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Time to sell his car?
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 518344"><p>VG-and I mean this kindly...how much more evidence do you need to believe your son has a drug problem? Can you really say out loud with a straight face that believe the drug paraphernalia he blatantly left out in the open in his vehicle belongs to his friends? </p><p></p><p>My son is very much like yours. To my knowledge, he has not stolen from us, been behaviorally difficult (outside of norms) and he is often pleasant to be around. He is estranged for us because I am not going to pretend that smoking pot is ok with us and pretend that it is not having a detrimental effect on him and his future. Sure lots of ppl can be casual users & be successful. But my kid is not achieving success. Neither is yours. My kid would rather give up car use & college than to stop smoking pot. Sound familiar? My kid has let his pot use come between him and his family and we have lost the trust we shared because of the lies he tells about & to cover up his pot use. Marijuana is a major cause of amotivation. Don't close your eyes to the detrimental effect pot is having on your child. He's lost his car & he doesn't care!! He'd rather lose his car, his education & your relationship than to give up pot. If that's not a drug problem... What is?</p><p></p><p>I am here with a son like yours. He hasn't gone to rehab, he hasn't stolen, he can manage to get & keep jobs. FOR NOW. I have no doubt that unless my kid comes to his senses QUICKLY, he will fall to the depths of other difficult child's on this board. I can't really speak for my board sisters-but afaik-many of those difficult child's started out just like mine. And that's why I am here. As a reminder to be strong. That my BEST shot at getting my son healthy is for him to be willing to seek help which he WON'T unless he starts to feel the effects of his bad choices. And if I don't stand for something, I will fall for anything. So, I could pretend his pot use isn't a factor in his declining mediocracy and pretend to believe its a phase... And maybe I could've maintained the status quo for another year or so... Until it got too bad. And that was not something I was willing to do. I have younger kids, and that IS a factor in our choice to take a stand. But I also learned that every time I gave him a second chance; I actually lowered the bar. And the summer of 2011? I assumed his bristly new independence was typical "returning college student" and I thought i was placating the situation. Nope! Turns out I was giving him the control in our relationship/house. I wanted so much to be reasonable to my son-but my being reasonable fueled his sense of entitlement. That's the difference. PCs accept & are grateful for second chances and are willing to meet halfway.</p><p></p><p>Again, I am not trying to burst your bubble. And may I suggest a drug test for your son? I will happily eat my words and be truthfully joyous if your kid isn't using. Really. But you need to know-one way or the other. </p><p></p><p>{{hugs}}</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 518344"] VG-and I mean this kindly...how much more evidence do you need to believe your son has a drug problem? Can you really say out loud with a straight face that believe the drug paraphernalia he blatantly left out in the open in his vehicle belongs to his friends? My son is very much like yours. To my knowledge, he has not stolen from us, been behaviorally difficult (outside of norms) and he is often pleasant to be around. He is estranged for us because I am not going to pretend that smoking pot is ok with us and pretend that it is not having a detrimental effect on him and his future. Sure lots of ppl can be casual users & be successful. But my kid is not achieving success. Neither is yours. My kid would rather give up car use & college than to stop smoking pot. Sound familiar? My kid has let his pot use come between him and his family and we have lost the trust we shared because of the lies he tells about & to cover up his pot use. Marijuana is a major cause of amotivation. Don't close your eyes to the detrimental effect pot is having on your child. He's lost his car & he doesn't care!! He'd rather lose his car, his education & your relationship than to give up pot. If that's not a drug problem... What is? I am here with a son like yours. He hasn't gone to rehab, he hasn't stolen, he can manage to get & keep jobs. FOR NOW. I have no doubt that unless my kid comes to his senses QUICKLY, he will fall to the depths of other difficult child's on this board. I can't really speak for my board sisters-but afaik-many of those difficult child's started out just like mine. And that's why I am here. As a reminder to be strong. That my BEST shot at getting my son healthy is for him to be willing to seek help which he WON'T unless he starts to feel the effects of his bad choices. And if I don't stand for something, I will fall for anything. So, I could pretend his pot use isn't a factor in his declining mediocracy and pretend to believe its a phase... And maybe I could've maintained the status quo for another year or so... Until it got too bad. And that was not something I was willing to do. I have younger kids, and that IS a factor in our choice to take a stand. But I also learned that every time I gave him a second chance; I actually lowered the bar. And the summer of 2011? I assumed his bristly new independence was typical "returning college student" and I thought i was placating the situation. Nope! Turns out I was giving him the control in our relationship/house. I wanted so much to be reasonable to my son-but my being reasonable fueled his sense of entitlement. That's the difference. PCs accept & are grateful for second chances and are willing to meet halfway. Again, I am not trying to burst your bubble. And may I suggest a drug test for your son? I will happily eat my words and be truthfully joyous if your kid isn't using. Really. But you need to know-one way or the other. {{hugs}} [/QUOTE]
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