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<blockquote data-quote="strangeworld" data-source="post: 722373" data-attributes="member: 22313"><p>Thanks for your replies. Your words truly help. I read here all the time and there's nothing quite as freeing as knowing you are not alone. So much strength here. Sorry for your circumstances Duli. It's so hard setting boundaries and sticking to them. We have to become determined and understand that we are not helping them in the long run to allow them to abuse us. I'm sorry there is a granddauggter not getting her emotional needs for safety and security met by her own mother. I just know I am going to have to tell my daughter she is not welcome home anymore until she makes some effort to do something. Whether it's getting counselling at the drop in center for youth, get her GED and a job. Go to community college or trade school. Or if she needs it - rehab but from what I understand rehab is a waste of money for most peoole because the addict will only stick to something when they are ready. Once they are ready then jump on it. Also I believe a lot of the reasons peoole turn to drugs and alcohol is extreme self consciousness and low self esteem. Once they sink their teeth into something that makes them feel empowered (even something small) like basic work or passing GED it might help them move forward. Baby steps towards reclaiming the self worth she once had and now has lost. She's worth more than this unsafe, dirty, cesspool of negativity and victimhood. She used to be a strong willed, brilliant, artistically talented, gifted in writing and reading, musically gifted on the piano, girl. So much so that she got accused of plagiarism by her teacher her junior year and this child would absolutely not have plagiarized because it was completely beneath her. I at least know thst about her. Teacher never apologized. Daughter was probably crushed. Her victimhood sort of started around that time I think. I know it doesn't do any good to go back all the time but it helps posdibly putting the pieces together. Whatever led to it doesn't change the fact thst she's now in an unhealthy, dark, dangerous world void of much light and joy. And unfortunately it's seeped into me and it's a constant uphill battle to keep depression away. Anyway we all had these kids I know...smart, gifted, kind, loving, whatever...it's startling to think many and even most of the homeless people I see started off on a clean slate. Enjoying, as children do, the simple wonders of just being alive. Many were abused too. As life progressed and innocence dissolved, something sinister evolved and next thing you know they are teens fighting battles we are know nothing about. They are in their own private hell. Then peers become the focus and parents, and all our well meaning advice and love, seems irrelevant and to our kids, ignorant. I guess it's just a cruel part of parenting even in the best of circumstances. This letting go is letting go of the warm, fuzzy safety of knowing. The unknown is terrifying. All along I knew I would have to let go, obviously, but it came so fast and we were unprepared because of the drama that replaced school and graduation and the next steps towards launch. Instead we had a raging, antidepressant withdrawing (cold turkey) 17 year old in love with a 23 year old we didn't know about who also happened to be homeless and possibly schizophrenic. It's just too much to think about sometimes. The reality is extremely painful and honestly at times I feel like the world is an awful place. I know there's good all around, even in my daughter. Its buried beneath stacks and stacks of shame, depression, anxiety, and fear. Prayers for all of you and all of our kids struggling to get to a place of peace. Thanks again for listening and letting me know I'm not alone or crazy.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="strangeworld, post: 722373, member: 22313"] Thanks for your replies. Your words truly help. I read here all the time and there's nothing quite as freeing as knowing you are not alone. So much strength here. Sorry for your circumstances Duli. It's so hard setting boundaries and sticking to them. We have to become determined and understand that we are not helping them in the long run to allow them to abuse us. I'm sorry there is a granddauggter not getting her emotional needs for safety and security met by her own mother. I just know I am going to have to tell my daughter she is not welcome home anymore until she makes some effort to do something. Whether it's getting counselling at the drop in center for youth, get her GED and a job. Go to community college or trade school. Or if she needs it - rehab but from what I understand rehab is a waste of money for most peoole because the addict will only stick to something when they are ready. Once they are ready then jump on it. Also I believe a lot of the reasons peoole turn to drugs and alcohol is extreme self consciousness and low self esteem. Once they sink their teeth into something that makes them feel empowered (even something small) like basic work or passing GED it might help them move forward. Baby steps towards reclaiming the self worth she once had and now has lost. She's worth more than this unsafe, dirty, cesspool of negativity and victimhood. She used to be a strong willed, brilliant, artistically talented, gifted in writing and reading, musically gifted on the piano, girl. So much so that she got accused of plagiarism by her teacher her junior year and this child would absolutely not have plagiarized because it was completely beneath her. I at least know thst about her. Teacher never apologized. Daughter was probably crushed. Her victimhood sort of started around that time I think. I know it doesn't do any good to go back all the time but it helps posdibly putting the pieces together. Whatever led to it doesn't change the fact thst she's now in an unhealthy, dark, dangerous world void of much light and joy. And unfortunately it's seeped into me and it's a constant uphill battle to keep depression away. Anyway we all had these kids I know...smart, gifted, kind, loving, whatever...it's startling to think many and even most of the homeless people I see started off on a clean slate. Enjoying, as children do, the simple wonders of just being alive. Many were abused too. As life progressed and innocence dissolved, something sinister evolved and next thing you know they are teens fighting battles we are know nothing about. They are in their own private hell. Then peers become the focus and parents, and all our well meaning advice and love, seems irrelevant and to our kids, ignorant. I guess it's just a cruel part of parenting even in the best of circumstances. This letting go is letting go of the warm, fuzzy safety of knowing. The unknown is terrifying. All along I knew I would have to let go, obviously, but it came so fast and we were unprepared because of the drama that replaced school and graduation and the next steps towards launch. Instead we had a raging, antidepressant withdrawing (cold turkey) 17 year old in love with a 23 year old we didn't know about who also happened to be homeless and possibly schizophrenic. It's just too much to think about sometimes. The reality is extremely painful and honestly at times I feel like the world is an awful place. I know there's good all around, even in my daughter. Its buried beneath stacks and stacks of shame, depression, anxiety, and fear. Prayers for all of you and all of our kids struggling to get to a place of peace. Thanks again for listening and letting me know I'm not alone or crazy. [/QUOTE]
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