Hi & welcome monijpm -
I just happened to see that you replied to a post that I wrote in 2007. If you want feel free to start your own new post, and introduce yourself a little bit.
When I wrote this my son Matt was 16. Things unfortunately only got worse. However, now he is 22, and I have a lot more understanding into this ODD pattern. Actually I would not call it ODD for any person anymore. It is kind of a catch all term in my opinion.
To me it is - sensory overload, needing control, unresolved internal issues that boil over into oppositional behavior and actions.
Matt is now able to express what it is that is making him feel oppositional, and it is almost always pressure or unrest from within his own psyche or from outside sources. His resistance comes from needing control - opposing is the only way to gain that.
So, please do not blame yourself! The best you can do for him right now, is get him into therapy. Read The Explosive Child. And ignore his outbursts. Giving power to his outbursts only reinforces the behavior.
Also, look into sensory integration disorder. If he hates to hear you eating - that is a sensory issue. (Oddly I too have this. I cannot stand it to hear people eat certain crunch foods. Weird, I know 
Again, welcome, and if you want to start your own post with more details and a signature that gives us some details about you and your son - you will probably get a lot more responses.
