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Tired of being in fetal position....new mission for me
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 748236" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>All adopted children begin their lives abandoned. They do not realize this for a long time, even if they are told of their status, young. Because they do not have the cognitive ability and maturity to really grasp it. When they do grasp it there is a deep hole, that cannot be filled, except little by little at best, over the course of a lifetime. </p><p></p><p>If you look at it one way, you and Kay are dealing with the same thing: a sense at the deepest level of being broken. I think this is why I was triggered so badly by my own son's distress. Because he mirrored to me my own distress which I was trying oh so hard to escape. I think what must have happened is that she was confronted with herself. As long as she was in your family and helped directly by you, and supported by the family, this part of her was buried. Now she can't bury it anymore. It is a reality she must deal with. She is doing so badly but this is how she is functioning: by externalizing, by deflecting, all of her distress outside of her onto you. </p><p></p><p>This is not pretty. It is unbearable. But it is not personal. She would be doing this to any mother. It is not about you. You feel it. I feel it. Because we have brokenness in us too. In this way, this is a gift. If we are motivated to deal directly with our broken pieces, instead of running.</p><p>This is terrible. And it's got to stop. You deserve to be comfortable and secure. That is your priority and your responsibility. Not her. Not Lee.</p><p>They do not have to deal with what Kay has to deal with. It is like apples and oranges.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 748236, member: 18958"] All adopted children begin their lives abandoned. They do not realize this for a long time, even if they are told of their status, young. Because they do not have the cognitive ability and maturity to really grasp it. When they do grasp it there is a deep hole, that cannot be filled, except little by little at best, over the course of a lifetime. If you look at it one way, you and Kay are dealing with the same thing: a sense at the deepest level of being broken. I think this is why I was triggered so badly by my own son's distress. Because he mirrored to me my own distress which I was trying oh so hard to escape. I think what must have happened is that she was confronted with herself. As long as she was in your family and helped directly by you, and supported by the family, this part of her was buried. Now she can't bury it anymore. It is a reality she must deal with. She is doing so badly but this is how she is functioning: by externalizing, by deflecting, all of her distress outside of her onto you. This is not pretty. It is unbearable. But it is not personal. She would be doing this to any mother. It is not about you. You feel it. I feel it. Because we have brokenness in us too. In this way, this is a gift. If we are motivated to deal directly with our broken pieces, instead of running. This is terrible. And it's got to stop. You deserve to be comfortable and secure. That is your priority and your responsibility. Not her. Not Lee. They do not have to deal with what Kay has to deal with. It is like apples and oranges. [/QUOTE]
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Tired of being in fetal position....new mission for me
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