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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar II" data-source="post: 114149" data-attributes="member: 4391"><p>GG is right, Stands.</p><p></p><p>Even when you feel you should be doing more, your job is just what GG posted to you.</p><p></p><p>If it were me, I would print that part of GG's post out and tape it to the fridge or near the phone ~ maybe on the mirror in my bathroom. So much of the battle we parents face has to do with our own expectations of ourselves as parents. It's as though we cannot rest, cannot take joy in anything, as long as one of the kids is in trouble.</p><p></p><p>It was important for me to learn to disregard those feelings. I needed to do that because when the base of the problem is a child's addiction, the old rules no longer apply and nothing makes sense.</p><p></p><p>I drove myself to distraction for the longest time.</p><p></p><p>Years.</p><p></p><p>Like a pebble tossed into the water, the disturbance created by the addiction of a family member affects every member of the family ~ even extended family.</p><p></p><p>Whatever our addicted children might have accomplished is not going to happen, now.</p><p></p><p>For the parents, and for extended family as well, the reality is jail time or losing touch with the addicted member altogether, or trying and trying to help to no avail.</p><p></p><p>The fallout from the addiction touches all of us, brands and marks us.</p><p></p><p>That is why it is important for us to remember, just as GG posted, what our roles are.</p><p></p><p>Where can our energies make a difference, really make a difference?</p><p></p><p>If we can remember our roles, if we can accept that, much as we want to help, want to change things back, want to make everything alright again for our children, we can't, then we can put ourselves and through us, our famiies, back on the path toward wholeness again.</p><p></p><p>I may print GG's words out for myself!</p><p></p><p>I still need to remember that.</p><p></p><p>And I still forget, and start falling back into wanting to help.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar II, post: 114149, member: 4391"] GG is right, Stands. Even when you feel you should be doing more, your job is just what GG posted to you. If it were me, I would print that part of GG's post out and tape it to the fridge or near the phone ~ maybe on the mirror in my bathroom. So much of the battle we parents face has to do with our own expectations of ourselves as parents. It's as though we cannot rest, cannot take joy in anything, as long as one of the kids is in trouble. It was important for me to learn to disregard those feelings. I needed to do that because when the base of the problem is a child's addiction, the old rules no longer apply and nothing makes sense. I drove myself to distraction for the longest time. Years. Like a pebble tossed into the water, the disturbance created by the addiction of a family member affects every member of the family ~ even extended family. Whatever our addicted children might have accomplished is not going to happen, now. For the parents, and for extended family as well, the reality is jail time or losing touch with the addicted member altogether, or trying and trying to help to no avail. The fallout from the addiction touches all of us, brands and marks us. That is why it is important for us to remember, just as GG posted, what our roles are. Where can our energies make a difference, really make a difference? If we can remember our roles, if we can accept that, much as we want to help, want to change things back, want to make everything alright again for our children, we can't, then we can put ourselves and through us, our famiies, back on the path toward wholeness again. I may print GG's words out for myself! I still need to remember that. And I still forget, and start falling back into wanting to help. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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