not to behave. If they dont, they are at fault, not the minor child.</p><p></p><p>In my case, I was screamed at a lot and called names and told things a good mother would know not to do. But after the labeling of me as baaaaaaaad, she never gave any consequences beyond shaming me. It was confusing, and I was a tempermental, depressed and angry kid as it was. I needed love and understanding and validation that I could do well and structure and to be taight boundaries.</p><p></p><p>Instead, our house was chaotic. All three kids turned out to feel unworthy of love, even her gplden child. Her handiwork was unstable adults.</p><p></p><p>Im glad I started my recovery path early. I think I figured out what was going on young, but it was a long time before I realized I am a complete and worthwhile person without foo and their love and approval. I wanted to love them and to have them love me back but honestly they dont accept me. And I dont care. Nor do I accept things they do and have done.</p><p></p><p>We dont have to love thise who randomly share our dna and they dont have to love us, and rifts are common. Even cut offs. We are better off in my opinion saving our hearts for those who want them.</p><p></p><p>I hope you have agreat day. I have to work<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 665961, member: 1550"] I think most of us think that becsuse they raised us or lived with us that we owe them, even if they are not nice to us. Also who doesnt want the television version of a family? The problem is, it is so uncommon. But its hard to let go of the dream. In my case I was scapegoated since I was little and it took me well until my 30s to figure out that abuse is always the fault of the parent. Kids do not abuse on purpose. Loving parents are supposed to teach us how and how not to behave. If they dont, they are at fault, not the minor child. In my case, I was screamed at a lot and called names and told things a good mother would know not to do. But after the labeling of me as baaaaaaaad, she never gave any consequences beyond shaming me. It was confusing, and I was a tempermental, depressed and angry kid as it was. I needed love and understanding and validation that I could do well and structure and to be taight boundaries. Instead, our house was chaotic. All three kids turned out to feel unworthy of love, even her gplden child. Her handiwork was unstable adults. Im glad I started my recovery path early. I think I figured out what was going on young, but it was a long time before I realized I am a complete and worthwhile person without foo and their love and approval. I wanted to love them and to have them love me back but honestly they dont accept me. And I dont care. Nor do I accept things they do and have done. We dont have to love thise who randomly share our dna and they dont have to love us, and rifts are common. Even cut offs. We are better off in my opinion saving our hearts for those who want them. I hope you have agreat day. I have to work:) [/QUOTE]
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Time to cut off from my FOO?
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