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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar II" data-source="post: 113148" data-attributes="member: 4391"><p>I agree with the good advice you have been given, Stands.</p><p></p><p>These are the kinds of situations which destroy the moms and the dads. As bad as the using behaviors are, it's the turning away, the not helping our children when their consequences come due ~ that is what does us in, damaging our concepts of self almost beyond recognition.</p><p></p><p>Nonetheless, until you know in your hearts that not helping is the best help you can give, you will not be able NOT to help.</p><p></p><p>That is the battle for you and your husband now.</p><p></p><p>To understand that these are the consequences your son chose when he chose the behavior and to understand that, if you pay the consequences for him now, if you reward him for these behaviors in any way, you are encouraging the behavior.</p><p></p><p>I'm so sorry, Stands.</p><p></p><p>There is no happy ending, there is no sense of balance, there is not one good thing that will come out of this.</p><p></p><p>If it comforts you, know that we all have been right where you are, now.</p><p></p><p>One day, you will be the one helping the next mom or dad learn to survive the things, the horrible things, we need to face, and make decisions about, and live through, when we are the parent of an addicted child.</p><p></p><p>But you have us, Stands.</p><p></p><p>We cannot make the pain go away, but you aren't alone with it, anymore.</p><p></p><p>You will do the right thing, and you will know what the right thing is, when you are ready, Stands.</p><p></p><p>If this were easy, none of us would be here.</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/warrior.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":warrior:" title="warrior :warrior:" data-shortname=":warrior:" /></p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar II, post: 113148, member: 4391"] I agree with the good advice you have been given, Stands. These are the kinds of situations which destroy the moms and the dads. As bad as the using behaviors are, it's the turning away, the not helping our children when their consequences come due ~ that is what does us in, damaging our concepts of self almost beyond recognition. Nonetheless, until you know in your hearts that not helping is the best help you can give, you will not be able NOT to help. That is the battle for you and your husband now. To understand that these are the consequences your son chose when he chose the behavior and to understand that, if you pay the consequences for him now, if you reward him for these behaviors in any way, you are encouraging the behavior. I'm so sorry, Stands. There is no happy ending, there is no sense of balance, there is not one good thing that will come out of this. If it comforts you, know that we all have been right where you are, now. One day, you will be the one helping the next mom or dad learn to survive the things, the horrible things, we need to face, and make decisions about, and live through, when we are the parent of an addicted child. But you have us, Stands. We cannot make the pain go away, but you aren't alone with it, anymore. You will do the right thing, and you will know what the right thing is, when you are ready, Stands. If this were easy, none of us would be here. :warrior: Barbara [/QUOTE]
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