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Tired of the drama of dysfunctional people
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 145820" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Thank you guys - SO much. I <em>do</em> feel despondent and depressed. And yes I am on Lexapro. My counselor has had the flu, but I see her twice this week to make up for it so maybe that will help.</p><p></p><p>Yea. I am gonna talk to the mgr when he gets back from vacation about all of this. I agree, perhaps time to move on. The stupid thing is that I just got here. It is true though, as long as these stores are making money - that is all they care about. I am just another peon in their corporate landscape.</p><p></p><p>difficult child is a whole other story. I mean, big picture, compared to the past, he is doing OK. When compared to where he needs to be, well, that is a whole other story. I know I just need to be the one to push him, and lay down the mandates and laws - but I just have nothing in me right now. At this point, if he wants to lay in front of the tv all day, as long as he is quiet, I don't even care. And I know, that is horrible. It is so far from where I used to be as a parent. OMG. So far. </p><p></p><p>I saw my parents tonight. It just made me cry. My dad is having these weird problems, and we are not sure if it is the chemo or the cancer, or some other health aberration. When I left he was out talking to his adopted dog, who is actually the neighbors dog, Lottie. My mom said he talks to her through the neighbors fence when he is sad. It broke my heart. I have never seen him this sad. My dad does not even do sad.</p><p>And they so want me to be "happy" and "ok" - and as hard as I freaking try I am not. I can't even have a job that is normal. I feel like such a failure.</p><p></p><p>My mom brought me back what I can have of H.'s things. I can't even open the package. On top is her hat she used to wear as a kid. And then there are some pictures - and then there is her blankie she toted around as a tot. I can't even touch it. I can't even reach in the package beyond the blankie to see what else is in there. I am just deluged with emotion just looking at the pink blankie.</p><p></p><p>Nvts. What is pennies from heaven? A book? </p><p>And to answer your question - no, I would not ever do anything rash. I have my son after all. It is just that I wish I could be with her. No matter what. I just wish. This is all too hard down here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 145820, member: 3301"] Thank you guys - SO much. I [I]do[/I] feel despondent and depressed. And yes I am on Lexapro. My counselor has had the flu, but I see her twice this week to make up for it so maybe that will help. Yea. I am gonna talk to the mgr when he gets back from vacation about all of this. I agree, perhaps time to move on. The stupid thing is that I just got here. It is true though, as long as these stores are making money - that is all they care about. I am just another peon in their corporate landscape. difficult child is a whole other story. I mean, big picture, compared to the past, he is doing OK. When compared to where he needs to be, well, that is a whole other story. I know I just need to be the one to push him, and lay down the mandates and laws - but I just have nothing in me right now. At this point, if he wants to lay in front of the tv all day, as long as he is quiet, I don't even care. And I know, that is horrible. It is so far from where I used to be as a parent. OMG. So far. I saw my parents tonight. It just made me cry. My dad is having these weird problems, and we are not sure if it is the chemo or the cancer, or some other health aberration. When I left he was out talking to his adopted dog, who is actually the neighbors dog, Lottie. My mom said he talks to her through the neighbors fence when he is sad. It broke my heart. I have never seen him this sad. My dad does not even do sad. And they so want me to be "happy" and "ok" - and as hard as I freaking try I am not. I can't even have a job that is normal. I feel like such a failure. My mom brought me back what I can have of H.'s things. I can't even open the package. On top is her hat she used to wear as a kid. And then there are some pictures - and then there is her blankie she toted around as a tot. I can't even touch it. I can't even reach in the package beyond the blankie to see what else is in there. I am just deluged with emotion just looking at the pink blankie. Nvts. What is pennies from heaven? A book? And to answer your question - no, I would not ever do anything rash. I have my son after all. It is just that I wish I could be with her. No matter what. I just wish. This is all too hard down here. [/QUOTE]
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