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Tips on how to kill the mother in law (and preferably not get caught)?
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 529995" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Well, I'm probably going to be the UNPOPULAR yet UNDERSTANDING voice of one in this crowd. But I hope you hear me out without throwing anything at me. UGH I can't believe I'm even going to say this let alone think it.....but here goes. </p><p></p><p>Natural consequences. Unfortunately this is one of them, in a long list of things that our childrens' behaviors bring about on themselves. Like you said - there probably isn't one other person in that room full of family or friends that probably hasn't done whatever it is that your son did also - HOWEVER - their Grandmother may have accepted it and moved on. YOUR Mother in law has the right to NOT accept his behavior, and be embarrased by his actions and choose to not have him present. No he's not a murderer, or a rapist - but at some point in his life he's going to have to realize that NOT everyone is going to say "I understand what you did, and why you did it." There will be people that LOVE him - but not unconditionally like you. There are going to be people in his life that after a certain age (and apparently with her he's reached it) are going to say "Enough is enough - and it's time for you to accept the consequences of your actions and THAT INCLUDES - not being in my company because - you did XYZ and were an embarrassment to yourself, and your family and part of those consequences in her mind and the natural order of things - are NOT spending time with her until HE redeems himself." </p><p></p><p>I don't like it any better than you do - that he's being ostracized. HOWEVER - sometimes I came to my sons defense a little to readily and a little too many times - when my family was involved and stepped in with excuses beacuse he had "Issues, or he had behavior problems - and tried to protect him." instead of allowing natural consequences and allowing him to KNOW what it was like to feel unwanted by family because he ALREADY felt so unwanted by the rest of the world. </p><p></p><p>My Mother? Is a perfect example of this. I've been trying to patch her and my sons relationship for years and in essence she is the quintecential epitome of "If you put a black mark on our family name? I want nothing to do with you." - So where do you think that leaves my son? He's tried to reach out to her - even now that he's somewhat putting his life back together again and finally I blew up and said "WHEN will he ever be good enough for you?" I got no response - just an ugly look that I had been a little too big for MY britches. I realized later that she loves him - but this is her way of not getting involved in problems, and heartache, and it really does break her heart, but in HER lifetime - you avoided people that caused problems. You didn't invite them to dinner. This method meant that either they were so shamed they never ever did it again to get back into the famly graces again - OR they stayed away and .......by that - The family name was spared from gossip. - Further horrid gossip. </p><p></p><p>I don't know how old your mother in law is - but if it's a generation thing? Maybe it's time to start a new tradition in YOUR Generation - and explain to YOUR boys that you've decided to do something new. </p><p></p><p>I'm a little stinker anyway - I'd probably say "I think what WE'll do is GO to that restaurant - and SIT somewhere else......" That way if easy child wants to go see Granny? They can do it - and you and me difficult child can sit right here." -----That way you're honoring Granny, easy child gets to see Granny, difficult child gets to go too - and husband doesn't get stuck in the middle of a bunch of junk. And Granny can't say you brought difficult child to HER party. YOu brought him to YOUR party. SO there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 529995, member: 4964"] Well, I'm probably going to be the UNPOPULAR yet UNDERSTANDING voice of one in this crowd. But I hope you hear me out without throwing anything at me. UGH I can't believe I'm even going to say this let alone think it.....but here goes. Natural consequences. Unfortunately this is one of them, in a long list of things that our childrens' behaviors bring about on themselves. Like you said - there probably isn't one other person in that room full of family or friends that probably hasn't done whatever it is that your son did also - HOWEVER - their Grandmother may have accepted it and moved on. YOUR Mother in law has the right to NOT accept his behavior, and be embarrased by his actions and choose to not have him present. No he's not a murderer, or a rapist - but at some point in his life he's going to have to realize that NOT everyone is going to say "I understand what you did, and why you did it." There will be people that LOVE him - but not unconditionally like you. There are going to be people in his life that after a certain age (and apparently with her he's reached it) are going to say "Enough is enough - and it's time for you to accept the consequences of your actions and THAT INCLUDES - not being in my company because - you did XYZ and were an embarrassment to yourself, and your family and part of those consequences in her mind and the natural order of things - are NOT spending time with her until HE redeems himself." I don't like it any better than you do - that he's being ostracized. HOWEVER - sometimes I came to my sons defense a little to readily and a little too many times - when my family was involved and stepped in with excuses beacuse he had "Issues, or he had behavior problems - and tried to protect him." instead of allowing natural consequences and allowing him to KNOW what it was like to feel unwanted by family because he ALREADY felt so unwanted by the rest of the world. My Mother? Is a perfect example of this. I've been trying to patch her and my sons relationship for years and in essence she is the quintecential epitome of "If you put a black mark on our family name? I want nothing to do with you." - So where do you think that leaves my son? He's tried to reach out to her - even now that he's somewhat putting his life back together again and finally I blew up and said "WHEN will he ever be good enough for you?" I got no response - just an ugly look that I had been a little too big for MY britches. I realized later that she loves him - but this is her way of not getting involved in problems, and heartache, and it really does break her heart, but in HER lifetime - you avoided people that caused problems. You didn't invite them to dinner. This method meant that either they were so shamed they never ever did it again to get back into the famly graces again - OR they stayed away and .......by that - The family name was spared from gossip. - Further horrid gossip. I don't know how old your mother in law is - but if it's a generation thing? Maybe it's time to start a new tradition in YOUR Generation - and explain to YOUR boys that you've decided to do something new. I'm a little stinker anyway - I'd probably say "I think what WE'll do is GO to that restaurant - and SIT somewhere else......" That way if easy child wants to go see Granny? They can do it - and you and me difficult child can sit right here." -----That way you're honoring Granny, easy child gets to see Granny, difficult child gets to go too - and husband doesn't get stuck in the middle of a bunch of junk. And Granny can't say you brought difficult child to HER party. YOu brought him to YOUR party. SO there. [/QUOTE]
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