Time to throw in the towel

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by crazymama30, Oct 9, 2007.

  1. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Warning, really big whiney post ahead

    husband has not worked in over a year, I have been only one working and we have gotten horribly behind on bills. He was denied disability, and I cannot get him to follow thru on appealing. I am going to have to sell the house and we will move in with my mom. I have talked to her about it, and she is ok with it, actually likes the idea as we will pay her rent and it will make her life easier also. Hopefully I will have enough equity to use the profit to build onto her house. I was hoping we could stay here untill spring, but that is not gonna happen.

    We have lived with my mom years ago, and it was ok. I just hate the idea that at 30 yrs old, I have to move home. I can either quit school (and then have to pay my student loans or lose my current state license) and get an additional job, or move. I just cannot make ends meet. Rent is so high here it would cost me more to rent a place than what I pay now unless I got an apartment, and I think that would still be more. I feel like such a loser. I work and go to school. I really do not know what else I can do. Now I have to decide whether I want father in law to sell the house (he is real estate agent. He thinks husband has no pain and it is just in his head. I disagree, and if any of that were true it may be from the way he raised husband and how many times he beat him!!! (back to subject at hand)

    I just want to cry, but kids are still up as it is only 7:00 here. husband is not home, he went to help someone return a motor home. I just do not see another option.
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest


    It's hard to be in this situation. I'm going through something similar, so I can empathize. Just try to remember that it's only temporary. Life is full of ups and downs and twists and turns, but in the end things usually work out for the best. You will get through this.
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Another one going thru similar times. And yeah, it really is tough at times. husband has been looking for permanent work for the past year.

    Given your father in law's attitude toward husband's condition I think I'd be more than hesitant to have him as a realitor. I dunno, I just think it might create some friction there. And you don't need any added stress.

    We've been able to keep the house payments going. (by the skin of our teeth) But at the moment I'm sitting in a kitchen that resembles Ol Mother Hubbard's Cupboard, and bill collectors hating the fact that I have caller ID.

    Stick with school. It'll pay off in the long run. And like you said, if you quit now there will just be more bills to pay cuz you can't defer your student loans.

    We've moved in with my mother in law several times over the years. I hated the very idea, although I adore her. But when it's necessary, well, what can you do? I just did all I could to make it as easy on her as possible. It worked out.

    You will get thru this.

  4. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    The other issue is with father in law, husband and him are still fairly close!! father in law complains to me about husband, but does not tell him. If I do not use him as an agent, I am concerned it will upset everyone and damage their (in laws) relationship with the kids.

    It does help to hear that others have been in this situation. I realize that others have been here, but it does help to have others admit to it. Thanks
  5. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Originally Posted By: crazymama30</div><div class="ubbcode-body">It does help to hear that others have been in this situation. I realize that others have been here, but it does help to have others admit to it. Thanks </div></div>

    It does, doesn't it? I've found that to be true, also. It takes away the feeling of isolation.
  6. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Makes ya realize life stinks for more people than just me!!! :rofl: :9-07tears:
  7. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.....

    Room to spare....and agony on me....

    Old HEE HAW song. :rofl: :rolleyes:
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Im sorry things have been this bad for you guys. Please tell your husband to appeal. If you have to, send in the appeal for him. If he needs the name of a good lawyer, I will give you the name of mine. He is nationwide and he got my disability for me. He is good. He does do chronic pain cases and cases dealing with mental illnesses. Just dont sit on that appeal and let it go dead.

    I beg of you...send it in!

    I know how frustrating it is...it took me years to win but I finally did.
  9. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Why is father in law complaining to you about your husband? This seems like a very bad situation that will get worse if it can. Not sure I would be able to handle working with this situation for the house sale.


  10. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    I'm so sorry to hear this. We were in the same situation for 3 or 4 years while husband (who couldn't find work in his field - all the jobs are going to India) finished up his degree.

    Like Lisa, we hung on by the skin of our teeth (always have based what we could afford mortgage wise on one income - helps if one of us was laid off.) husband graduated this past December & found a position that keeps me a stay at home mom. Up until then I carried the job/money realities.

    I'm glad that you have a workable solution. The fact that your mother is ready & willing to have you back may be, on part, her need for others in her home again.

    Take a deep breath, find the good (there is good in this situation), do what needs to be done to move & finish that degree.

    It will all work out in the end.
  11. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member

    Oh yeah. Everyone has hard times. It may not always be financially, it could be health or emotional.

    I have learned that these ups and downs make us better people. I know it sounds like I am the mom telling the child to cheer up, but it really is true. This will make you stronger. It will motivate you. Hopefully it will motivate husband to do what he needs to do.

    in my humble opinion, I do not care what the relationship is with father in law - if he will sell the house with no commission than use him. Selling can be expensive!!
  12. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    Thanks guys. I am in a better spot this mornng. It was something that I realized, but did not truely accept untill last night, and it hit like a ton of bricks. I will probably go talk to father in law today or tommorrow, I cannot afford to pay much, if at all and he will be overly fair with us about that. I can deal with it for the times that I have to. I will go and get some boxes and pack up the knick knacks and try to do some yard work, that is what really needs done!!

    DJ-I am pretty sure husband already let the denial for disability die, he was denied several months ago. I have not been in a place where I could help him, once we get moved and settled, I may get more "supportive" on that. He also just had a nerve ablation done, and he and the doctor think that will cure him. I am skeptical
  13. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I helped my then husb get his disability. he was denied a medical one and I successfully got him the psychiatric one. I was planning to divorce him and had he not gotten the disability he would have me paying alimony. he is physically able to work. he is a schizophrenic, passive aggressive, depressed, angry man though who cannot be with others at all. he is a hermit now.

    you are not a loser, maybe a softie but not a loser. you go to school and work and have kids to care for.
  14. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Well I hope the abalation works. If it does let me know...lol. If not, have him restart the SSDI application pronto...all may not be lost.
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, so sorry.
    Your mom sounds like a gem.
    She makes up for your F-I-L. Sort of.

    I've never heard of nerve ablation. I've had uterine ablation, but ... ?
  16. crazymama30

    crazymama30 Active Member

    A nerve ablation is where they go in and cauterize the nerve with laser so it quits sending pain signals to the brain. The pain is still present, but the brain does not know about it. husband has 6 lumbar verterbrae (sp) instead of 5. has developed arthritis in the sacral area that is rubbing on the nerve and causing severe and chronic pain. This is the latest theory, we will see if they are right this time.