Tired of Wading Though the *ahem* - Stuff

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by DaisyFace, Mar 20, 2011.

  1. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    The biggest frustration I have with difficult children (any - not just mine) is the illogical reasoning and flat-out lies. It's everything I can do to stop from grabbing them by the shoulders and shaking some sense into them and asking "What the H are you talking about?!?!?!"

    This has been one of the things the therapist has been working with me on...getting me to stop trying to reason...and just say something vaguely encouraging...such as "Oh? That sounds nice"...or..."Oh? I hope that works out for you."

    For example - difficult child's summer plans include getting a job. OK-great! husband has been encouraging this all along. He was giving her some tips on where to apply (there's TONS of fast-food places around here) and who would be a good reference for her

    but difficult child interuppts him to explain that she is going to TRY to get a job....but, ya know, the economy is soooo bad that there's really no way to ACTUALLY get one.


    We've also been trying to encourage difficult child to do better in school....but she's perfectly content with her D average. She says it's not a problem because she is joining the military after highschool so her grades don't matter. OK - whatever.

    The she comes home from school on Friday with a new plan...

    She is going to get the military scholarship and go to a top school FIRST - and THEN join the military after she gets her degree.

    Ummm - what? How are you going to qualify for this scholarship?

    Well, difficult child assures us that her grades don't matter one bit!

    and besides

    it's the ONLY way to even get into the military these days.

    Oh? Is that right?

    Yes - difficult child just found out...

    The military is FULL.

    They are no longer acepting any recruits.


    Be very proud of me! I bit my tongue VERY hard and I did NOT shake her one bit!

  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

  3. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    I second that.
  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Maybe she can go to school with Kanga. Despite being in self-contained special education almost her entire school career, she plans on going to an NCAA D1 school as a 3 sport scholarship athlete, on a full ride.
  5. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Oh thank God I'm not alone. I've heard it all (in one day)-from I'm going to finish beauty school before I'm done with high school ,to I'm going to medication. school to be an OBGYN. Just yesterday we are now thinking about becoming an anethesialogist because they make bank! I did give a polite reminder that college fund was spent on Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) and she would need a scholarship- not sure how many of those come out of a state funded mental health day-treatment place????? Pretty sure the borderline traits were alive and well! Proud of you for not causing STS (shaken teenage syndrome)
  6. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I love it! :rofl: But here it's shaken tween syndrome, lol!
  7. cubsgirl

    cubsgirl Well-Known Member

    I LOVE it too :)
  8. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Man, honey, it's harder for you than it is for me...

    At least I don't get THAT. Although Onyxx has pretty much been hyperventilating to see if she gets into the career center. (We got the letter yesterday. She did... But she won't be going. I hate to even get her hopes up by giving it to her...)
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Could you perhaps?

    Talk to the ROTC commander at her high school? WITH you being present?
    Could you talk to mental health since they are SO up on everything and ask about Wil Lou Gray Opportunity School here in Columbia - since she wants to join the military AND she needs an Residential Treatment Center (RTC)?

    Could you go with her to the local SC One Stop? And see what comes up when you type in FAST FOOD? for job opportunities?

  10. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The military is full and not taking anymore recruits? WoW. That is really good to know...lol.
  11. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    OMG this so reminds me of Nichole at like 12. She was going to be a criminal mastermind don'tcha know. Then it was cat burglar when she decided that was more "glamorous". lol When I asked her why she said so she didn't have to go to college. Then I'd wait until a movie or something came on that was along those lines and point out all the complicated alarm systems....ect. She gave that one up eventually.

    I'd have a lot of trouble not laughing when she says the stuff she does.......probably more trouble not laughing than getting upset by it. Some of it is typical teen on top of gfgdom. (I think the gfgdom magnifies the I Know Everything Syndrome)
  12. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    TM, HaoZi--

    Ah yes - there's the smiley I was looking for! Exactly!


    Yes, they probably CAN go to the same school...be roommates even. There MUST be "castle housing" on campus for their star students, they can share a suite!


    Shaken Teen Syndrome, eh? If I get caught, do you think I'd lose custody? Wouldn't want to risk that...


    I agree! too funny!


    O yes, difficult child is doing Career Center next year, too....that is, as soon as she gets around to filling out the application. It shouldn't matter that they passed them out months ago (and I'm sure she's missed the application deadline by now), and that difficult child's grades don't meet the minimum requirements, she is going to write the BEST essay EVER - and will get in with no problem. You know, whenever she has time to write it...


    Reality will just spoil all of difficult child's wonderful, wonderful plans!

    See, she doesn't want to hear the facts about anything. She just wants an easy answer to explain why she will or will not do something. "Trying to get a summer job" is a great thing to tell adults in order to sound responsible. She has no intention of actually working anywhere....so she needs a plausiable explanantion why not. So in the fall, she can say "Well, I tried to get a summer job, but the economy is so bad...."

    Likewise, if someone begins harping about her grades, she can tell them that she's already made plans for her future. "I'm joining the military". It's a nice, responsible-sounding thing to say. She has no intention of actually joining...so she needs a plausible explanation as to why not. "Well, they are not taking any more people...." yea, that's it....that sounds good....people will believe that.

    As far as Will Lou Gray - the counselors have been telling us to look into it for years now. Problem is, candidates have to be 16....so difficult child will still not be eligible for another few months. AND it is primarily an option for kids who are failing or expelled to get their GED. difficult child is passing by the skin of her teeth....so she may not be qualified for their program. We'll have to see how it looks...


    See? Now you see why I want to shake her! Who ever heard of anything more ridiculous.... The recruiters came to school to tell the kids that they are "full" - BALONEY!!!


    Yes, I think "criminal mastermind" and "sexy catburgler" are on difficult child's short-list of glamourous career choices, too!
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2011
  13. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I remember those days...hugs, DF.
  14. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    My common responses to illogical (i.e. crazy) announcements are as follows:

    I appreciate knowing that.
    Thank you for sharing.
    I'm almost sure that will work.
    Let me know how that works.
    Oh......I love you

    Just in case you needed some response material.
  15. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Dang it, why can't I think of those responses?!
  16. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    been there done that! It did turn comical at times, but it was a worry. I mean it really lets you see just how 'out there' they can be. Sometimes it highlights just how useless talking to them can be. It can help with detachment! ;)
  17. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ya know....I was just thinking about things my difficult child has said to me recently about the way she acted a few years back.

    You may recall the classic story about the pizza.
    difficult child, Grandma & myself sitting at Gma's kitchen table. I mentioned my favorite pizza place a couple times. difficult child always hated that pizza place and refused to eat if I ordered from there. I could see she had something to say. She finally broke and said, "ya know I do like that pizza place." I said, "Really? Then how come you never want to order from there." She said, "I don't know, I only said I did not like it because you said that I would like it."

    Really - that is how bizarre it can get! You denied yourself (and me) of that most delicious pizza just because you did not want to admit that I was right? Amazing!

    Sometimes it is just to be defiant. Some of these things she says to you are just to be completely opposite of you or what you want her to do.
  18. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh I sooo get this! When I got difficult child's letter telling me if I no longer trusted him, he'd just refuse to come to live with me when he gets released from Department of Juvenile Justice, I wrote him back asking what his plan was then asked the PO to look into a transitional placement for difficult child. Now I'm hearing that if I don't send him contact info for EVERY member of extended family so he can "explain his situation without telling them what all he's really done and tell them he needs a place to stay when he gets released so he won't have to go to a group home". Yeah- like that will happen.
  19. HaoZi

    HaoZi Guest

    Having continued to read this as responses are added, and looking back at my younger difficult child years, I have decided that when (not if, but when) Kiddo starts this stuff, my only response will be "Gravity." Perhaps one day she'll even figure out what I mean by that.
  20. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    I have laughed about this post all day, but have not had time to respond. Seriously I wish I had a tape recorder for all of the illogical and unrealistic things Matt has said in his day. Right now, I cannot remember one example, yet there are SO many!!! He still continues with his irrational thinking, and I hope I can start being as cavalier in my comments to him as you guys are.

    There are so many times I just argue, trying to disprove his illogical statements. In retrospect there are few times, if ever, he "got" my logic or reasoning. Most of the time he only gets it if he learns it the ultra hard way.

    It truly is so frustrating to just sit there and watch the craziness of it all - and yet I have this constant need to "set him straight". It is only recently that I have been able to just say - "whatever".

    Kudos to you for finding the humor in all of this.................