The past 48 hours have been so difficult for me. Please forgive me while I vent a bit. I've been doing so much better with staying in my lane, focusing on my joys, taking care of myself. I'm really kind of enjoying the process of self-care - intentional caring for ME. Not just my weight, or outward things, but personal development. It's hard to put to words, but it's closer to a spiritual rebirth in some ways. Might sound super hokey, I know. But I've really lost myself for years and years. Some for just the regular reasons (raising children, etc.) and some because I've been living in a state of emergency - panic, moment-to-moment, and it became my normal level of function. It's going to take me years to dig out of this, I know. But I'm feeling ready-ish. And you know, every time you take a step forward, something pulls you back a few. My daughter has been on a rather vicious rampage the last few days. She's been spending more time with her abusive/manipulate ex coupled with more time partaking in smoking blunts. Her chemical make-up does NOT do well with MJ. Never has. Makes her cold, mean, and childish. So she's enjoyed ripping me apart through text, phone calls. She wants to take her son (who we have had 24/7 since birth - a year now) over to her toxic/abusive ex's place for a fun little visit. She wants to give him "chances" suddenly even though they had an altercation a few short months ago where the cops were called and no-contact orders were in place. She says we are controlling everything, and it should not be that way. She is the MOM. Bla, bla, bla. She can't wait until she can get our guardianship revoked. Anything I say to inject reason falls on dead ears, so I just copy/pasted what she has said about her toxic, abusive ex in the past, and sent it back to her so she could see that she actually said it and not me (she's a bit delusional thinking that I am the one who put these ideas in her mind about him being an unsafe person ???), and just stopped talking to her. If she could just continue prostituting she would; she sees nothing wrong with it. Why work at 9-5? She likes her weed; she sees nothing wrong with it. It calms her anxiety when she's smoking. It's just so exhausting. I'm tired. She doesn't care that a family member was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness, or that we are facing some other medical concerns. It's all about her. But there is SO MUCH going on in our lives besides her self-inflicted cow manure. I guess today I'm just frustrated and feeling the sucky-ness of it all. I think she's uncomfortable with all of the holidays and family stuff that's going to happen in the next few weeks, and it is hitting her that she didn't get her stuff together like she said she would. So she's setting off bombs to deflect from that. But it doesn't make it any easier.